Lets here them, good or bad. I'll start um off with this one.
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and she say's hello. Hes rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think youre the father of one of my kids."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "my god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?
She said, "No, Im your sons math teacher."
Edit to add one more to your day 
;
Flat Belly
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his
dad
bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried
about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over, gets on her knees, and blows it right back up."
Threaded Mode
