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Dildo Rock + Noah's Ark = WTF

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43K views 124 replies 51 participants last post by  Soup76 
#1 ·
#4 ·
Just saw this call out on facespace

"Attention, Noah's Ark guides and staff. For several years now, a posse of your guides have been coming to run the Gauley here in West Virginia. As a long-time local here on my home river, I generally welcome others from out of state or country to enjoy one of the most beautiful and wild rivers in the world. But I've been watching you guys. Literally every day you are out here, I see guides with very little water reading and boat control skills doing stupid stuff on the river that most first year trainees have the sense not to do. As a video kayaker, part of me relishes seeing your flotilla getting ready to drop into a major rapid, because I know that an epic shit-show is about to take place, and I run for my camera. This past weekend, you did not disappoint. However, you have left 2 of your rafts pinned underwater in major rapids, creating additional hazards in rapids already known for their willingness and ability to cause serious injury and death. And after your epic crashes, you pile up onto the rocks and party and throw food at one another, leaving your detritus for others to clean up. You can not show up on a world class river like the Gauley(or any other river, if truth be told) and act like that. Observing your post-disaster hilarity at Sweet's Falls, you clearly find this an amusing party. But given your at-best mediocre level of river skills, it is a statistical probability that you are going to kill somebody sooner than later. Clean up your shit, learn to read water, learn to guide rafts. Then you will be welcome here on the Gauley. Until then, stick to rivers that suit your ability level. And God help your customers."
 
#11 ·
I am not sure if the boat is unpinned yet. But once the release stops the boat should free up if it hasn't lost air. My buddy said it was still there yesterday, and he boofed off the pillowing curling wave it made a over dildo rock.

On another note, the guiding is piss poor. Learn to sit correctly in the back of a raft, learn to read water, and learn not to push pry. Video shows it. Who ever trained that "guide" also should be embarrassed. Wonder if the raft owner is laughing when he gets his pile of hypha lob back, if he ever does.
 
#13 ·
I have been watching Noah's peeps year after year eat shit on the Gauley. Every year, every day I see them it is a shit show. Fayettenam people laugh at them, the Pit people know them, the pussies from DC know they are the crash test dummies.
Go big or go home I guess.

I have been at this game for 20+....... Warm forgiving water on the G. With lots of scary spots.

I don't like to or enjoy watching people eat shit. I can find adventure without misadventure.
 
#15 ·
I've never been on the Gauley or been to Gauleyfest, but there are copious number of videos showing other raft company's with idiot guides and epic carnage. Maybe not the total carnage and idiocy shown in this video though.

I imagine most of the carnage videos show local companies and not just Colorado transplants that come out for a week of fun. For the record, I have no connection to Noah's Ark, I just find it funny that most of you are singling them out as being the inexperienced idiots when there is ample evidence that the Gauley seems to be filled with them if youtube videos are any evidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkFTPwj4tqg
 
#16 ·
I'll go ahead and put my foot in.

Don't know much about paddle rafting.

BUT
That constant manta about sitting on the tubes to get the most effective strokes AND having to row all the way through sure is dumb.

When there is a wall at the bottom and its a rapid that has a history of dumping people ..... NO!

Loosing stroke effectiveness happens.
Higher less secure positioning increases risk of boaters coming out knocking fellow boaters out of the raft.
Not using hands with opposable thumbs to hang on to the raft makes me sad.

========

I'm gonna say prior to impact secure your paddle flat in the river side tube against the outside of the boat, perhaps also grabbing a skirt line and utilizing that inboard hand to hold fast.
If space allows drop to your knees for a more secure center of gravity and allow your legs a chance to hold you in.

In the above video only one raft flips, and none in the main rapid, but about half the paddle rafters are thrown or knocked out of the boat.

It is as if the Guide Mantra to row threw was designed to have MORE excitement and not a safer posture.

=======

I'll take my beating on-line.
 
#17 ·
Good call Mayhem, kind of a junk show all around.

It reminds me of that jump under the chairlift (pick your mountain, there's one) where all the grom's line up and huck it, only to land on the up hill side of the divot and explode - and they repeat it every run.......

It all just looks painful.
 
#20 ·
#21 ·
No question, Sweets Falls is a location of potential junk shows. But I see it as a 3 choice of junk show.
1. Junk show by choice.
2. Junk show by mistake or miscalculation
3. Junk show by pure lack of knowledge or skill set.

My humble opinion is that the boat in the original video (with Noah's Ark printed on the side) resides in category #3 because they were 100% not in control and came into the falls sideways. I think even if dildo rock wasn't there, they would've been in very bad shape. Hence why I am speaking of Noah's Ark.
 
#22 ·
Just from watching the video it appears to be option number two to me. The guide over corrected and the boat over rotated as the rest of the crew paddled forward and that shot them too far River Right. I guess its in the eye of the beholder on whether that was due to a lack of knowledge or a miscalculation.

