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Old 02-21-2009   #1
 
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Joe the Conservative

A Day in the Life of Joe the Conservative

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

He prepares his morning breakfast: bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment checks because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved conservatives have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

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Old 02-21-2009   #2
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Nice post. It will be fun to see the flaming begin.
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Old 02-21-2009   #3
 
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I have an idea

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich View Post
A Day in the Life of Joe the Conservative

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

He prepares his morning breakfast: bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment checks because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved conservatives have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."


Instead of liberals and conservatives maybe it should be WE THINK WE ARE GODS and Conservatives. Seriously dont you think that it is time to stop flaming the conservative party! Instead of playing the blame game for the last 8 years isnt it time to start looking at the future.

We can play the blame game for as long as you want but that will not get us anywhere. we need to start thinking about the future.

I think that your god "Obama" will probably will do a good job but the only thing that scares me is that he is turning us into a socialist nation. And that scares the shit out of me!

My thoughts are that instead of thinking democrat or republican, liberal or conservative, that we need to start thinking about more American. We need to fix these problems as Americans not as republicans or democrats.

So instead of being Democrats or Republicans Lets be Americans!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-21-2009   #4
 
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Wasn't it Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) who was talking about nationalizing banks?
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Old 02-22-2009   #5
 
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Mr. Carlson,
I think you missed the point at the end of Rich's post. The continual espousal of "small government" misses the point that the Government has created and to this day maintains some of our most essential safeguards, ones that are frequently overlooked. Blaming liberal politicians and citizens for promoting "big government" and "socialism" as you do ignores the fact that government has and will do alot of good for you.
It might be an inefficient institution, but try testing your own medications for their purity. Try constantly ensuring that the producer of your food adheres to basic safety standards. Try doing everything that Rich lists by yourself, everyday. That would be impossible, both in terms of time and financial feasibility. Government has an economy of scale, and is able to do these things far more cheaply and to greater effect.
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Old 02-22-2009   #6
 
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The idea that “God Obama” is turning us into a “socialist nation” has you crapping your drawers? Jesus. How about the reality that the “capitalists” who built the economic house of cards that’s collapsing all around us have turned us into a smoking rubble? Does that have any effect on your nervous sphincter? It damned well should. Join the growing line for adult diapers down at Wal-Mart. It could get ugly. Fistfights and hair-pulling frenzies over Fitted Maximum Protection Depend diapers are on the dark horizon.

Once you have the Six EasyGrip™ Tabs snugged up on your diaper, take a look at the unbridled greed and selfishness that underpins the collapse of our “economic system”. A useful starting place would be the Guru of Greedheads, former Senator Phil Gramm. Foreclosure Phil published a piece in Friday's Wall Street Journal totally denying any role in the credit crisis. No, the Gramm Cracker “reasons”, it was government liberals who take all the blame. Jesus, even Alan Greenspan has the emaciated “free market” balls to admit "Those of us who have looked to the self-interest of lending institutions to protect shareholder's equity – myself especially – are in a state of shocked disbelief."

We are so relieved that Greenspan is experiencing “shocked disbelief” at the rampant greed that he encouraged. But let’s return to the unrepentant asswipe who set the stage for this collapse, Foreclosure Phil Gramm. He argues it couldn't have been the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Financial Services Modernization Act that he co-authored back in 1999 (that Bill Clinton happily signed) that led to any of this. The God of Deregulation wasn’t satisfied with breaking down banking barriers that had protected Americans since the Great Depression. No, he had more work to do to undermine our economic system. So he authored the Commodity Futures Modernization Act, a turd he said would ensure that neither the SEC nor the Commodity Futures Trading Commission got into the business of regulating newfangled financial products called swaps – and would thus "protect financial institutions from overregulation" and "position our financial services industries to be world leaders into the new century."

Yeah, world leaders all right. They lead us and the rest of the world off the cliff.

Foreclosure Phil now works for the investment banking arm of UBS, the giant Swiss bank. UBS may have to fork over the names of 52,000 depositors who may have been trying to avoid paying their U.S. incomes taxes. We can be pretty damned sure that Foreclosure Phil will blame government for that, too. After all, if America didn't have any income taxes at all, UBS wouldn't have been forced to hide all that money illegally.

So before you crap your pants over what Obama’s doing to try to salvage the crumbling economy, take a look back at the foundation of this collapse. You’ll see that your beloved “capitalists” are really responsible for your fecal leakage. Here’s some sound investment advice: Run down to your local Wal-Mart right immediately and buy a case of Depend Fitted Maximum Protection Depend diapers while they still have them. Better yet, buy all of them and start your very own unregulated Diaper Black Market.
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Old 02-22-2009   #7
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Elitism - Only liberals have done anything for the cause of human beings in society.
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Old 02-22-2009   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riparian View Post
How about the reality that the “capitalists” who built the economic house of cards that’s collapsing all around us have turned us into a smoking rubble?
Aren't you a bucket of sunshine this morning?

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Old 02-22-2009   #9
 
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Yeah, feel free to call me Mr. Fuckin' Sunshine. Just for giggles, why don't you tell us how the "fundamentals of our economy are sound"? That would be a bucket of laughs. In case you haven't noticed, we're pretty well screwed and will be for a long time. Hype? Go ask an economist what they think.
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Old 02-22-2009   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecarlson972 View Post
Instead of playing the blame game for the last 8 years isnt it time to start looking at the future.

We can play the blame game for as long as you want but that will not get us anywhere. we need to start thinking about the future.

Actually, nothing was said about the last 8 years or blame, are you feeling a little guilty over what happened the last 8 years???

And I was discribing how our life today has been improved by "liberals" in the past that were "looking to the future".

Most "liberal" ideas of today (universal health care, reducing our dependence on terrorist oil, mass transit, etc, etc) are not based on greed, but are based on "thinking about the future".

Corporate America is only concerned with this quarters financial results, luckly our past is full of people (sometimes called liberals or progressives) that were also concerned with the future.
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