Just some jokes - Mountain Buzz

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Old 01-16-2013   #1
don't bogart that
rpludwig's Avatar
Frosted Flakes N of Baytuckey, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 185
Just some jokes

Coloradans according to Jeff Foxworthy

Coloradans according to Jeff Foxworthy
1. You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.

2. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder"means.

3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from
The mountains.

4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.

5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your
Own special bike lane

6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without even flinching.

7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you
Would never go there otherwise.

8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat
Tire Beer.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.

11. You know al l 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and
Spring blizzards

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU's

13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from
Altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

14. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but
Can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.

16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer
And not get a buzz.

17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.

18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.

19. April showers bring May blizzards.

20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.

21. You know what a 'Chinook' is

22. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.

23. You know what a "fourteener" is.

24. But you don't know what a"turn signal" is.

25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a
Democrat in Congress does.

26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.

27. You know who Alfred Packer was and what he did.

28. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.

29. SPF 90 is not out of the question.

30. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.

31. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

32. Thunder has set off your car alarm.

33. A full moon has never kept you awake at night.

34. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.

35. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.

36. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.

37. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!

38. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.

39. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.

40. You know where the real "South Park" is.

41. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

42. Driving directions usually include 'Go over_________ Pass.'

43. You've 'checked for ticks'

44. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka w/a hood.

45. You've gone snow skiing in July and...

46. You've gone sunbathing in January and...

47. They were in the same year!

48. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run
Into both oceans.

49. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction
From knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

50. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your
Colorado friends

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Old 01-20-2013   #2
hojo's Avatar
Lakewood, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1989
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,235
I live 2 miles from

Truth -> #7
On the river, I can abandon who I am and what I've done. However brief it lasts, while on the river I am nothing important and everything insignificant. I am flotsam, and happy to be so.
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Old 01-20-2013   #3
adgeiser's Avatar
Denver,, exhaustion
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 579
48 & 49. Yep.
"We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around here" -Edward Abbey
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Old 01-21-2013   #4
pnw, Colorado
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,408
We have A/C?
"Yesterday I was clever and tried to change the world. Today I am wise and try to change myself." -Rumi
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Old 01-21-2013   #5
Boy Howdy!
pinemnky13's Avatar
Colotucky, USA
Paddling Since: 2006
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,064
Originally Posted by gh View Post
We have A/C?
Just fixe one in Aspen so they could have it over Christmas
Who's your monkey?
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