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Old 05-12-2008   #181
arkriverrat
 
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Profile:  Boulder, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1996
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 68
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays, but on Wednesdays and Fridays I kayak."
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Old 05-15-2008   #182
eljim

Profile:  Breckenridge/Canon City, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 34
How do u get a dog to stop humping ur leg?

Suck his dick.
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Old 05-19-2008   #183
caverdan

Profile:  Plant and Tree Nursery Owner
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by eljim View Post
How do u get a dog to stop humping ur leg?

Suck his dick.
That's dam near as bad as a dead baby joke.............but who am I to define humor.


Here's one to think about........

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?” “That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.” “For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
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Old 05-19-2008   #184
Randaddy
 
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Profile:  Capitol City, Wyoming
Paddling Since: 1980
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 367
What's the difference between a dead baby and a toaster?

You can't fuck a toaster!
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"Nudist rafting epitomizes the American experience."
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Old 05-19-2008   #185
caverdan

Profile:  Plant and Tree Nursery Owner
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 459
What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness
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Old 05-19-2008   #186
skibuminwyo
 
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Profile:  Cody, Wyoming
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 90
Good hell.

What do you do with a dead baby in a blender???

Drink it!


Oh yes, I have stooped to dead baby jokes.
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"What once was a river. Now a ghost." Edward Abbey
My Adventures
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Old 05-20-2008   #187
COUNT
 
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Profile:  Summit, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1996
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,818
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What's 350 degrees, covered in boils, and goes "tap,tap,tap"?

A baby in an oven.
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"The world would be a better place if everyone kayaked."-Brad Ludden (Valhalla)
"You only get one chance to run a drop blind."-DD
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Old 05-20-2008   #188
Randaddy
 
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Profile:  Capitol City, Wyoming
Paddling Since: 1980
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 367
What's the difference between a garbage bag full of dead babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage!
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"Nudist rafting epitomizes the American experience."
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Old 05-20-2008   #189
striker

Profile:  steamboat Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1995
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 20
Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babys?

You can only unload one with a pitch fork.
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Old 05-20-2008   #190
caverdan

Profile:  Plant and Tree Nursery Owner
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 459
What is funnier than a dead baby?


A dead baby in a clown costume.
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