You know what else? Those cops confiscated my Rush Limbaugh crack pipe. Then the shoved me on the hood of my car, and it put a stain on my Duke Lacrosse Team Jersey. The whole time I'm telling them I'm the Person of the Year. After they cuffed me, they stuck me in the back of the squad car and tuned the radio to NPR. All the way to the station, I had to listen to Terry Gross interview a woman who sells vegetarian Christmas dinners and donates the proceeds to Katrina victims. This is no way to treat The Person of the Year.
At the police station, they made me strip. All the other inmates were laughing at my Newt Gingrich underoos. When they were done with me, they threw me into a cell with a bunch of liberals. Later that night all my years of chastity were stolen from me by a man wanting a "Lewinski." Then I got a "Foley." Then he said that if I told the guards about what happened, he would come to my house and "Cheney" me.
Been snow bound a while, eh? 
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