2013 Dolores Release Dates Announced - Mountain Buzz
 



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Old 04-01-2013   #1
swimming
 
Your Moms Pants, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1991
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2013 Dolores Release Dates Announced

The Dolores Water Conservancy District has just announced their operating plan for the 2013 season.

This years release is scheduled for one day increments of 3000 cfs planned on Tuesday and Fridays between 1 am and 1:30 am starting tomorrow, April 2nd and going through Friday, April 19th

The flow increments are designed to emulate natural flows due to a shifting climate thanks to excessive bean farming and late night vomit flushing on the reservation.

Boaters are forewarned that all furloughed BLM employees will be scattered throughout the canyon, hiding in bushes waiting for stoned Colorado boaters smoking marijuana in camp and have been instructed to confiscate any and all gear from the offending parties. Violators will also be given community service, serviceable by catching and killing any and all native fish species that are left above the Utah border.

Any and all questions can be directed to the DWCDs new release help line at 1-900-PISS-OFF

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Old 04-01-2013   #2
 
Fort Collins, CO, Colorado
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An April Fools joke and a biting commentary in one post. Good stuff!
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