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Owner: Class 5 Carvings
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But won't boat.... giving me the title just like that huh. As the best dressed last year and possibly every year, I think I just get the title! I wanted to be dragged down by my suit to give the rest of you suckers all a chance. Maybe I won't be that nice this year... I hear there is a new line in the "Line" should be exciting! Bring it, and bring your lame shit talking with you!!
 

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Gnarrows? Buckle holder: set date... please...

Flows are dropin, looks like whiteline has changed, my camera is ready.

The shittalk should have started by now...
 

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Ha ha...I was thinking last week why has noone started a thread on this yet. What, last year we had a good 4-5 pages of shit talking before the start of the race...Course its bout time I raced instead of just watching!
 

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So let us shit talk:
I'm gonna wipe the floor with you Jacobi, Tom your shit is weaker that taco bell fire sauce, the fort boys are too scared of whiteline now that the rock fell over, and for the first time in a few years I am finally somewhere lame like the front range, so get your PBR, key light and natty light ready cause paulie is coming to Larimer county and leaving for NZ with a nice shiny belt buckle to show off to all the kiwi bitches
flame on losers!
 

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The race date is pending and will be announced within the next few days... In the mean time, I'm still the champ, Natural Light is still the best, and the granola pussy is still in Boulder.

Tom, you never beat me in any race, your half ginger, and haven't gotten laid in almost a year.
Kevin, it's going to be hard to race while your serving that jail sentence for child molestation.
Paul, maybe you should try calvin clein cause that other salvation army suit wasn't the exactly the most aerodynamic.
Evan, Kyle, and Marty: You're all basically prehistoric fossils and will probably break your hip before race day so I don't feel the need to talk smack
 

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Champ that suit was from your dad's closet, your mom thought it looked nice on me so she gave it to me as part of my payment for services rendered, and granola pussy.... Come on do I even need to remark on that? Did I just puke in my mouth a little?

Kev, my thong was so big it looked like pants! "my dicks bigger than a bridge yours looks like a little kids, my dicks so hot its stolen yours looks like Gary Coleman.... ps we got dicks like jesus...." Fill your thong with that!

Paulie good luck in NZ, maybe the sheep will be impressed by your high dollar beer drinking, we still like PBR and don't pretend otherwise.

Anyone else want some of this?? JJ, Evan, Pete (do you get the mountainbuzz down there?)
 

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If you want anyone with a decent forward stroke to show up to this race I'd suggest holding it on a weeknight. The last couple of seasons the race was held while most of the Boulder A-team was in the Crystal Gorge, Clarks Fork Box, high Sierra or Winds.

With all the real kayakers planning actual kayaking trips each of the following 3-4 weekends you have a choice: hold it on the weekend so the Fort Collins punters can enjoy an all-day fashion show or hold it some evening next week so we can count this race as training for some real whitewater.
 

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Owner: Class 5 Carvings
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The boulder hippie crowd likes to think they would be somewhere cool, but really we would plan it for a weekday and they would all forget and be no-shows anyway, probably at some hookah bar passed out. The defending champ doesnt even want to defend....
 

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I agree with doubley lets just hold it on one of the nights next week, jacobbi you dont need to show up, if you win those 6 year old south east asian boys wont be able to figure out how to get that belt off so your weeknights will be fucked.
I agree with christian the main concern for the fort vets (evan et al) is there recent bout with menopause leaving them with osteoporosis, we have to set up a way to get them to a from the river safely, those sloops are steep. On second thought I don't know if they will be able to make it on a weeknight, doesn't murder she wrote start at 4?
We don't have to worry about the denver crew showing up (do they kayak anymore?), they will all be down on there hands and knees begging there significant others to be let out to do westwater in october.
To the wyoming boys that might come, well I don't even have to address that because its pretty hard to race when your dick is stuck in a sheep.
This just leaves the boulder boys, since sean lee is probably down in denver blowing kato (with socks on) we don't have to worry about him. Now that leaves tyson and me, I figure tyson will be so impressed with my fiddler crabing that I bust out non-stop for every boof I stomp on all ya suckas heads that he will just stop paddling and gaze at perfection.
Alright thats all I got, hopefully it will work out this year were I can finally take what is mine (maybe the belt will get me laid? I'm not sure how many more times I can put this fleshlight in the dishwasher)
 

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The f'd up thing is I DID break my hip a couple years back riding motocross!!! You are killing me with that Christian. OK, I am old now. Damn that happened fast.
 

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tom its not a race if you show up for a solo lap..... sandbagger... cant make it. in 2 weekends i say fuck the poudre race christian quit with the buckle, Time to amp it up to a new event.. 1st annual Bluegrass Giant Slalom. run the stout... with some bros drink some brew and finish it up with a main event lap? sounds like more fun than mish hippies and tom put together
 

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tom its not a race if you show up for a solo lap..... sandbagger... cant make it. in 2 weekends i say fuck the poudre race christian quit with the buckle, Time to amp it up to a new event.. 1st annual Bluegrass Giant Slalom. run the stout... with some bros drink some brew and finish it up with a main event lap? sounds like more fun than mish hippies and tom put together
I knew that was coming.

 

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Discussion Starter #18
Man I don't care which night it is held, but the river is dropping and I want a real race. I don't want to hear CM say that he was worn out from sheering too much cotton or you Boulder boys saying that you didn't have enough energy cause you couldn't find you favorite vegan gluten free granola in the morning. Fuck, Christian granola pussy? When I eat granola it is with some yogurt so now you got me thinking that you are going down on some dreaded up chick with a little too much yeast in the dough, but "Don't worry baby, its all natural. Mother nature will make it go away in two weeks." Denver boys, please you all sold your souls to become lawyers or something so you can impress 45 year old cougars at the vodka bar (dill pickles mutha fuckers). Confluence aint going to train you for shit.

The buckle is mine and don't worry about taking it off Tom, Fort Collins has been treating me so well that I don't have time to take the pants off anyways. That why they invented a zippered fly.
 

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...............

.........good shit kids......does the winner get a new GI JOE collectors set?....Xhairboater14, you into wookie bush now?....you a boulder "bush pilot"[email protected], get your boy back in line...friends doen't let friends go wookie!!!!!!....just got a cramp from hiding under the bed and trying to type, scared.....and notmydad, put some big boy underwear on and join the kids when they come out to montrose in a couple of weeks.....milozanolddick
 
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