Originally Posted by raymo
First sign of addiction is denial. Are we going to have to find someone a 12 step program? Happy boating and a Marrrry Christmas to all.
I like this 12 step program:
HOW TO READY YOURSELF FOR 3 WEEKS ON THE GRAND A PADDLER'S 12 STEP PROGRAM.
1. Choose what you would like to wear for the next 3 weeks, but make sure it fits in a paper grocery bag.
2. One week before the trip, have a yard of sand delivered to your house. Sprinkle liberally in your dresser drawers, and on the kitchen counter, and fill your salt shaker,sugar bowl and cereal boxes.
3. Pour sand on garbage can lid. Place in front of a fan. Set on high.
4 Rent a projection TV and illuminate the walls and ceiling of your bedroom with old Dracula movies, especially the snake, lizard, scorpion rodent and bat infested scenes.
5. Each day at 9 am and 5pm, have your friends form a long line. Then pass the entire contents of your home out the front door, around the side, and into the back door of your house.
6. Wash all your dishes by hand using only gross, chunky dish water.
7. Sit on the hood of your car while riding through the car wash. Make sure you stay wet for a few hours in a breeze, or in front of the fan--the one thats blowing sand.
8. Set up horseshoe stakes in the back yard. Then practice kicking it with your bare toe every night.
9. Line your sandals with sandpaper and spend two hours a day on a StairMaster.
10. Drape the contents of your brown grocery bag on the bushes and rocks in your back yard. Twice a day practice changing clothes while your neighbors watch.
11. With 16 friends standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool, practice looking nonchalant as you rcarry on a conversation and pee simutaneously
12. Go to the bathroom in your upstairs waste basket and then, with your pants still around your ankles, run downstairs and pee in the tub.