Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Apr 2006
You know who you are...
Yes, the time has come again for operation Big Balls (OBB). Members you know who you are. It's time to dig deep, wax your moles, pack your boats bitch slap the weak and descend. Funds have been secured. I repeat the funds have been secured. The Jew has been able to secure a major hook up via his old school bank connections along with the help of aka Stalker and her underhanded republican cowboy boss. The promises of fresh female front range flesh sealed the deal, we drop payment before getting on the plane.
Slee, Dr. Robinson, The Jew, Simo Says, BoBo, Slick and The Little Prince... you in or not? This mission is not for play boatin, puking, boat baitin, whining, excuse making, muffins! This is where the big kids shit in the pond. Paranoid drama queens, Texans and man gerbils need not apply.
We have two confimed shuttle dicks and one shuttle bunny. We will need to run shuttle in the three leap configuration (TLC), one car batoning off to the next in order to maintain complete secrecy. Car number one will create a small diversion (grease bombs but no masks or guns) once we're underway in car number two, meanwhile car number three will run evacuation for the driver greasebomb setter from car number one. Car number one will be sacrificed to the greater good of the mission (we still need a sacrificial car if anyone has one, you will be repaid with our signatures on a cracked boat at the end of the mission, not a tiny honor). Driver one, car number two and driver two, along with our posse will rendezvous with driver three for the final leg of the journey. We could not trust mules or horses to keep a low profile and so we're relying on select members of "Nur-Poo" to act as our donkeys. We refer to each of them in code names as follows: Bro1, Brah2, Bro2, Brah1 and Snake. They are sic. If we get stopped by local law enforcement you know the drill... if you can't kick em in the dick and run, your name is Gordon Banks.
TLP aka The Little Prince is in charge of food... if you don't like f'n pixie stix freeze dried lucky charms and skittles, be prepared to haul your own food. There will also be the usual milk and balls of Wonder bread. The Jew and Dr. Robinson are working on securing back up lobsters. Slee's in charge of tampons, coordinating raft support and porn. The Jew will be our money keeper, launderer and prudent spender (shuttle dicks will probably not be tipped, the shuttle bunny is hot, so maybe) duh, as well as back up muscle.. don't fuk with the puffed up cobra yo. Dr. Robinson will be in charge of air evac and medical concerns, not if, but when needed, as well as monitoring Simo Says, our token handicap of the trip (he'll ride the raft). Slick will be our token minority (as long as Albinos count)
BoBo's in charge of producing the movie. We already have offers for the rights to this sic ass tale. Sic. We're thinking of ending it with a scene where we all take turns pinching each others tits as hard as we can and see who can take it. We think this will convey a sense of strength and determination.
Obviously no Daggers... leave those to the kids and other hollywood, fan club having, wanna be boater types. Everyone will be paddling custom, reformed, repoured and reinvented, but not too much, Screams or Stubby's. If you want the color to match your suit contact Lil Earl, you know his number.
Once I hear from each of you, please be forewarned, secret code in full effect, you will be given instructions on where to pick up your logoed gear. We're being partially sponsored by Rednecks for Paddlers (RFP) and most of our gear will sport a custom logo airbrushed by the famous wolf plate painter Chuck Cockenhoff, reading, "Colorado Playboaters, smoke a pack a day" (if you want cross matched sweatbands or wrist guards let me know asap, the tiny decals take more time to make)
Rally hard all you takers of OBB, make RFP proud and don't forget your chainsaws... they won't be for use on the river, but then you already know that if you're on the A-list. Sorry I had to mix this in with all the bench warmers, b-teamers and fat people, but I needed a one stop shot to contact The CREW. I doubt the unworthy will know what I'm talking about anyway.