Up Shit Creek Volume II - share your goover epics! - Mountain Buzz
 

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Old 04-04-2020   #1
Shapp
 
the grove, Oregon
Paddling Since: 1986
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,804
Up Shit Creek Volume II - share your goover epics!

Well given the societal shit storm we find our selves in:

If you aren't acquainted with the fine publication "Up Shit Creek", you should be:
https://www.powells.com/book/-9780898159394

It is a refined collection of epic groover mishaps that are rated on the disgusting scale by toilet paper rolls, 1 roll for the fairly tame shit on your person, to maybe an epic 5 roller with possibly some shit in your eyes or mouth.

The following poem was written by me after my sister had a groover collapse incident one morning on the Wallowa-Grande Ronde River after Robert drank too much the night before and was the first person to destroy the groover in the morning with a big old hangover juicy duce. The rest of us were cleaning up breakfast, when we hear a big yell followed by "I need some help!". An epic collapse on my sister led to great photo ops of her cleaning up in the river so that the incident could be properly document for posterity.

We had a not-so-sturdy groover system at that time, and this epic fail lead to a significant upgrade. I wrote this poem and taped it into the back of the cover of a copy of Up Shit Creek, which I gave to my sister for her next birthday (what else are big brothers for?)




On a trip of a life time "kayaking" and/or "lubricated hiking" down the Dirty Devil, on our first night camp, one of our members literally punctured their eyeball on a shrub while sitting down on the groover which required an emergency hike out! Not so funny, but an epic groover story non-the-less. On a subsequent trip down the Middle Fork Salmon, I brought some safety goggles specifically for that person to use if needed!

Share your epic groover incidents! Maybe some of these will make it in to Volume II of Up Shit Creek. Mt Buzz is dead, Long live Mt Buzz!

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Old 04-04-2020   #2
 
2tomcat2's Avatar
 
Westminster, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1980
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 612
These two stories star culprits from the same family, brothers in fact:

Years ago, a group of friends backpacked and explored Copper Canyon. In the group were 2 brothers, let's call them Louie and Pierre. Louie (featured in the next story) had invited his brother Pierre on this adventure, despite Pierre's lack of outdoor experience.
The trip was going well, until the first morning in camp, Pierre heard the "call of the wild". He was a bit rushed, thankful he was finally seated, with a great sigh of relief, sank all his weight onto the seat of the toilet...only problem was the toilet was one of those flimsy hook-a-bag-on-even-flimsier-metal-legs and WHOOSH! Pierre was smack
dab in the middle of the pile of s**t. Not wanting to start a ruckus or invite finger pointing and laughter from his brother Louie and friends, Pierre quietly cleaned up the best he could and returned to camp...needless to say, his dirty deed was discovered by the next user, with appropriate rolling on the ground laughter
and telling of the tale to this day

Louie and "the washing machine"
It was a lovely June trip on Deso and our camps had been beautiful, great food and companions and everyone pulling their weight with camp chores (and then some) Enter Louie and his careful inattention to the groover maintenance instructions from the TL:
Louie to Tom: "Can I help with adding chemicals to the groover?"
Tom: "Sure, just add a capful of additive and give it a mix"
Louie: " You mean mix it up?"
Tom: "Yeah, that's fine"
So helpful Louie does his thing, adds the capful, closes the lid on the River Bank groover and begins to SHAKE (not stirred) the groover. Louie places it on the ground, washes his hands and returns to packing up his belongings.
Tom is finished pumping the boat, etc., seeing no one in line, heads to the groover.
Much to his dismay and disgust, the seat and outsides of the
River Bank box are covered (in you know what). He remembers the conversation he had with Louie and hunts him down..."well, you said to mix it", says the contrite Louie, who with much gagging and other gross sounds, was set to the task of cleaning up the groover...we still invite him on trips, but insist on telling the "mix it" story with much glee and exaggeration

Short story:
Camped at Steer Ridge, just before dark, hear this THUD coming from the groover area...all accounted for, scurry over and find a yearling cub running away from a knocked over and full (of course) groover...forward to present day, everyone knows how to open and close the inner seal after a night visit
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Old 04-04-2020   #3
 
