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Discussion Starter #1
I have a complicated work legal situation where I need to get sick for 1-2 weeks to delay some things. The company won't give me vacation.

So, I'd like to catch giardia or something similar. Where/how can I catch it?

Before you guys all immediately say "Confluence!", realize that I boat there regularly, perhaps 40 times a year. I did get sick once there last year, but I'm probably immune to it by now.

I realize this is a funny request, but I'm actually very serious. I'm willing to drive a ways to pick up the germs. The company is being unethical and very agressive, which is why I feel the need to resort to this.

Thanks for your help.
 

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I know a guy that got Dysentary from the Ark. To get the Beaver Fever try drinking from a beaver pond. Giardia is fun if you like passing out in the bathroom.
 

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Unfortunately for your situation, on sunny days, Confluence only features treated effluent, so the all the poop germs have been killed. May I suggest taking advantage of urban runoff. :) Simply doing some open-mouth-roll-practice during a spring T-storm should do the trick, preferably downstream of a dog park. Alternately you could try licking some beavers to catch a case of the 'ol beaver fever! :D
 

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Have you considered forgetting about getting ill and instead spending your time looking for a new employer? It might be just as easy and a lot less painful... otherwise, my dog leaves a lot of doo-doo in my backyard that I would be willing to send you free of charge to eat... that ought to do the trick.
 

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I used to live in the third world. I, and most of my friends there, have had giardia and amoebas. I have plenty of lay experience with it. Trust me, you do not want giardia. The nice textbook description like "causes diarrhea and abdominal cramps" - hardly tells the full story. Try foamy stools that smell like a sulfur mine, extreme fatigue...oh, and did I mention that it comes instantly. Yes and I do mean INSTANT. If you can't go VERY quickly, you're in a lot of pain, and then you shit your shorts. No joke, I had to carry around a plastic bag and spare boxers. You don't want giardia.
 

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Drive up to some cow pasture with standing water and start drinking that stuff. You will get sick in no time. :lol:
 

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I agree with the previous post--although you may have some time off you may spend some of it in the hospital for rehydration. He forgto to mention that often Giardia is invasive and so can cause bloody diarrhea which is also not pleasant--and you will shit yourself unless you are within 5 feet of a toilet 24/7. It's not your run of the mill intestinal virus that we get occasionally. The benign positional vertigo thing is actually quite agood idea althought there are tests to do to prove that it is there or not despite what webmd says but since your employer is obviously a dumbass--they probably won't be able to figure that out. But your doctor may just tell you to take some meclizine and get back to work, tough call. Here's a good idea--go into your doctor, say you feel really stressed out and it's making your life very hard and then ask for a note for a leave of absence. You'd be surprised what you may get. Particularly if you correlate the increasd stress levels with work.
 

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why not go for a mild std. Might be easier and more enjoyable to contract.

In all seriousness, a friend’s brother drank pond water as part of a Penn State Frat hazing thing and ended up dying from meningitis shortly after. They never could fully correlate the two, but it sure seemed likely. At any rate just don't do anything stupid.
 

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This will be easy.......Come to my office and I have some dog poop you can eat. Guaranteed to produce the worst case of Giardia on this earth.
 

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1. Give your boss the finger and quit your job. You shouldn't have to result to this in the first place. You could also just not show up for 1-2 weeks and let them fire you. Then you can collect unemployment and kayak every day!

But if you must. . .

You're a kayaker. Tell him you got a concussion while running a Tunnel Falls in a ducky, and you need 7-10 days of bedrest. If the man asks for a doc's note, go to your physician and fake all the symptoms or pass a $50.00

The ear thing works too. Remember - you're a kayaker and you get all sorts of nasty stuff in your ears.

Don't you remember grade school? Fake the shiat and get out of class!
 

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and you won't be sick for just 2 weeks it took me over a month to get over but I did lose 35 lbs. Felt like a wwe wrestler jumping up and down on my stomach.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Good responses, thanks. But, I've heard tha Carbondale town water had giardia a few years back. Any other locations like that I can tap? Like should I fill up some water bottles from Cottonwood Creek? or somewhere in South park?

And perhaps giardia isn't what I want. What I had last year was perfect. I had occaisional diareha for 2 weeks, lost 10 pounds, and then Cipro cleared it right up.

As for why I don't quit employment--that's part of the complicated legal situation. I'm under a tight contract. The company has fashist lawyers, that created this contract yet I really like the people I work with. In a few weeks, I'll be in a good negotiating position where I think I can screw the company lawyers. They really, really suck.
 

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This thread sounds like the screenplay to the sequel to the movie Office Space.

Good Luck on acquiring something nasty enough to keep you out of commission for two weeks!
 

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I got it a few years ago.

I had a fantasy of wipping my ass with a fluffy white rabbit. I have never been so tired in my life either.

I read a ton of people on here talking about Karma and all. Most people only talk about it on the back side of something that has already happened. They dont think about karma before they are going to do something dishonest or selfish they think about it only when people piss them off.

I like the other verson better. You reep what you sow.

All that being said I am not in your shoes so my comments maybe totally worthless.

hang in there,
benrodda
 

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I've been laughing my ass off through this whole thread!!!! :lol:

I have some friends that got giardia among other water borne illnesses when we studied abroad in Brazil. We were seriously worried about their lives. It was horrible for all of them, all 5 were in the hospital in the middle of the Amazon for several days. A scary ghetto hospital with dirt on the floor and smears of blood on the walls. One girl got so weak from the fever and diarrhea that she could barely walk for 2 weeks. It was horrible. For reference, they got diagnosed with Giardia, amoebas, and 2 parasites that I forgot the name of. If only the cooks had figured out when we asked to drink only bottled water that this meant we wanted them to wash our food in the bottled water as well.....

I highly recommend avoiding giardia. Really.

Fake the ear infection. It would totally be believable I think, and ear infections can be excruciating and keep you out of work for at least a week.

:)
Lauren
 

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Skunk Cabbage, I was in steamboat and this stupid hippy we were with thought he had read that skunk cabbage was edible. Long story short he ended up in the hospital.

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/hort/consumer/poison/Symplfo.htm

Symptoms
Burning and swelling of lips, tongue, and throat; nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may also occur.
http://www.emedicine.com/emerg/topic444.htm

Nonsoluble calcium oxalate crystals are found in plant stems, roots, and leaves. The stalk of the Dieffenbachia plant produces the most severe reactions. These needlelike crystals produce pain and edema when they contact lips, tongue, oral mucosa, conjunctiva, or skin. Edema primarily is due to direct trauma from the needlelike crystals and, to a lesser extent, by other plant toxins (eg, bradykinins, enzymes).
:D :shock: :D :shock: :D :twisted:
 
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