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So the flows are droppin and everyone is itching to get after this belt buckle, especially Leif's mom, well my boof and my woman is poppin....

so a call out is in order.

Denver...
is there anyone down there that can race? It is nice to have Fred up here, but he just runs clean up for safety reasons. Cutch, your first run down the narrows will be a fun race, for Fred. SuperDuckey, you better bring your cape, you'll need it.
Pagel, I know we used to race with Zinn at 4 feet for the f_ of it, but now its formal and we need some nastalgia for the young guys.


Boulder...
Wiggler come on up, we haven't had representation from Boulder since Crash was here in 99' Maybe the Craw will bring it home for you guys..:wink:

Mountain Boys and West Slopers...
Don't bother... Although we will give you guys a free six pack of the goods for showing up and competing in the heats, so you have something to enjoy during the finals.

Routers...
I am somewhat nervous about you all, however there are sieves, undercuts, hydraulics and boofs to contend with, so no, not really.

Now...
Paul the Premature... you posted to early about this and just like last year you will probably blow your wad in uppers.
Leif, I like chocolate, so bring a cooler full of ice cream for the after party.
Dotcom, please schedule a video crew, so that I can get a shot in your new online guidebook, titled "he does it again".
Lotsa.. do you even count.. you'll be to busy talking about leif's mom on the side.
Rando, don't bring the kids, they think their dad is tough, you don't want to shatter that for them.
yourrealsad, bring your hotpants, floaties, motor, whatever you need, but the cougars won't be asking about any bling on your waist.
Francois, with this field,your second place is wrapped up for you.


others that I missed, dont' be offended... this race field is full of a bunch of choads anway.


so.. last year it was August 30th and 1.5 on the gauge and good times. This year is not looking so great for that date. But I hope we are wrong. Regardless we are shooting for 2 feet. Yesterday was 2.25...
We could be racing Friday, or next week.. hopefully later... hard to say.. But as always stay tuned... we hope to give a day or two warning...

Rally your women ( I like the attention) and grab some friends to set safety.
 

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Not with my Lady on my side!

Don't make me puke. It was a fluke last year and you know it. We just didn't want you to cry in front of your little girl.

Rando, you are going to look sooo good in that mushtasche!

This year I have a seceret weapon!
 

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Seeing as how I had to run the gnar of the filter last year, can we wait until I get back from cougar catching in Las Vegas? I get back on Tues. Race on Wed maybe. I mean I will be sort of tired from all those women that look like Leif's mom but charge almost twice as much, but I still think I can pull the win out.

Ol' JJ the cougars won't be attracted to the belt buckle, I use the belt to blind them and then run away, it is the only way I can keep all those Rio women away. I did shave the stache, but the doesn't seem to help, they just keep coming (in more ways than one).
 

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Well well well, here we are getting ready for another race which it seems you were all scared to do at 3 feet when I posted last. And let me tell you old man river, uppers was actually changed to "Paul's Fun Land" because of the english I have been putting down on it, and last year, go ahead look at the pictures, that was me NASA styling the air move over Lief's capsized craft. I just didn’t want to embarrass you by beating you from the second heat, I had to stop and surf for a few minutes when I saw you at the groover! And this year while I am walking back up to the top of lowers having all my gear carried by my escort of your friends I will point down to you and laugh when your doing the airplane move because the real line makes you pee your bed at night! I already have the display case on my mantel and the leather to strap that thing to my waist so lets stop all this and just hand it over now, stay home with the wife and kids and avoid all the embarrassment that comes with knowing the arthritis wont let you get out of the starting eddy.

Paul the Kayaker/Winner/Champ/Agent/BuckleWearer/BoofMaster/GoldMetalist/BlueRibbonHolder/Ronto

You can pick one!

"Ignition in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...We have take off!!"
 

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Is the race from the Upper through the Lower?? Never really heard of where it starts from. Stoked to get in there, but hopefully it's not actually going to be on the 1st of August... If so I am out of town.

Any chance of doing it on the 30th?
 

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I'm out of commision from July 24th to the 30th. After that I can probably spend one day to actually paddle the narrows. Just during comp. The strategy is to follow the lead guy so he shows you all of the lines, and then use the stern bump spin-out manuever to take the win. Or just wait for him to pull the patented poudre boof, and boof over him while he surfs the hole.

Fred and I are fresh off a 14 second win.

In the words of House of Pain, "Pack it up pack it in, let me begin, I came to win, battle me that's a sin."
 

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The council has convened and the race is tentatively scheduled for next Thursday, July 26 at 6pm. IF YOU WANT TO RACE BAD AND YOU CAN"T RACE ON JULY 26 YOU BEST TO SPEAK UP NOW.

This is not an official race. There might be safety but we don't determine the rules until the racers meeting at Lower Narrows on the day of the race. There are no cash prizes. Second place will receive an unidentified amount of bitchathane. First place will of course wear the buckle. I don't need to call you out. You know who you are. Gnarrows Race, second annual. Get it on.

Switchback - we must have been posting at the same time. You're already the first voice of dissent but we can't wait that long or the water *might* be too low. Gonna have to cancel teh float trip. And I think there is going to be um more than four competitors and no teams, although you and Fred might as well be a team, as JJ mentioned, running clean-up, for safety of course.
 

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I'm with Cutch. Gonna be on Cataract the 26th to the 1st, but maybe you all should go ahead with the tentative date so you don't have to face up to the bouldenver ownage that is bound to occur otherwise.

