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Discussion Starter #1
I was walking across the Willamette River bridge this morning, and I heard splashing and shouting, so I looked over the railing. In the water below I saw a man wearing an explosive suicide vest, carrying an AK-47 and a brace of hand grenades, all contributing to his difficulty treading water. I recognized him as a wanted terrorist, but nobody wants to see someone drown. So I notified the sheriff's office, the police department and the coast guard. The terrorist went under and didn't back come up. That was four hours ago. I'm beginning to think I wasted my stamps.
 

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well, ya'd prolly not mail a request for help, were you trying to save someone ...

A canoeist, a kayaker, and an old salt sailor went into a bar and ordered a beer. Each found a fly in their beer.

The canoeist looked in his beer and said, "hey bartender I have a fly in my beer. Give me another beer."

The kayaker looked in his beer, found the fly, reached in an picked it out and continued drinking.

The old salt sailor looked in his beer, saw the fly, grabbed it by the wings, shook it over the glass and yelled, "Spit it out, Spit it out!"
 

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When is a door not a door? when it's a jar!


What do groovers and female raft guides have in common?? If the hole is still warm then you know your buddy was just there....


Why can't you trust a tree? Cause they're shady, man.
 

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Q. What's the difference between a female guide and a washing machine?
A. You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for the rest of the season.

Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself
 

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WOW! I got my ass chewed pretty good over joking about kayakers. A couple of these jokes would be pretty offensive if I had a vagina. Apparently some people favor kayakers over women'z. I how ever find this shit funny as he'll. When it comes to comedy no one is off limits, except kayakers.
 

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What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?

Most of the time you get an onion with big ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of a$$ that brings tears to your eyes.
 

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What's the difference between god and a kayaker?
God doesn't think he's a kayaker

Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself
 

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What's the difference between a female guide and a hockey player.
Hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods.

Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself
 

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There are many reasons for a chicken to cross a road........but why did the kayaker cross the road??




A: He was stuck in the chicken.
 

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How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg????


Roll him over and suck his dick


Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz
 

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A lady guide on the grand told me this one as she motored by

What did the egg say to the hot water?

Give me a second to get hard I just got laid by a chick.
 

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Old Guy in a PFD
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On a Grand trip in December the Christmas morning breakfast was eggs Benedict. it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. People were asking; "Whats with the fancy plate?" The cook replies,' There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!'

Cmon people, this is a family forum!
 

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Old Guy in a PFD
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Three old river guides are floating on a stretch of river one quiet Sunday morning.
A funeral procession drives by on the highway and crosses the bridge in front of them.
One of the guides stops rowing, takes off his hat, sets down his beer, and stands quietly until the procession passes.
One of the other guides comments "That was real respectful of you Harvey"
Harvey replies "Well, I thought it was the least I could do after 40 years of marriage".
 

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Old Guy in a PFD
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A girl walks into a bar with a Monkey.
The bartender freaks out "HEY! you can't bring a monkey in here! Get it out!"
The girl pleads with the bartender, that she's trying to socialize the monkey, and he won't be any trouble and she just wants one beer.
The bartender finally gives up, and besides she is quite pretty.
As soon as he serves the girl the beer the monkey starts running up and down the bar, knocking over drinks, breaking glasses and being a general nuisance. Before the girl can catch him, the Monkey jumps on the pool table and swallows the cue ball.
The girl apologizes profusely and pays for the damage, collects the Monkey and leaves.

A few weeks later she shows up again, with the Monkey.
The bartender freaks out "HEY! GET THAT MONKEY OUT OF HERE!"
The girl pleads again with him, and once again the bartender relents; She is even prettier than he remembers and he is after all an optimist. Once again, as soon as he serves the girl her beer the Monkey proceeds to tear up the bar, knocking over drinks, breaking glasses and screaming at patrons. Eventually the Monkey finds the garnish tray, grabs a maraschino cherry, sticks it in his butt, then eats it.
Not only the bartender, but every patron is totally grossed out by this behavior.
The bartender says to the girl "that's the grossest thing I've ever seen; you get that beast out of here right the fuck now!"
The girl apologizes and proceeds to leave but she is compelled to explain the Monkey's behavior.
"He really isn't a bad Monkey. You see, since the last time he was in here he measures everything he eats first."
 
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