Salida, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1986
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 961
My buddy Tom was ice fishing and had to crap after they got out on the ice. He unzipped his one piece hooded carhart type suit and took care of business, zipped everything back up, flipped the hood up, and figured out what he had done after his other buddy said, "hey whats that running down your head," thus immediately ending that day of fishing.
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Old 04-05-2020   #4
Gary F
 
Philipsburg, Montana
Paddling Since: 1984
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 58
Inspired by the other (hilarious....now) stories here is my story:



We went on a Salmon River trip
where the boat with the groover flipped
We spent the next hour retrieving gear and turning the boat over
He had went sideways over the pour over
Eddying out at our new camp, we spread our belongings
When we all heard a loud panicked shout
We all went to scout
There was my sweetie in front of the groover with a serious pout
The groover's contents had exploded all about
Covering her face neck and chest
She started to cry with the best
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Old 04-05-2020   #5
 
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Roaring Fork Valley, Colorado
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I shit my pants once on Fiesta Night.
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Old 04-06-2020   #6
 
Salida, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blade&Shaft View Post
I shit my pants once on Fiesta Night.

Thanks for sharing that LOL
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Old 04-06-2020   #7
 
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Kalispell, Montana
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Apr 2012
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MF Salmon trip 2015. I drew the short straw and got to empty the groovers at the SCAT machine. (poop doesn't scare me, I had kids, changed diapers, etc.)


So I went in the little hut with our two boxes of poo and my donor cam strap, and proceeded to clean the boxes. My tripmates were all out sitting on the trailer, enjoying the sunshine and drinking beer.

Unbeknownst to them, I stripped to my tighty-whities and ran out of the room screaming. "I can't get clean! I can't get the poop off me! Help me Jesus! Help me Allah! Help me Tom Cruise!"

Apologies to those who don't like Will Ferrell's humor. I thought it was funny!
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Old 04-06-2020   #8
 
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C. Springs, Colorado
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Many years ago I was at the end on a High School Deso trip and we were unloading the boats at Swasey's boat ramp. I told one on the kids to lug the five gallon groover bucket to the top of the ramp so it could be loaded on the trailer parked up there.

The kid didn't want to touch it but I was very insistent that he do it. After some argument he took the bucket and stomped up the ramp with it. Then I heard a commotion and lots of yelling from the teacher in charge.

When this young lad got to the top of the ramp, instead of setting it down....he dropped in disgust . Luckily he dropped it right next to the teacher he was bringing it to. The bottom broke on the bucket and the crap started leaking out. The teacher grabbed it and ran to the pit toilet and started working on getting the lid off and dumping it into the toilet. Lots of screaming, yelling and cussing ensued. It took a while to get the mess cleaned up and the pit toilet washed out.

That was the last time I saw five gallon buckets used as groovers on a High School river trip.
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Old 04-10-2020   #9
 
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Palisade, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1992
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 14
I took a group of high school students down the San Juan a few years back. On the way, we stopped at Subway, where one student, Samuel, decided to order a 12" sub with double meat--every kind of meat, mind you, and gleefully eat the whole thing. Once we were underway, the adults noticed that on day three, the groover was still basically empty. All of the students were scared sh**less of using the groover. After much cajoling, threatening, and horrible stories of what happens when you don't use the groover on a five day trip, the groover started to fill up.
This was all fine and dandy until the clean-up day. My sister and I took the box to our bustling local RV dump station, forgetting, in the process, to bring gloves and the hose. We basically just opened up the ammo box, unscrewed the lid, and tipped it forward, chasing wayward poos down the drain hole with the water hose (much to the disgust of the RVers we were sharing the dump station with).
Towards the bottom of the box, a large shape emerged amongst the poo soup--it was Samuel's Subway behemoth. *It was as big as two of my fists and looked like a sh**y hand grenade. We coaxed it out of the groover, but it was too big to fit in the dump station drain hole. My sister eventually had to find a stick to poke it down with. The whole experience was hilarious and stomach-turning.*
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Old 04-23-2020   #10
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
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You ever hear about the time Calamity James put the groover on the blaster because the lid was stuck? Not my story to tell but it's one for the books.....
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