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Discussion Starter #1
I’ve never been able to understand why some kayakers take every opportunity to talk trash, whine, criticize, and bitch about rafters and tubers. I’ve seen it on the river and even read slams here on the buzz. My buddies and I never bitch about rafters or how others choose to have their fun, and I’ve even been bulldozed on the Upper Gauley. So why is it so offensive to these few jackasses? Well, I have a theory.

Some might say they get all worked up because of the traffic and having to dodge rubber. I’m going to pose another theory. These kayakers who belittle rafters and tubers are really just posers who can’t seem to build up enough courage to get off of Brown’s Canyon, the Gauley, the Boulder playpark, or some other high traffic commercial thoroughfare. They think they are bad-ass because they kayak… or more likely, kayak because they want everyone to think they are bad-ass. So seeing a prepubescent girl grinning ear-to-ear on the rapid where they just shat themselves deflates their bloated, oversensitive ego. These are the same guys that have to yell at strangers, calling them “****”, just so they feel less gay themselves. They even seek out these high traffic runs because they secretly feel safer with all the available safety, which further demoralizes them. You’ll even see this type of ego self-preservation between whitewater canoers and kayakers, sport and trad climbers, and most recently with those Tubers running the gnar (nice work at Tunnel!). For those of you kayakers who can’t seem to get over the feeling that tourists from the Midwest on your staple run makes your penis a little smaller, I’d suggest you go buy a creek boat and stay off rivers advertised at every Holiday Inn brochure counter within a hundred miles. Otherwise, try to enjoy the river in your craft of choice and shut your c-ck sucker next time you feel the urge to knock someone down a notch, it’s embarrassing.

-d
 

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Hmmm. . .

Maybe this is a little critical. . . what brought on the rant? I think in most cases it is just a little rib-jabbing and not a complete disdain. Everyone who uses the river increases the exposure and creates an overall positive experience that makes the sport more fun and sometimes safer. This community is too small to warrant an open hatred or even to draw the generalization that rafter-haters are miscreant kayakers trying to make up for an insecurity.

Remember a few years ago when snowboarding was really starting to take off and there was a serious rivalry between single-plankers and snowboarders? Time worked out the wrinkles and now everyone is cool.

I think you're making a mountain of out a mole hill and most folks on the Buzz don't hate rafters at all. . . it's just good to poke fun and keep things interesting.
 

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Yeah, dude, 'sup? Just cuz there's no water you need to start hatin'? Roll a doob and kick back, bro, wait for the snow.
 

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Two kayakers and a rafter are sitting on an airplane, the rafter has the isle seat. The window seat kayaker says "hey man let me get out so I can go get a drink". The rafter says, "no problem man Ill get it for you since Im on the aisle seat".

While the rafter is up the window seat kayaker spits in his shoe. The rafter returns with the coke and gives it to the window seat kayaker. A few minutes later the middle kayaker says "hey I need a coke too let me out". Again the rafter says "Ill get it for you, sit tight". while he is up, the middle kayaker spits in the rafters other shoe.

Both kayakers finish their cokes and the plane lands. As they are all 3 approaching the exit door the rafter turns back and says "I dont understand where all this animosity between kayakers and rafters comes from, spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes!".


Being both a rafter and a kayaker, I can relate to both sides of the issue. And its true that if youre a kayaker on Browns Canyon theres gonna be shitloads of commercial boats. Thats just the way it is. Rivers are for everyone to enjoy, we all have to share.

Now any kayaker that has been on a multiday trip can attest to the fact that rafts are your friends. They carry your beer. Nuff said.




Philbob.
 

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I am a rafter and a kayaker, so I hate everyone equally, right Bizzle?

You moved to Smogver, I mean Denver yet, or you still in the Promised Land?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You guys all suck, can't you tell a "troll" when you see one? You jump all over some poor girl who lost her dog and I only get 4 posts in almost 24 hours? And they were all nice! Jeez. Perhaps I should have lobbed one out there instead of coming out swinging. I'll try to do better next time.

Hey, Nice one PhilBob, here's another-

How can you tell if someone is a raft guide?... they'll tell you. badumpbump

-d
 

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It's not that I don like rafts, it's just that I don like rafters, unless they kayak. I don run Brown Canyon unless I'm fishing from a raft, but most fishermen hate me when I'm on their uncrowded creek, unless they kayak. That airplane joke is old and stupid, but on overnight runs that rafts can navigate they do carry the beer, but I'd rather self support with some Wild Turkey in a place where rafts can't go. Tubers are cool, especially the gnar gnar ones who ran Gore, so it's not about the rubber in your craft, it's just that rafters tend think they're so bad-ass. Kayakers think they're bad ass too, but they are, especially if they own a creek boat and use it, or if they live somewhere (not the front range) where you can get air and then you're bad ass too. I think river surfers are bad ass too. And if you're a rafter and you really love the river and you're not claiming river god because you can run some class III rapids that you keep insisting to the customers (and probably yourself) are class IV then, you're o.k. by me. Actually I don care what you do as long as you truly love and show respect for the river, unless you're a rafter.
 

