I'll start by apologizing for some of my Colorado brothers and sisters. Being one of the lowest states in education funding, some of our residents lack basic literacy and vocabulary skills. The suggestions from the Oskar Blues brewery and from the Fat Tire brewery probably won't fit the bill as they are in Colorado and thus not "local" for you up in the Pacific North West. For future reference, when attempting to communicate with someone from Colorado (especially us natives) your best bet is to stick to simple sentences and monosyllabic words.
Then do us all a favor....get in your Subaru and GTFO. You're a bigger tool than LhoweMT.
Awaiting your cliche response.....