Alex
DT holerider
 

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Ya ya ya big metro bouldenver talkers. I mean I understand your excuses, you hear them every day from women who won't go home with you, and because of it your confidence is so low you have to pretend your going to be out of town knowing that the dates may not change and your off the hook. Its ok I mean stay on clear creek and walk around rigo a few more times and this will all pass over. Cutch I know you won by 14 seconds but that was only because my team mate was nowhere to be found. I tube that faster than 30 minutes! So as usual it seems like the FC crew will be the only ones to step it up again, its ok boater cross for many is scary! That buckle will never leave town!

P the Positive
 

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safety meeting

This is going to be another good one. I've gotta see this.


Yous prob don't need it, but I can run safety/ observe the art of backing up the shit talk.

I will stay tuned...
 

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J.J. I pulled this chart off the internets as to help you decide how much longer you can expect to have that rapidly receding hairline. Your so ugly even your hair is trying to get away from your face. Anyways I hope this chart helps. I think you are somewhere around a stage "VI" but it could be a stage VII I dunno. I hope this helps buddy.

ps. Sunscreen
 

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Look this has gotten a little out of hand here, I mean picking on someone with a disability such as baldness. Not everyone out there can have flowing Jewcurls like myself. Anyways lets make this easy on everyone, just give me the belt.

JJ can stay at home with the kid and breast feed it,

Leif doesn't have to buy ice cream,

Leif's mom doesn't have to stay under water with Pete again although that thing she was doing in the hot tub was amazing, with a capital O face.

Everyone that is from out of town doesn't have to drive and pollute the environment and waste gas to feel like losers. Just look around: you live in Boulder, you don't need to be a glutton for pain.

Denverites, this isn't Confluence play wave, this is pure pristine Wild and Scenic Poudre water, you will probably have an allergic reaction to the fresh spring water.
 

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What I do not get is stage V A. Is stage V A where you start to get plugs because there seems to be a bit more hair at V A than at VII. Maybe VII is as bad as it gets then you realize your bald and get plugs, which obviously do not work great and all of a sudden your back to V A. JJ just go straight to V A I think there is a free plug clinic next Thursday afternoon, so we all understand if you cannot make it to the race, I the race will always be there, your hairline won't.

P the FullHeadOfHair
 

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OK. So now we have Switchback putting up a front that he actually wants to race, but that it must be extremely low water so that he doesn't have to swim at the first rapid. Anybody want to comment on postponing the race until Aug. 1 so that McClutchsky and anybody else who can't make it next Thursday can race. I think we will still have water (>1.5) but we can't be sure. At this point things are dropping out pretty quickly but I think it will hold until then.

If we move the race to Aug. 1st to accommodate you McCoochie, you must be in attendance and I will put a month long mustache bet that I am still going to come out on top, even at knuckle dragging levels, which is your specialty. The scary thing is visualizing you with sixteen curly blonde hairs above your lip. Uhhg. Remember the rules before you agree. 1 month sporting a mustache, no hair below the lip, and the time doesn't start until you actually have a mustache (which could be an extra month of embarrassing peach fuzz, unless you hit puberty since I saw you last). Talk amongst yourszelves.
 

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I for one am against postponing the race for Kyle. His huge head would pop if we postponed a fort collins event for somebody that doesn't even live here. Phuq him and his couch. There is a reason his nickname is "Switchback Mountain"
 

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I say get it while the gettins good. I was up there today polishing off my whiteline boof and I haven't seen a boof like that since I went to Tijauna and saw the ol Leif's mom and senor donkey show (there is supposed to be a tilde above the n in senor but I don't know how to do that). Oh and just in case you thought I could be beat because my boat fills up with water faster than poo in JJ's Depends, I got a new shell today. Uh oh, somebody's closer.
 

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This thursday, next wednesday, it don't matter as I'm going to smoke you all. Level is 2.1ft as of this Sunday at 5pm and is looking to be optimal for race lines with a good chance of some carnage in places.

Lotsalikecock - you better lay off the colorado ruben as those love handles will do little to help your performance other than giving you extra floatation when you're swimming out of white line. allthough i hear my mom likes having something to hold onto when she's giving it to you with her strap on and she tells me your handles work great. i'm honestly a little surprised your into that and wouldn't have believed it until i saw her mounting you from the rear last week on the narrows. wow... your a giving person...or shall i say a taking person.

Yourrealsister - please apply some vagisil to your nether regions before the race as you might be a little sore after the prelims and ps a new hull will do little to help your performance if you're still running the sneaks.

Paul the boyfriend of yourrealsister - are you sure you remember the lines up on the gnarrows? as i haven't seen you on the water in awhile but i did see some sweet footage of your swimming in DT. hopefully your boys knew how to fish you out. i figured you had sold you boat and taken up rollerblading since then. you know the hardest thing about rollerblading? telling your dad your gay.

JJH - stop watching my race lines as you ain't got the skills or hairline to follow what i've got planned. i'm taking that belt buckle from you whether you like it or not.

Dotcom - you better figure out the line on super collider as surfing the hole is no way to win the race but will provide some good friendly rubbing all winter long.

Frenchy - i've heard about your plans to bring the long boat and while some may consider it cheating last years final four may allow it due to your old age as thats the only way you're making it into the finals this year.
 

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You bitches better bring some peaches if I show up.. I'll be collecting them.

I like peach pie btw.. And I'll take that belt buckle to get polished so I have some more bling bling...

Scott
 
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