I need to catch giardia--seriously, but how? - Mountain Buzz
 

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Old 06-08-2005   #1
 
Join Date: May 2004
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I need to catch giardia--seriously, but how?

I have a complicated work legal situation where I need to get sick for 1-2 weeks to delay some things. The company won't give me vacation.

So, I'd like to catch giardia or something similar. Where/how can I catch it?

Before you guys all immediately say "Confluence!", realize that I boat there regularly, perhaps 40 times a year. I did get sick once there last year, but I'm probably immune to it by now.

I realize this is a funny request, but I'm actually very serious. I'm willing to drive a ways to pick up the germs. The company is being unethical and very agressive, which is why I feel the need to resort to this.

Thanks for your help.

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Old 06-08-2005   #2
 
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You need to stop spitting and swallow.
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Old 06-08-2005   #3
 
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Golden, Colorado
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So how about an inner ear problem? Here's one for you- causes significant dizziness and nausea, and there's no way to tell it's really there:

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV)

http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/hw263717.asp

It's kept my girlfriend home from work 2-3 times this year.
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Old 06-08-2005   #4
 
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I know a guy that got Dysentary from the Ark. To get the Beaver Fever try drinking from a beaver pond. Giardia is fun if you like passing out in the bathroom.
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Old 06-08-2005   #5
 
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Indian Hills, Colorado
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Unfortunately for your situation, on sunny days, Confluence only features treated effluent, so the all the poop germs have been killed. May I suggest taking advantage of urban runoff. Simply doing some open-mouth-roll-practice during a spring T-storm should do the trick, preferably downstream of a dog park. Alternately you could try licking some beavers to catch a case of the 'ol beaver fever!
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Old 06-08-2005   #6
 
Join Date: May 2005
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Have you considered forgetting about getting ill and instead spending your time looking for a new employer? It might be just as easy and a lot less painful... otherwise, my dog leaves a lot of doo-doo in my backyard that I would be willing to send you free of charge to eat... that ought to do the trick.
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Old 06-08-2005   #7
 
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Englewood, Colorado
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I used to live in the third world. I, and most of my friends there, have had giardia and amoebas. I have plenty of lay experience with it. Trust me, you do not want giardia. The nice textbook description like "causes diarrhea and abdominal cramps" - hardly tells the full story. Try foamy stools that smell like a sulfur mine, extreme fatigue...oh, and did I mention that it comes instantly. Yes and I do mean INSTANT. If you can't go VERY quickly, you're in a lot of pain, and then you shit your shorts. No joke, I had to carry around a plastic bag and spare boxers. You don't want giardia.
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Old 06-08-2005   #8
 
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Drive up to some cow pasture with standing water and start drinking that stuff. You will get sick in no time.
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Old 06-08-2005   #9
 
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I agree with the previous post--although you may have some time off you may spend some of it in the hospital for rehydration. He forgto to mention that often Giardia is invasive and so can cause bloody diarrhea which is also not pleasant--and you will shit yourself unless you are within 5 feet of a toilet 24/7. It's not your run of the mill intestinal virus that we get occasionally. The benign positional vertigo thing is actually quite agood idea althought there are tests to do to prove that it is there or not despite what webmd says but since your employer is obviously a dumbass--they probably won't be able to figure that out. But your doctor may just tell you to take some meclizine and get back to work, tough call. Here's a good idea--go into your doctor, say you feel really stressed out and it's making your life very hard and then ask for a note for a leave of absence. You'd be surprised what you may get. Particularly if you correlate the increasd stress levels with work.
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Old 06-08-2005   #10
 
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why not go for a mild std. Might be easier and more enjoyable to contract.

In all seriousness, a friend’s brother drank pond water as part of a Penn State Frat hazing thing and ended up dying from meningitis shortly after. They never could fully correlate the two, but it sure seemed likely. At any rate just don't do anything stupid.
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