RRFW SHIVERWIRE - NPS Says Boaters Love It Cold - Mountain Buzz
 

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Old 04-01-2008   #1
 
Tom Martin's Avatar
 
Flagstaff, Arizona
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RRFW SHIVERWIRE - NPS Says Boaters Love It Cold

RRFW SHIVERWIRE - NPS Says Boaters Love It Cold
April 1, 2008

Grand Canyon National Park officials have announced the new Colorado River Management Plan a great success. “We were thrilled to see 800 applicants in the last lottery for a January 14 launch date” noted Steve Gambler, park lottery manager. “It’s great to see our planning really work! There were no applications for the 14th of June!” Gambler stated.

In other Canyon news, Park planners note the recent high flow has left neat piles of firewood stacked at popular campsites, available for trips’ warming fires. “Who needs firewood?” stated river runner Alan Snowdrift from Fairbanks, Alaska. We bring our own coal-fired woodstove in our amphibious motor home, so we don’t even step outside.”

Grand Canyon planning staff continue to refine the river plan weekly. Planner Linsten Gotoslow notes the NPS is about to introduce a Race-Through-Paradise permit. “We think this will be real popular for the two night crowd”, notes Gotoslow, who is sure river runners want faster trips. Gotoslow was pleased to announce “All this talk about being forced to race through paradise was just talk. River runners really do want to “run” through the Canyon!”

River commercial access advocate Turich “50-50” Lumbago, President of the 50-50 Boaters Club, expressed concern over not seeing any other do-it-yourself river runners on his summer trip. “Where is everybody else?” asked “50-50”, when asked how his recent one-trip-a-decade journey went. “All I saw was commercial river trippers, and no do-it-yourselfers. I love the one-trip-a-decade rule!”

“”50-50’” needs to go in the winter to see all the action” noted Snowdrift, as he broke ice out of a valve on his motor home. According to Snowdrift, “This plan clearly shows one thing we have known all along...If you just want more "private boater access" without re-distributing access, you get to go in the winter once a decade.”

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Old 04-01-2008   #2
 
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Tabernash, Colorado
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This has got to be in honor of April Fools Day, right?
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Old 04-02-2008   #3
 
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Golden, Colorado
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That's not funny it just sucks.
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