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Discussion Starter #1
It's getting to be that time of year again when all the local club boaters come out and talk trash about the Poudre Gnarrows race. The Poudre is under 3 feet and should be in the race flows range soon.

This year is special as the race is 10 years old and the belt buckle is full. The winner this year gets to keep the original buckle, but has to find a replacement and transfer all the names over.

The race will be August 1st at noon. That means it's on a weekend and you have almost 2 full weeks notice. No complaining about it being on a weeknight or lack of notice this year.

I hope to see a big crowd this year.
 

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Really? No one? Jeez, what a sad state of Fort Collins/Front Range boating these days. Maybe everyone has gotten to tired from getting beat down in the Cripps Hole to race anymore. Or was it that the Denver peeps know that Lower Narrows is not a stretch that you can easily swim across to win. Are the Fort Collins people too busy trying to get rid of the Herpes they got from the Trailhead. That stuff doesn't go away, it's the gift that keeps on giving. Go spread the love around at the Mish during a god awful Phish cover show. The only thing worse than a Phish show is a shitastic cover show attended by CSU trustafarians. The state of the Poudre is lame. No real boaters just people who want to float BPI to BTO in their Jackson Karmas and post their GoPro vid to FB to get 4 likes of their awesome flat spin in the takeout wave. I guess the race will be Nathan, Spencer, and Evan. Probably finish in that order although AW might pull out the old man dad strength and overtake the young buck. Actually, maybe there will be 4 boaters as the man who is actually AW shows up from the North like a Stark, which means he will lose just like that family. Is this really what the buzz has come to? Is everyone so PC and worried about people's feelings that they don't talk shit anymore. Raising a nation of wussies.

P.S.
I won't make it because if I can't boof on people's heads at Whiteline it ain't worth racing. ImageUploadedByMountain Buzz1438092063.029159.jpg


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This is 2015 the shit talking is on social media these days. YourRealdad stay in Glenwood because we don't want to have to have to rope you out of the "new" Whiteline every time you're getting beat down.
 

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No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.
 

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No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.
YRD you sound bitter. One too many swims at Killer Bridge in the past? Bring a bigger creek boat next time you're running that gnar and I'm sure you'll do just fine.
 

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This is the best the Fort can bring? Makes me ashamed to call it my home town. Nothing but a bunch of mustache loving hipsters that can't even talk a good game, lest back it up.

I will get back to this thread when there is talking worth listening to
 

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The reason we Fort Collinsonianites are reserved with our shit talking is to ensure your preemptively deflated egos actually make the drive out to the Poudre so we have someone to humiliate. If you knew you were going to lose a race to a bunch of drunk raft guides in a twenty year old raft held together with duct tape, which will be the outcome, then you would not take a day off of practicing your swim technique at grizzly creek. The lack of silly trash talking is not out of humility, ignorance, or fear; we are just saving our breath for the gloating that will occur after our grandmothers repack the throw ropes that pulled you out.

p.s. The rafters have taken a vow not to take dumps until saturday so we can drop fecal mines on our way down. That way you can say that you were [email protected] on before, during, and after your DFL run.

Thats literal shit talking.
 

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Dumber then..

The reason there is no shit talking taking place is two fold..

First, kayaking is dumb.. No one kayaks anymore. Every time I have been up on the narrows this year, all I see are SUP boards and rec boats heading over to grand lake... Kayaking was cool when this race started 10 years ago.. But now all the cool kids are trimming their mustaches while doing yoga in tight pants on their tricked out SUP board.

So YOUREALMOM, get with the times, pick up a SUP board and start running the class 2 gnar, just make sure you have your Go Pro on.

The second reason is that this is no longer a kayaking forum, this is a, what Yeti cooler best fits my 14 foot Saturn raft forum. This has happened because kayaking is no longer cool, and taking you and your 8 kids floating on pump house is where it's at (I hear there is a hot spring on the river, can you believe it?)

