Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-20-2008   #191
Houston, Texas
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 30
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passengerlounge in Bozeman , Montana , while awaiting their respective flights

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is aCowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show & the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at MontanaStateUniversity from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the twoWesterners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazinetable and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.

The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock isflapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks,'At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few.'

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my peoplewere few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose thatis?'

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth andfrom the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . .

'That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I dobelieve it's a-comin'.'

kayakjack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2008   #192
Houston, Texas
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 30
A man goes to confession in the Catholic Church...

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month".

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been Two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood" the sinner replies.

"Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a
tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes
of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the
aisle and sit s down right in front of the Priest! Her dr ess is green and
very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar
boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with
her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

kayakjack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2008   #193
Houston, Texas
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 30
A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to go for hours and hours." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious. " The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!!"
kayakjack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2008   #194
caverdan's Avatar
C. Springs, Colorado
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,443

CNN reports that gas stations across the nation will start showing porn movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you do!
caverdan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2008   #195
Littleton, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1998
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 263
O'Reilly was sitting in a bar and he goes to the bar tender
"You see that church over there? I built it with my bare hands but do they call me O'Reilly the church builder? Nooo!
You see that school over there? I taught there for 30 years but do they call me O'Reilly the educator? Nooo!
But you fuck one goat...."
Jay H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2008   #196
Littleton, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1998
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 263
There are two big conferences in for Engineers and one for
Lawyers. They are both being held in the same building downtown. On the
first day of the conference, two groups run into each other at the
trainstation and chat while waiting in line to buy tickets into the city.

When they reach the counter, the three lawyers each buy tickets and
watch as the three Engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three
people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a lawyer. "Watch and
you'll see," answers an Engineer.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats, but
all three Engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind
them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting ticke ts. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it an d moves on. The lawyers saw
this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the Engineers on
thereturn trip and save some money (recognizing the Engineers' superior
intellect). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for
the return trip. To their astonishment, the Engineers don't buy a
ticketat all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one
perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an Engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and
thethree Engineers cram into another one nearby. The train depa rts.
Shortlyafterward, one of the Engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to
the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and
says, "Ticket, please."
Jay H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2008   #197
caverdan's Avatar
C. Springs, Colorado
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,443
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy,

"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs and huge boobs. She's wearing very tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
caverdan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2008   #198
Matty's Avatar
Silverthorne, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1996
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 213
A travelling salesman is driving across country on a dark and stormy night. Of course his car breaks down, of course there is a farm house in the distance, of course he walks up and knocks, of course the old farmer answers. The salesman explains his situation and asks to use the phone. Of course the farmer has no phone. The farmer offers him the only spot he has for him to sleep. He offers him to share the bed with his 16 year old blonde haired, blue eyed son. The salesman looks around and says ". . . . Hey, am I in the right joke?"
Matty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008   #199
caverdan's Avatar
C. Springs, Colorado
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,443
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro , bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied 'Si, seņor, sometimes the bull wins.'
caverdan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008   #200
eljim's Avatar
Overseas, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 135
1st joke was already pulled.

Aaaand we're repeating our selves....ur single cause ur ugly joke page 1ish and there's more.

How do you get ten raft guides into a closet?

Tell them they can live there.

How do you get them out?

Charge them rent!

eljim is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Topic Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Expendability Joke confused Whitewater Kayaking 13 10-04-2007 01:54 PM
A good joke teamamericawp The Eddy 0 10-17-2006 11:05 PM
What the...?! Is this some sort of JOKE? matts Whitewater Kayaking 18 09-30-2006 08:55 PM

» Classified Ads
10' Cataract Oars

posted by rockinRio

10' Cataract Oars, rope wrapped, and two counter balances....

Jackson Karma Small...

posted by Rendezvous River Sports


New Zeland Kayaking guide...

posted by go-with-the-Flo

NZ Whitewater edition 5 electric/plug converter Lonely...

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities

Copyright 2002-2012 Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:39 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.