10th Annual Poudre Gnarrows Race August 1st at Noon - Mountain Buzz
 

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Old 07-21-2015   #1
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
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10th Annual Poudre Gnarrows Race August 1st at Noon

It's getting to be that time of year again when all the local club boaters come out and talk trash about the Poudre Gnarrows race. The Poudre is under 3 feet and should be in the race flows range soon.

This year is special as the race is 10 years old and the belt buckle is full. The winner this year gets to keep the original buckle, but has to find a replacement and transfer all the names over.

The race will be August 1st at noon. That means it's on a weekend and you have almost 2 full weeks notice. No complaining about it being on a weeknight or lack of notice this year.

I hope to see a big crowd this year.

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Old 07-22-2015   #2
 
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So who's goin to tee off and start the shit talking!
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Old 07-28-2015   #3
 
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Really? No one? Jeez, what a sad state of Fort Collins/Front Range boating these days. Maybe everyone has gotten to tired from getting beat down in the Cripps Hole to race anymore. Or was it that the Denver peeps know that Lower Narrows is not a stretch that you can easily swim across to win. Are the Fort Collins people too busy trying to get rid of the Herpes they got from the Trailhead. That stuff doesn't go away, it's the gift that keeps on giving. Go spread the love around at the Mish during a god awful Phish cover show. The only thing worse than a Phish show is a shitastic cover show attended by CSU trustafarians. The state of the Poudre is lame. No real boaters just people who want to float BPI to BTO in their Jackson Karmas and post their GoPro vid to FB to get 4 likes of their awesome flat spin in the takeout wave. I guess the race will be Nathan, Spencer, and Evan. Probably finish in that order although AW might pull out the old man dad strength and overtake the young buck. Actually, maybe there will be 4 boaters as the man who is actually AW shows up from the North like a Stark, which means he will lose just like that family. Is this really what the buzz has come to? Is everyone so PC and worried about people's feelings that they don't talk shit anymore. Raising a nation of wussies.

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I won't make it because if I can't boof on people's heads at Whiteline it ain't worth racing.Click image for larger version

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Old 07-28-2015   #4
 
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This is 2015 the shit talking is on social media these days. YourRealdad stay in Glenwood because we don't want to have to have to rope you out of the "new" Whiteline every time you're getting beat down.
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Old 07-28-2015   #5
 
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No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.
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Old 07-28-2015   #6
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourrealdad View Post
No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.
YRD you sound bitter. One too many swims at Killer Bridge in the past? Bring a bigger creek boat next time you're running that gnar and I'm sure you'll do just fine.
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Old 07-28-2015   #7
 
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10th Annual Poudre Gnarrows Race August 1st at Noon

This is the best the Fort can bring? Makes me ashamed to call it my home town. Nothing but a bunch of mustache loving hipsters that can't even talk a good game, lest back it up.

I will get back to this thread when there is talking worth listening to
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Old 07-28-2015   #8
 
Fort Collins, Colorado
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The reason we Fort Collinsonianites are reserved with our shit talking is to ensure your preemptively deflated egos actually make the drive out to the Poudre so we have someone to humiliate. If you knew you were going to lose a race to a bunch of drunk raft guides in a twenty year old raft held together with duct tape, which will be the outcome, then you would not take a day off of practicing your swim technique at grizzly creek. The lack of silly trash talking is not out of humility, ignorance, or fear; we are just saving our breath for the gloating that will occur after our grandmothers repack the throw ropes that pulled you out.

p.s. The rafters have taken a vow not to take dumps until saturday so we can drop fecal mines on our way down. That way you can say that you were [email protected] on before, during, and after your DFL run.

Thats literal shit talking.
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Old 07-28-2015   #9
 
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my money is on spencer. that guy is on fire.
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Old 07-28-2015   #10
 
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Dumber then..

The reason there is no shit talking taking place is two fold..

First, kayaking is dumb.. No one kayaks anymore. Every time I have been up on the narrows this year, all I see are SUP boards and rec boats heading over to grand lake... Kayaking was cool when this race started 10 years ago.. But now all the cool kids are trimming their mustaches while doing yoga in tight pants on their tricked out SUP board.

So YOUREALMOM, get with the times, pick up a SUP board and start running the class 2 gnar, just make sure you have your Go Pro on.

The second reason is that this is no longer a kayaking forum, this is a, what Yeti cooler best fits my 14 foot Saturn raft forum. This has happened because kayaking is no longer cool, and taking you and your 8 kids floating on pump house is where it's at (I hear there is a hot spring on the river, can you believe it?)

With that said I look forward to seeing all of you un-cool people out there come race day. I will be sure to stop and honk as I drive my 14 foot Saturn raft with the best cooler money can buy up the canyon on my way to a little Pump House rafting. If I am lucky I might even be able to talk a fellow SUP boarder into joining me for a trip down the river! Oh man it's going to be so fun!

Oh and the final (I know I originally only said there were two reasons) reason is that all the good trash talkers moved out of the country or died... Thanks for keeping us honest YOUREALPERV...
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