Considering that it appears to be a boat full of non-commercial people (nice helmets and type III PFD's), it could honestly be option #1 as well. As people have said, they could have all agreed to try for a meltdown and it backfired and pinned the raft.
 
#24 ·
I cut my teeth on the Upper G for 8 years as a raft guide and video kayaker. Sure there are plenty of people that hit dildo rock every year and no it's not just Noa's Ark. Noa's gets a bad rap because they come out year after year and continually demonstrate irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous behavior both on the river and off (ie: leaving trash on the rocks).

The line at Sweet's is a pretty narrow line with Energizer hole on the right and Dildo on the left. It's not a matter of if you will hit it, but when. I have friends who have been guiding on the Upper Gauley for 20 years and hit Dildo. They know where it is and they have all the experience in the world, but when you run it 4 days a week, multiple times per day for 20+ years eventually you're going to have an off day.

Let's not forget that this was the second raft that Noa's pinned on that same day. The other one was upstream in Tumble Home, the fourth drop in Lost Paddle Rapid. The pic is of the 2nd raft pinned. It eventually came out when the flows dropped and was found by another company downstream pinned again above Conestoga Wagon. The commercial outfitter was able to get it off the rock and tied to the shore to prevent it from becoming a dangerous addition in another rapid.
 

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#29 ·
My good buddy Peyton got some video of the other raft pinned in Tumble Home. He's only shared it on Facebook at this point so I took some screengrabs for now. This is a much better perspective of the raft being shoved underneath the rock. If he moves it to his YouTube channel I'll share the video link.

The last couple of photos are just a friendly reminder to place a firm stance when you throw your rope, or even better to have a friend back you as this Noa's Ark guide found out when he went to rescue his buddies and became a swimmer instead.
 

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#31 ·
In my experiance as a paddle guide for 9 years, it is rare that not paddling, and instead holding on, is the best thing to do. Especially going into any type of reversal. What keeps a paddler in the boat, is bracing in properly with his feet, and using his paddle. Your paddle is a third point of contact, just like your oar blades in an oar rig.
If you hit a reversal in an oar rig, and drop the oars and hold on, most likely your swimming, same is true for paddle boats.
Also, you really do need to be sitting all the way out on the tube as a paddler, this is necesary for affective paddling.
There are exceptions, such as running some water falls, case in point, tunnel in gore canyon, most boaters hold on for that drop.
 
#33 ·
This is troof. paddle til the last couple seconds, and only when you get to the lip of said drops, then the command to hold on... in my case guiding powerline falls on the lower box is a good example...

I wasnt going to say shit about this, not having been to the gauley yet, but having watched plenty of gauley carnage videos, (yeah P-love!) with and 17 years on the rio, i feel like i can opine on this fairly... and for most of us this is second nature.. but ....
IF you are going big... and everyone in the boat is in for the experience, the point is to go big and dunk your passengers/custies in a safe as possible manner, not leaving rubber behind, or leaving people pinned by rubber to a rock underwater. looks these clowns have no idea how close they might be to that.
i have seen it plenty of times just from the videos i have watched, it seems the locals have the flip and splat lines dialed, to eject their customers downstream. of course results vary...
but, point is there is a way to do things ..... and a way to NOT do them....
and these guys showed poor fucking judgement. they should be on the hook for the price of that boat.. I know i would have been if it were my companies boat. after it was paid up i would then be extra fired for being such a jackass representing a company like that...

Honestly on the real, (as a personal note) because the Rio Grande and the Rocky mountain rivers in general are shallow, rocky and usually cold we rarely ever boat to intentionally wreck people... except very specific spots on each river. (like for instance, souse hole, intentionally or not, has a 50-75% flip rate at high water...) not to mention it seems like 8 /10 customers want to stay in the boat if possible. of course theres always the seasonal rookie carnage and the random jaded loose cannon guide, but in general there is a different style of trips out west. wrong style of riverbed i guess.
that being said, there should still be much more careful screening of customers, especially for high water and class IV... cramming boats with mandatory six loads, fattys, geriatrics, and folks who are two weeks post quadruple bypass surgery or drunk bikers... has caused us all major put -in consternation.

If youre gonna be dumb, you better be tough, and if youre gonna run hero lines, try to make it look like you belong there on the edge of oblivion.
 
#32 ·
^^^^^^^ This Guy knows what the F%$# is going on in some serious whitewater. Not a bunch of Nancys lying in the bottom of the boat praying to the river gods to please get me out of here. Buy the way I dropped Sweets four times this weekend, once in a drift boat. It aint to hard to miss Dildo. The only time I every touched, in all my runs was when we were having a little competion to see who could get the closest. I lost but did get the award for having the biggest pair.
 
#37 ·
It blows my mind that those guides would show up with company boats and act like jackasses. Leaving trash behind too? I'm a little surprised the locals have put up with them year after year. What would Ark guides do if the situation was reversed?


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