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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However they had gotten over enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stepped into the cemetary. One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the womens husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed-- hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girls nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst..My wife came home with no panties!!"
"Thats nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said....."From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget You."
On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen
Elizabeth. He asked her, 'How does one manage to run a country so well
and so effortlessly?
'That's easy,' she replied, 'You surround yourself with intelligent
ministers and advisors.'
'But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?' he inquired.
'You ask them a riddle,' she replied, and with that she pressed a button
and said, 'Would you please send Tony Blair in.'
When Blair arrived, the Queen said, 'I have a riddle for you to answer for
me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not
your brother. Who was this child ?'
Blair replied, 'That's easy. The child was me.'
'Very good,' said the Queen, 'You may go, now.'
So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of
staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, 'I have a riddle for you, and the
answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your
sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?'
Rove replied, 'Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the
answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a
while?' 'Yes,' said Bush, 'I'll give you four hours to come up with the
answer.' So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and
asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions,
none of them had a satisfactory answer.
So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of
State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, 'Mr. Secretary, can you
answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your
sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?'
That's easy,' said Powell, 'The child was me.'
'Oh thank you,' said Rove, 'You may just have saved me my job!'
So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, 'I think I
know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!'
'No, you idiot!' shouted Bush, 'The child was Tony Blair!'
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims "So, you are the great Lone Ranger.
In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request? "The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you i two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blond. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request."
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone. "The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen carefully, for the last time, I said "BRING POSSE."
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself
out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked
the
owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How
much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about
$50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would
need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation,
said
to
her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around
the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those
'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the my wife came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," she replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it " two
coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed
it to her.
"And by the way," she added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
THE LOVE DRESS........
A mother stopped by unannounced at her son, Justin's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work" The daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing,... " he said, "What's for dinner?".
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