Barber doing community service
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist is
pleased and leaves
the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank
you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Republican is very happy and
leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card
and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business'
and Becoming More Successful.'
Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Democrat is very happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking
accident, an Anchorage
man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry, Mr. Brown, but we have some information
about your wife,"
said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Mr. Brown shouted.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and
some really great
news. W hich do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Brown said, "Give me
the bad news
first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but
this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh, my God!" exclaimed Mr. Brown. Swallowing hard, he
asked, "What's
the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had
15
twenty-five-pound King crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness
crabs clinging
to her."
Stunned, Mr. Brown demanded, "If that's the good news,
what's the great
news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again
tomorrow.
or how about the two irish men that walked out of a bar...
it could happen.
or the three blondes who walked into a bar...
literally.
Funny things that clients say...
Two weeks ago I had a Northwestern Grad in my boat. We were floating the upper Platte and jumped several ducks that this guy didn't recognize. I would say merganzers or wigeons or pintails... whatever they were. We then jumped a flock of canadian geese and this grad asked me what kind of ducks those were. He was cereal (serious for those who don't watch SP). That probably topped my season of stupid questions. I told him they were mallards.
I'm not a homo-phobe nor am I making fun of gays. If this offends you then my apologies.
one day he walks in on his parents having sex. his dad winks at him. leaving the room shocked, he returns to his room. later that night dad comes to talk to him about it and says its all good.
the next day little johnys dad comes home to see how jonhy is. he hears something in his bedroom. he opens the door and little jonhy says
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After
all the background checks,
> interviews and testing were done there were 3
finalists - Two men and a
> woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took
one of the men to a large
> metal door and handed him a gun.
> "We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the
> circumstances. Inside the room you will find
your wife sifting in a
chair.
> Kill Her!!!" 'The man said, "You can't be
serious, I could never shoot my
> wife." The agent said 'Then you're not the
right man for this job. Take
your
> wife and go home."
> The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went
> into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with
> tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill
my wife." The agent said,
"You
> don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."
> Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given
the same instructions, to
> kill her husband. She took the gun and went
into the room. Shots were
heard,
> one after another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls.
> After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door
opened slowly and there
stood
> the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with
> blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the ! chair."
Three bird hunters were hunting in the field when they came across an old abandoned mine shaft 6 feet wide and straight down. It was pitch black inside, so they decided to throw a rock in and listen for it to hit bottom to determine the depth. The first hunter dropped a lime size rock in and they all stopped to listen. Nothing. The second hunter looks around and finds a football size rock and drops it in. They all stop and listen again. Nothing. They spread out looking for something bigger to throw in. The third hunter finds a railroad tie, drags it to the edge, and drops it in. They all stop to listen. Just then a goat comes running out of the bushes and jumps straight into the mine shaft. The hunters cant believe what they just saw. A moment later the ranch owner comes riding up on his horse and ask's "Has anyone seen my goat?". The first hunter say's "The weirdest thing just happened! A goat came hauling arse out of the bushes and jumped straight into that mine shaft!" The rancher said "That couldnt have been my goat. My goat was tethered to a railroad tie".
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Of course the rest is history......................
Hybrid Mode
