1. if your downstream oar knocks out your front teeth, man up and jam those suckers back in.
2. don't ever turn down a grand canyon invite... wait that might be rule # 1.
3. kayaks are brightly colored so you can't miss 'em. kinda like speed bumps. or bikinis.
4. if you run out of space, beer can be stored in empty groover boxes... try to remember, it's only the can that smells funny.
5. refer back to #2
6. don't listen to randaddy... actually, just don't listen midgets in general.
7. backstroking's for wussies.
8. bubble trails are your friend.
9. don't moon the amtrack. it's not just gross, some think it's bad juju.
10. don't feed the river yeti after midnight.
11. i'm sick of typing, so refer back to 2 and 6.