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Old 07-09-2007   #1
Jackson, Wyoming
Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 41
You know who you are...

Yes, the time has come again for operation Big Balls (OBB). Members you know who you are. It's time to dig deep, wax your moles, pack your boats bitch slap the weak and descend. Funds have been secured. I repeat the funds have been secured. The Jew has been able to secure a major hook up via his old school bank connections along with the help of aka Stalker and her underhanded republican cowboy boss. The promises of fresh female front range flesh sealed the deal, we drop payment before getting on the plane.

Slee, Dr. Robinson, The Jew, Simo Says, BoBo, Slick and The Little Prince... you in or not? This mission is not for play boatin, puking, boat baitin, whining, excuse making, muffins! This is where the big kids shit in the pond. Paranoid drama queens, Texans and man gerbils need not apply.

We have two confimed shuttle dicks and one shuttle bunny. We will need to run shuttle in the three leap configuration (TLC), one car batoning off to the next in order to maintain complete secrecy. Car number one will create a small diversion (grease bombs but no masks or guns) once we're underway in car number two, meanwhile car number three will run evacuation for the driver greasebomb setter from car number one. Car number one will be sacrificed to the greater good of the mission (we still need a sacrificial car if anyone has one, you will be repaid with our signatures on a cracked boat at the end of the mission, not a tiny honor). Driver one, car number two and driver two, along with our posse will rendezvous with driver three for the final leg of the journey. We could not trust mules or horses to keep a low profile and so we're relying on select members of "Nur-Poo" to act as our donkeys. We refer to each of them in code names as follows: Bro1, Brah2, Bro2, Brah1 and Snake. They are sic. If we get stopped by local law enforcement you know the drill... if you can't kick em in the dick and run, your name is Gordon Banks.

TLP aka The Little Prince is in charge of food... if you don't like f'n pixie stix freeze dried lucky charms and skittles, be prepared to haul your own food. There will also be the usual milk and balls of Wonder bread. The Jew and Dr. Robinson are working on securing back up lobsters. Slee's in charge of tampons, coordinating raft support and porn. The Jew will be our money keeper, launderer and prudent spender (shuttle dicks will probably not be tipped, the shuttle bunny is hot, so maybe) duh, as well as back up muscle.. don't fuk with the puffed up cobra yo. Dr. Robinson will be in charge of air evac and medical concerns, not if, but when needed, as well as monitoring Simo Says, our token handicap of the trip (he'll ride the raft). Slick will be our token minority (as long as Albinos count)

BoBo's in charge of producing the movie. We already have offers for the rights to this sic ass tale. Sic. We're thinking of ending it with a scene where we all take turns pinching each others tits as hard as we can and see who can take it. We think this will convey a sense of strength and determination.

Obviously no Daggers... leave those to the kids and other hollywood, fan club having, wanna be boater types. Everyone will be paddling custom, reformed, repoured and reinvented, but not too much, Screams or Stubby's. If you want the color to match your suit contact Lil Earl, you know his number.

Once I hear from each of you, please be forewarned, secret code in full effect, you will be given instructions on where to pick up your logoed gear. We're being partially sponsored by Rednecks for Paddlers (RFP) and most of our gear will sport a custom logo airbrushed by the famous wolf plate painter Chuck Cockenhoff, reading, "Colorado Playboaters, smoke a pack a day" (if you want cross matched sweatbands or wrist guards let me know asap, the tiny decals take more time to make)

Rally hard all you takers of OBB, make RFP proud and don't forget your chainsaws... they won't be for use on the river, but then you already know that if you're on the A-list. Sorry I had to mix this in with all the bench warmers, b-teamers and fat people, but I needed a one stop shot to contact The CREW. I doubt the unworthy will know what I'm talking about anyway.

WisegirlII is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2007   #2
on your sister, ...
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 137
that's alot of typing just to go hit boulder's playpark now that it's dropped to a level you guys can handle.


tuberslickmysweatyballs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2007   #3
Avon, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 471
When did William Burroughs start paddling?
ENDOMADNESS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2007   #4
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 30
Your crew must be some serious hacks if you are so worked up about a run that you can have raft support on.
RealityCheck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2007   #5
DurangoSteve's Avatar
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2001
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,907
Fear & Loathing in Kayaks?

Avoid the brown acid. It's a bummer, man.
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Old 07-10-2007   #6
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 76

looks like somebody hit the bottle early this morning...she's a man baby!
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Old 07-10-2007   #7
bkp's Avatar
Photographer, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 229
Was that English?
"You gotta fight for your right to paddle!"
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Old 07-11-2007   #8
Compton, California
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1
Wisegirl, I hope my response doesn't come too late. I lost myself in Ketamine and the club scene of the Brazilian coast and lost touch with my need for cold water, smooth granite, and hard wood. Needless to say my tits are ripe for pinching.

The shuttle sounds sic, just a few details to work out. The nur-po are notorius for botched shuttle misssions, not to mention getting eddied out in the antifungal section at wally world. I suggest that instead we use the expertise of some summit county lackeys. They can drive like assholes and the beta on class 4 creeking and the mud season trip to Zihuatenejo will be critical.

Alright Prince-if I'm in I know you are. Keep the sugar free pixie sticks at home, if you're going to be negotiating something other than your ass hairs you're gonna need the carbs. As for the Jew-I'm sure you have a Quickbooks seminar this weekend, but the shit is ripe.

My only objection to this mish is the absence of Wayne Chorter. Chorter's exile from the Chunderposse was warranted, and his knack for capturing a photo of himself is unequaled in the modern era. However, his ability to swindle honest folk and recite Bananarama lyrics in the boogie water will make him a valuable addition. Chorter, consider this an invite.

OBB-let's do it. All you bitches on the Buzz, don't worry, Gore season is right around the corner-time to start shining up the Thule box.

The doctor

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