South Platte Spots Available - Mountain Buzz
 



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Old 05-22-2009   #1
 
Riparian's Avatar
 
Little Village, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
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South Platte Spots Available

I am the trip leader for a 7 day trip down the South Platte through Downtown Denver to Fort Morgan. We have had a few people who are unable to make it on the trip due to legal issues, and now we are left with a few openings. I am looking for seven or eight professional strippers (age 25 or under, but older than 18... bring ID) who would like to go on this exciting river expedition. Exotic dancing around the campfire first, followed by unbridled Kama Sutra experimentation later, with heavy duty "adult activity" absolutely expected. The launch is whenever my parole office says "yes", and we will be returning whenever the beer and whiskey run out. It's a cost-sharing trip, which means that we buy the booze and meth (and some chips-n-salsa) and you fulfill our twisted desires without hesitation. We are a fun group of ex-cons, we like to drink heavily/shout at the ground (and water) pretty much every waking hour. The group going is relatively good looking if you don't mind hideous knife-fight scars and overflowing beer guts... and your contact lenses are safe at home. Contact me for additional details. Minor STDs are not a problem.

Sorry guys, we are full up on men.

Cheers!

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Old 05-22-2009   #2
 
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Bozeman, Montana
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rip, wtf dude? twisted and shroomed at 915, damn you start the weekend off early.
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Old 05-22-2009   #3
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N. Cascades, Washington
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riparian View Post
.....We are a fun group of ex-cons, we like to drink heavily/shout at the ground (and water) pretty much every waking hour.....
Ha, nice. I hate the f'ing ground too-always just layin there starin back at me. Good luck with the strippers. There's a small plethora of em that lurk here. Shouldnt be a problem.
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Old 05-22-2009   #4
 
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Little Village, Colorado
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Originally Posted by FLOWTORCH View Post
Good luck with the strippers. There's a small plethora of em that lurk here. Shouldnt be a problem.
Yeah, that's what me and the boys thought. We figured a place like Mountain Buzz would be loaded with bored strippers looking for a S. Platte wilderness experience. No inquiries yet, but I remain optimistic.
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Old 05-22-2009   #5
 
Land of Lovin, Colorado
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Does anyone want to buy a champagne drink?
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Old 05-22-2009   #6
 
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Little Village, Colorado
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Originally Posted by Jensjustduckie View Post
Does anyone want to buy a champagne drink?
Nah, but an overpriced Coors would be killer!
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Old 05-22-2009   #7
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denver, Colorado
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has anybody ever told you that you kinda look like jeff bridges?
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Old 05-22-2009   #8
 
Duhrango
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FNA!
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Old 05-31-2009   #9
 
Denver, Colorado
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Damn did i already miss out Actually,won't go much past Trestle. Globeville no thanx,then there is the Manure Run[ find old thread "Worst Run in Colorado"} where you paddle flat water past dudes who literally move around piles of cow shit with backhoes for a living.

I would recommend doing the south town run taking out at Trestle.You could just do side hikes to titty bars,that sex arcade near union,and liquor stores/crack houses.
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Old 06-01-2009   #10
 
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Little Village, Colorado
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Nah, you didn't miss out, the whole expedition pretty much fell apart. No strippers signed up. Not one. Can you believe it? I did get a PM from "Peaches", a TV hooker who works Capitol Hill, but I had to explain that this wasn't a paying gig... and besides, none of the group is into her kind of exotica. "She" was crestfallen. Apparently this economy has seriously impacted her business. Tough times for everybody.

Anyhow, three of the trip participants are back in jail and my dream of a wilderness float to Ft. Morgan is on hold for now. Maybe there's still time to join that Deso trip...
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