Don't often write but saw some behavoir on the Ark this weekend that stuck in this boaters craw.In a nutshell if you see a swimmer in the water and you are hearing whistles and you are too busy surfing or have copped a mood because the beginners are slowing you down GET OUT OF THE SPORT because I am not God and I rescue ALL swimmers.UNCONDITIONALLY!Shame on you if you believe its not your problem because its not your trip,or they should not be there because you think the experience they dont have is why they are in the water,or you saw them drinking beer,smoking pot,or they took your parking spot at the takeout.The river never cares and it is a equal opportunity drowing machine.It may be your snob ass next time!I once rescued a wrapped commercial raft on a pool toy because all other trips felt it wasn"t their problem and passed by.
So, what the hell happened that got your undies all in a bunch? Maybe with more information everyone would be a bit more compassionate...
well you see i was sititng smoking my waterpipe on frog rock and all the sudden i forgot where i was, jumped into the river and pulled a turkey leg out of my chutter. somewhere in the middle of the confusion my whistle wasn't working when i blew on it so i tied the whistle on to the end of the throw bag and with the might of a lobster i chucked it into the trees where the pigmy apes recesued me, thank goodness that none of you potsmoking hippified river rats where around to see my birthday suit. ahh well still got my water pipe didn't let that go. but somebody needs to give up some turkey legs im still missing mine. damnit grif. you stole my turkey legs and didn't even toss me a beer when i was drowning. shame on you im calling the porkers on you.
my girlfriend swimfan swimgirl i forgot her name told me that she still hates going to the swim pool withyou after you wouldn't help her get to the side last time. real nuts, grif, real nuts, man. can't even help pull her out of the water and dry her off with a towel. same goes for me. why wasn't anybody standing their with my towel. who doesn't help bring a towel for me of all people? serious? where's my fucking towel.
I'd be very impressed to see a swimmer drinking beer. I'd gladly rescue them in hopes that more beers may be available for the sharing.
As for the swimming and smoking pot, I presume this involves a "water pipe?" Seems like it would be difficult to keep the pot smoking while swimming?
This is freakin hilarious!!!! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!! Thank you Mr. Beaver for the grammar police. And I'm glad I now fully understand what a "water pipe" is good for.
Don't worry though I'll rescue you if you need. We could all use the good karma.
Well.I uh forget cuz I am sooo high after smokin some Fibark turkey in my beer filled waterpipe.Had to get faced after backing over my Dogma with my Karma. Beside the fact Mom just called,she is at Rincon and is not happy about the swim.
As the lines goes "Don't ask me how I know I don't want to talk about it."
So you have a throwbag,but can you hit a swimmer with it?
Hows is your first aid kit and your skills at first aid?
If somebody says Z-drag are you looking for a Nissan sports car?
Speaking of the shuttle where are the keys if the driver can't tell you or isn't around?
Extra gear?I know its hard to fit in that new playboat"surfin shower slipper III" but a warm coat can make a big difference.
Extra oar,paddle,break down paddle for kayakers?Hand rolls and paddling are great if in your bag of tricks but in big water gets old fast.
Yes I know some of you are a rock,never swim,or miss a line but if you really want to impress the Bettys,rescue em,don't be throwing loops as they swim past you cause they fell off that f....ng tourist boa t.
Leave the politics for the sandbar,and help anybody out on the river that looks like they need it no matter what you might think of them on shore.
Think!What if?Not "What now?"Know and have plan "b" in case "a" is a bust.
And last fly with a wingman no man can be a island agianst any river I know.
A dead boater is the worst trip you"ll ever take,the last trip if its you.
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