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Old 06-01-2010   #21
ericnourse's Avatar
Greeley, Colorado
Paddling Since: 84
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 137
After reading some of these lines, I practiced on my wife so I would be ready for my trip. We got so busy!!! You guys can't even imagine!! I can't wait to brag to all my friends! E-

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Old 06-01-2010   #22
Spits Hot Fire
N. Cascades, Washington
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 978
Originally Posted by ericnourse View Post
After reading some of these lines, I practiced on my wife so I would be ready for my trip. We got so busy!!! You guys can't even imagine!! I can't wait to brag to all my friends! E-
Bluhhh. I dont even wanna imagine. Cant get the image of all that back-fat outta my head.

If none of these work ask her if she's ever had her ass licked by a fat man in an overcoat. Then there's the always classic Tracy Morgan line: HEY BABY, I wanna get you pregnant!

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Old 06-01-2010   #23
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by ericnourse View Post
I have a Grand Canyon Trip with several ladies coming. I would love to hook up with one of them or maybe two at a time, but I am not sure what to say. Usually I go on adventures with guys only. Anticipation overwhelms me as I think of the right things to say. Keep in mind that these girls are outdoorsman, not city girls. One just turned 21, one is mid 20's, and the other is fairly old (like 34).

What lines work best? I want sure fire lines. No cheezy ones please.
I don't get it. Is there a reason the same lines you use on the guys won't work?
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Old 06-01-2010   #24
montuckyhuck's Avatar
The Bitterroot, Montana
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 451
get your wife to come. Nothing gets a girl relaxed like another women licking their ass before you violate them.
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Old 06-01-2010   #25
TakemetotheRiver's Avatar
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 05
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,477
Skip the standard female raft guide jokes- we've all heard them.

This will get you at least as far as us on the ground- laughing:
Or say "I can't wait to get to Phantom Ranch so I can call my mom and tell her about you".
Unfortunately, it won't get our pants off.

While us self-hating female rafters notoriously have low standards when it comes to the opposite sex, we determine our self-worth by the quantity of alcohol we can drink long after you've passed out hugging the groover, so please- go that route...

We can't wait to see you get all fired up, shit-hammered, and drop these lines on us that would make Jessica Simpson laugh while we pillage your boat and rape your women- oh that's right- you left your wife at home: guess we'll have to use those handcuffs on each other....

See you Thursday, Sweetheart.
"There is NOTHING--absolute nothing--half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats. Look here! If you've really nothing else on hand this morning, supposing we drop down the river together, and have a long day of it?" -Wind in the Willows
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Old 06-01-2010   #26
prozoned's Avatar
the fort, Colorado
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 140
Hey you gotta invite your 20 year old buddy Heath, once i get in good with them i will hype you up with stories like when you saved me and that litter of kittens out of that burning building, after i build you up you can swoop in and ask them if they like to do hot yoga, tell them your favorite position is the kicking grasshopper followed closely by the sneezing unicorn, by this time it wont matter what your sayinng they'll be naked and ready for you!
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Old 06-04-2010   #27
bobbuilds's Avatar
x, x
Paddling Since: x
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,634
" You wana get a pizza and f#^k?, waz a mata you dont like pizza?" your best new yorker tone.
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Old 06-06-2010   #28
Denver, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1995
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,239
For married or engaged chicks ," is that ring pluggin' the hole?" seldom works
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Old 06-08-2010   #29
yakrafter's Avatar
Whitewater Boater, Boating Whitewater
Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 147
you guys hear that?'s the sound of ol' Eric not getting any.
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Old 06-14-2010   #30
Stiff N' Wett's Avatar
Evergreen, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2003
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 446
I would say just be your self, but that would be stupid because you might be a D-bag.

Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.
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