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If'n ya'll wanna know who I really am head on down to Randaddy's post in the eddy. He's got me all fired up and I'm gonna give y'all a chance to lern 'bout the real Grif.
 

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Alrighty Y'all! It's time fer ya to find out just who I really am and just what I was doin' down there with 'ol Yakgrrl in the furst place. Congratulations on yer pants Liz. It 'aint over yet, but you got that East Coast cup-o-chino slurpin' sissy on the ropes!

Lemme start by sayin' I never float nowhere with no kayakers. They make me carry and lift shit, they drink all my beer, and besides what they's doin' out on the West Coast I'm not really into fellers that wear spandex and hug eachother all the time. But this gal was diffrent. She was a famous internet girl.

She told me she had a web page and was gonna make me famous too. We just had to run this here river down by 'ol Pervis' place. Pervis has been lonely since his wife done took the horses and moved down the road a piece. He's been livin' in an abond'n'd' chick'n coop fer six or eight months now and I just figured he's gonna be pleased as a puppy with two peters to see me float by with some famous internet lady So I agreed to go, but only if'n I could bring my 'ol lady to pour them Schlitz in my mouth while I row my rig. Plus she sed she'd buy the gas. We ended up over at Dirty Larry's Gas and Turkey. That turned out to be the best part of the thing. I still got a quarter tank in my Ford and them turkey legs is good.

So off we go down the river and this gal keeps paddlin' up to me and the 'ol lady sayin' "What speshies of wildflowers do ya suppose these are?" or "I shore hope men can marry other men some day." Well this gal was gettin' me al sorts o' fired up so I thought I'd fire one at her. A turkey leg that is. I hit that bitch straight on the hand, not what I planned, but the beer had done impared my throwin' arm. Well she just freaked out hollerin' about bein' a vegertarian and the grease and all that. She set her paddle right there in her lap to wash off and tipped right over in the next wave.

Now I thought this gal would at least try to roll that fancy pink kayak of hers, but she popped out of it quicker than a greased turd on Sinca da Mayo. She started hollerin' and blowin' her whistle. I was about to row on over there when my 'ol lady starts telling me about how all that hollerin' and carryin' on has her a little fired up too, only not in a turkey slangin' kind of way. She's is hot and bothered and points to an eddy downstream for a little poke and giggle. Never one to turn down such a purdy lady I says "Hell yes" and throwed my other turkey leg out o' the boat, so I don't befowl my love makin' spot.

We figured 'ol Kayakergrrl would float up after she was done hootin' and hollerin' and figured out she could just stand up. It was flatwater after all. But what do we see her do? The idiot swims out and walks right upta Pervis' ex wifes place, and that lady is mean! She's makin' Pervis sleep in a chicken coop while she keeps his horses. Well we just got the hell out of there. I can't imagine Merline and Yakgrrl pettin' the horses and sayin' nice things about us and I was just about fed up with them ladys anyhow.

So Yakgrrrl if yer out there I didn't mean to hit you with that seccund turkey leg but I'm shore glad I did. And Liz, I shore enjoyed that eddy.
 

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complete and utter gayness. thanks for sharing...




Alrighty Y'all! It's time fer ya to find out just who I really am and just what I was doin' down there with 'ol Yakgrrl in the furst place. Congratulations on yer pants Liz. It 'aint over yet, but you got that East Coast cup-o-chino slurpin' sissy on the ropes!

Lemme start by sayin' I never float nowhere with no kayakers. They make me carry and lift shit, they drink all my beer, and besides what they's doin' out on the West Coast I'm not really into fellers that wear spandex and hug eachother all the time. But this gal was diffrent. She was a famous internet girl.

She told me she had a web page and was gonna make me famous too. We just had to run this here river down by 'ol Pervis' place. Pervis has been lonely since his wife done took the horses and moved down the road a piece. He's been livin' in an abond'n'd' chick'n coop fer six or eight months now and I just figured he's gonna be pleased as a puppy with two peters to see me float by with some famous internet lady So I agreed to go, but only if'n I could bring my 'ol lady to pour them Schlitz in my mouth while I row my rig. Plus she sed she'd buy the gas. We ended up over at Dirty Larry's Gas and Turkey. That turned out to be the best part of the thing. I still got a quarter tank in my Ford and them turkey legs is good.

So off we go down the river and this gal keeps paddlin' up to me and the 'ol lady sayin' "What speshies of wildflowers do ya suppose these are?" or "I shore hope men can marry other men some day." Well this gal was gettin' me al sorts o' fired up so I thought I'd fire one at her. A turkey leg that is. I hit that bitch straight on the hand, not what I planned, but the beer had done impared my throwin' arm. Well she just freaked out hollerin' about bein' a vegertarian and the grease and all that. She set her paddle right there in her lap to wash off and tipped right over in the next wave.

Now I thought this gal would at least try to roll that fancy pink kayak of hers, but she popped out of it quicker than a greased turd on Sinca da Mayo. She started hollerin' and blowin' her whistle. I was about to row on over there when my 'ol lady starts telling me about how all that hollerin' and carryin' on has her a little fired up too, only not in a turkey slangin' kind of way. She's is hot and bothered and points to an eddy downstream for a little poke and giggle. Never one to turn down such a purdy lady I says "Hell yes" and throwed my other turkey leg out o' the boat, so I don't befowl my love makin' spot.

We figured 'ol Kayakergrrl would float up after she was done hootin' and hollerin' and figured out she could just stand up. It was flatwater after all. But what do we see her do? The idiot swims out and walks right upta Pervis' ex wifes place, and that lady is mean! She's makin' Pervis sleep in a chicken coop while she keeps his horses. Well we just got the hell out of there. I can't imagine Merline and Yakgrrl pettin' the horses and sayin' nice things about us and I was just about fed up with them ladys anyhow.

So Yakgrrrl if yer out there I didn't mean to hit you with that seccund turkey leg but I'm shore glad I did. And Liz, I shore enjoyed that eddy.
 

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Are you really trying to crowbar in this story, again, for a laugh? I scanned it real quick, yes he mentions schlitz and turkey legs. Hilarious. :roll::roll:

Your shtick is old. Most over-rated funny i've seen on this site.
 

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It seems that Sky and Wild don't know the whole story....

Nice recap Grif.......I enjoyed it
Oh, I'm very aware of the story. Followed it post by post, perched on the edge of my chair. I actually suffered from post yakgirl depression after the thread stopped. Now that Grif is going to show us his identity, I wanted to see the pics. And suddenly my depression has passed.

Oh, and your never going to believe what I am going to have for dinner tonight. Yak Burger. Seriously. Now I need to figure out how to incorporate a turkey leg.
 

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Great one Randy, you've given us all a lot of laughs. Over the years I was thinking maybe Riparian, not sure why, now it seems obvious!
 

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It's a shame that the legend had to end with a pair of pants. Tragic, really...
 

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It's a shame that the legend had to end with a pair of pants. Tragic, really...
Nah, it was played out, and this was one good last blast (I think his redneck-speak was better than ever). Plus, it ended so he could help his girlfriend win a pair of pants. That's awesome, what a sweetheart.... :mrgreen:
 
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