With that said I look forward to seeing all of you un-cool people out there come race day. I will be sure to stop and honk as I drive my 14 foot Saturn raft with the best cooler money can buy up the canyon on my way to a little Pump House rafting. If I am lucky I might even be able to talk a fellow SUP boarder into joining me for a trip down the river! Oh man it's going to be so fun!

Oh and the final (I know I originally only said there were two reasons) reason is that all the good trash talkers moved out of the country or died... Thanks for keeping us honest YOUREALPERV...
 

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Discussion Starter #11
my money is on spencer. that guy is on fire.
I think Spencer almost made it to the final heat once. He could have won the preliminary heat a couple years ago, but he decided pinning below Whiteline was more fun. I may have laughed at him as I went by. There was also the year the race start was delayed because Spencer was taking swim lessons in the eddy of doom in Whiteline. Now if you want to bet on who has the most excuses for why they lost my money is on Spencer.


It seems like the water is going to stay up for a while longer so it is looking like the race will be pushed at least one week.
 

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Isn't it obvious? There are still rocks covered with water on that run! Waay too high for Colorado boaters to boat, much less race. Have you been to Clear Creek? I tried to go last week, when it finally got too low, and it was so full of cars I couldn't find a parking space. I had to snap the back of someone's farmer john, push his visor over his eyes, and toss his AT & Jackson kayak down the embankment to make room for my car.

I'm hoping to make it out there but the time is potentially a problem for me. At the very least I'll join in the Kevin choir and point out how soft Ft Fun boaters are. I bet the winner will be too scared to swim across the finish line.
 

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Hold up. There is now a raft category in the gNarrows race? Don't know if there are any prizes for who spent the most money on a yeti cooler and a bimini.
 

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I'm gonna kick everyone's ass in the race because I'm the best boater on the river!! yourrealdad might have a chance if he wasn't DVT from glenHOOD springs where they run a 1/4 wave train and call it class 3 Shoshone. With my modified river saucer, I can boof mountains, let alone some river named after the female reproduction organ. Be ready to feel the pain as you get destroyed by my modified river saucer!
 

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Safety?

Do you guys need people running safety on certain rapids in upper/lower narrows? Im not good enough to run the whole thing but would be down to help out and/or run shuttle!
 

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Too high for this week? Has it been officially moved? It's under three feet, what's the issue? You want 1.5'?

You may have to contend with Riley in a long boat if you delay it.


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I think Spencer almost made it to the final heat once. He could have won the preliminary heat a couple years ago, but he decided pinning below Whiteline was more fun. I may have laughed at him as I went by. There was also the year the race start was delayed because Spencer was taking swim lessons in the eddy of doom in Whiteline. Now if you want to bet on who has the most excuses for why they lost my money is on Spencer.


It seems like the water is going to stay up for a while longer so it is looking like the race will be pushed at least one week.
I feel like I should defend myself but I'm more hoping your head gets so big you're too top heavy to boof.


I'm guessing this was taken the day before you swam this drop.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I feel like I should defend myself but I'm more hoping your head gets so big you're too top heavy to boof.


I'm guessing this was taken the day before you swam this drop.
Nice, that was a couple days before I swam it. At least I don't swim in the whitewater park.

I'm expecting a good crowd this year, Austin and Caleb were trying out the long boats last night. Lucas is paddling super strong if he can make it. It shouldn't be the cake walk it was last year.
 

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Hold up. There is now a raft category in the gNarrows race? Don't know if there are any prizes for who spent the most money on a yeti cooler and a bimini.
First off, who can afford a yeti when we're spending all that money on duct tape to keep the boat together. The cheap K-mart cooler will stay at home because the raft run will be so quick the beer in the rusty old Toyota will still be cold. And that way we'll have room for a dry bag full of towels to mop up your tears at the take out.
Secondly, the bimini (stolen=free=$0) exists simply to create enough drag to keep your shiny new (insert condescending brand snobbery) kayak in range of the farts we'll be crop dusting you with. Its no fun if we can't see you lose.

Thirdly, why put it off a week? Pushing rubber through holes is way cooler than paddling around the suck holes with a plastic tube. Choose how much Poudre you can handle getting in your mouth.
 
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