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Old 09-19-2013   #1
aka The Curmudgeon
captishmael's Avatar
Hopelessly Stuck in Yesterday, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1994
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 322
This Explains The Floods, At Long Last!

Here I thought it was meteorological phenomena.

This guy really has a handle on it.

Observe, all you pot smoking, beer drinking, fornicating heathens-

The Lord Continues To Be Mad at Colorado, Photo Shows Torrential Rainfall Pouring from The Heavens - Topekas News

Pour out the Schlitz! Cast off the Turkey Legs! We can't afford another deluge like we've just been through...................

Don't Wanna Die Askin' for Another Chance
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Old 09-19-2013   #2
Denver, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2003
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 69
Wait, if that's sinful Colorado, why is it in the generally conservative plains? Shouldn't it be located in one of the hotbeds of socialism like Boulder?
Someone ought to point out as well that the mountains are to the west, so the hopeful rays of sun are coming from the north west. Idaho perhaps?

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Old 09-19-2013   #3
widewhale's Avatar
Fraser, Colorado
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 22
Dude! Crack open that Schlitz and throw me a turkey leg! 'Bout lost my life laughing at that website! That may be better than The Onion.

"Friends, Colorado got drenched with floodwater because they legalized weed. The smell of it likely wafted up to heaven and upset the angels, who wept and complained until God felt compelled to just wash out all the unnatural herbs and put them under a deep freeze with his mighty winter winds that are awaiting."

Please Send Prayers for Colorado Flood Victims, Because Sending Money Would Be Socialism - Topekas News
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Old 09-19-2013   #4
Land of Lovin, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2006
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,449
I find this paragraph simultaneously hilarious and terrifying:

"Down in my heart and deep, deep down in my spirit, I can sense that the people of Colorado must repent if they do not want this type of thing to happen. They must confess it was selfish, sinful and downright disgusting that they would vote to inhale the vapors of something so reviling, deadly and addictive as marijuana then claim it was not dangerous at all, especially when the Bible says so."
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. - Voltaire
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Old 09-19-2013   #5
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Fraser, Colorado
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 22
Thank you, Captishmael. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"Those who smoke marijuana for the first time often wake up, panties missing and gonads musky with the forgotten exploits of the night before. Their ravaged bodies are in panic, hallucinations and anxiety driving heart palpitations, stroke symptoms and a probable heart attack."

What Happens When You Smoke Weed for the First Time? - Topekas News
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Old 09-19-2013   #6
Idaho Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 189
bahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! thanks for posting this!
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Old 09-19-2013   #7
cadster's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 614
For science go here: Colorado Deluge: "Could Be Classified as a 1,000-Year Event" - ImaGeo |
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Old 09-19-2013   #8
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Aurora, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2009
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Isn't freedom of speech and religion hilarious. AHAHA
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Old 09-19-2013   #9
Denver, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1995
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,239
I wish tokin' would help get my gonads musky more often...the Rastas claim the religious right to smoke because some biblical passage says (paraphrasing) 'God gave all the hetbs of the earth to be used as sacraments ',oh course they also justify cheating on their women and boning everything in sight because Solomon had a bunch of wives.
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Old 09-19-2013   #10
no tengo
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Baytopia, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1876
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,768
this seems like a satire site similar to the onion? one of my fb friends about flipped his shit in anger over these articles for no reason.

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