Bob and his wife live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through" Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through. Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out. Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on someones doorstep.
-Mat
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs getting dragged behind a boat?
- skip
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs in the middle of a swimming pool
-bob
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs hanging on a wall
-art
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
ONLY IN AMERICA :
Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Poor sheep... AKA- NM...where men are men &sheep are sca
Why do kayakers wear skirts?
Cuz sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
So a NM rancher and a Texan rancher were inspecting their shared fence lines, when they came upon a sheep with its head stuck in the barbwire.
The NM rancher gets down off his horse, walks up to the sheep, grabs it from behind and starts fucking the sheep.
when he's done, he zips back up, gets back on his horse and says to the other rancher- "your turn!"
So the texan rancher jumps off his horse,runs over and sticks his head into the barbwire fence....
Why is it so Windy in New Mexico?
Cuz Arizona sucks, and Texas Blows.....
Now for the Self depricating ones.... anyone ever been through Espanola???
How do you know Jesus wasn't born in Espanola?
Cause they couldn't find three wise men... or a virgin.
What does the teenager say to the guy f---n her in the back of his impala?
Eee dad, cut it out- you're crushing my smokes!
How do you tell the richest guy (in any New mexican Town)
He's got the most cars up on blocks in his front yard...
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