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Dempsey -

Got a job in Denver and I'm still pushing for graduate school so that I can become the next CEO of WorldCom. I'll hire you as my IT tech so we can wire billions of shareholder dollars to the Cayman Islands.

My last day in the "promised land" of $35 million dollar houses, $3.00/gallon for unleaded, and shithead tourists from Texas and NYC is on September 12.

Just kidding - you'll see me around plenty, so dry your eyes, little caterpillar.
 

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Cool, what kind of job you doing? Yeah, don't remind me about the $35 million dollars houses and $3 gas. The only good thing is that my little hovel that I bought has now appreciated to just under $35million.

There we go, finally got someone bitter to write in, it's about time. I'm with Jeff...er PaddleBizzle. Nobody cares.

There are two types of people on the river, idiots and river people. They are all spread out among kayaks, rafts, canoes, tubes, rubber allogators, snorklers, and so on. The biggest difference is a kayak can only hold one idiot, whereas a raft can hold 6.

Once again, I hate everyone. If I'm kayaking, I throw poop at rafts, and if I am rafting, I plow over play holes full of kayaks with reckless abandon! Yeeee haaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
RiverWrangler eats babies.
 

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RiverWrangler eats babies.
Livingston - THAT was funny!!!

Dempsey - I'm managing the Diamond Cabaret in Denver and opening a crack cartel. Soon enough I'll be driving a Bentley with a 20-person entourage. Watch out.
 

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I think a dingo ate your baby.

How do you get 10 raft guides into a closet?
Tell them they can live there for free.

How do you get them out again?
Tell them they have to keep it clean.

Rafts carry beer AND hot girls that don't kayak. I'm all for both. You dudes that are too hard to like rafts can spank the monkey with your greasy granpappy and drink the schnapster. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't ride in one...well, unless there was a lot of flat water to cross...then I'd tie my boat on and hop in and enjoy the orgy! Rafts have orgies, right?
 

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Rafts carry beer AND hot girls that don't kayak. I'm all for both.
BastardSonOfElvis: 10 points. Hot chicks are cool, and beer makes them hotter.

I'd rather self support with some Wild Turkey in a place where rafts can't go
RiverWrangler: -5 points. Have fun with a bottle bouncing around in your boat. Where are you going to carry your sleeping bag, tarp, and disco ball?

Actually I don care what you do as long as you truly love and show respect for the river, unless you're a rafter.
RiverWrangler: 2 points. You redeemed yourself a little.
Overall score: -3 points.

I am a rafter and a kayaker, so I hate everyone equally, right Bizzle?
WhiteLightning: -5 points for admitting to being a rafter. +5 points for being a kayaker. Make up your mind, damn it!

Now any kayaker that has been on a multiday trip can attest to the fact that rafts are your friends. They carry your beer. Nuff said.
PhilBob: +10 points. Everyone likes to make fun of rafters until they're carrying all your shit, your friend's shit, the booze, beer, food, and the ladies. Well done.

God I'm bored.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
BSOE masturbates to Christo and voted for Bush.
 

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P. Bizzy: -20 points for talking shit about the whiskey. if you don't like wild turkey i don like u. and if u ever self support the shit with me i ain't sharin' my whiskey with u either. maybe you can drink some if you bring the disco ball and the hotties.

for the record - i don't eat babies
 

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Masterbating to Christo, that's classic.

How many kayakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

7. 1 to screw the light bulb, and 6 to talk about how gnarly the hole was. zing.
 

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The only problem I have with tubers are the ones w/o PFDs and helmets and the outposts that let them get away with that shit.

Scott
 

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I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! I give everyone shit because that's what makes it fun. But I still like the rafters who carry my gear and anyone who's completely and totally committed to whatever they do. I don't care what craft you're in, I like you as long as you're not an idiot, unless you're from Texas (hot girls exempt).
 

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Mmkay .. let's be clear, & honest here, mmkay? The issue is not so much with the "rafters" (i.e., tourons from Oklahoma & Aurora), but with the guides. With 15 yrs of involvement of one sort or another in "the industry", I've managed to find only a handful of raftguides that I can tolerate .. let alone "like". Note: the ones that I do like, I tend to like a whole lot .. but by & large, you commercial guides are a buncha goons in "wacky" shirts & chacos. It's true -- accept & move on.

Now let's be fair .. proportionally, there's an assload of no-style kayakers who try too hard, who never know when to shut their dick-washers, & who are capable of breathtaking displays of douche-baggery (Hey A-hole, I'm looking at you) .. I've spent the same 15 yrs defending myself & my chosen hobby against shit talkin' from my non-boater friends ..

whatever that all means ...
 
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