Have you ever gotten drunk one night, brought the ugliest girl in the bar home only to wake up the next morning with a headache and your limp dick laying on your stomach??? Yeah, that's right gentleman, you know the night I am talking about...
You walked into the bar and she seemed a little heavy. Even in the low-lighting you could tell immediatley that she was the only one of her friends that wanted to smoke your poll. At first, the subtle rolls of fat you could see squeezing their way out from under her belt line was enough to make you squirm, but in a very strange, putrid and curious way, you were somewhat drawn to her...
You and your friends sit around talking about all the good putananey there is for the taking, but you know, those girls are the hard to get... they're the ones all the other men in the bar have been eyeing like a new power drill in the Walmart check-out aisle and you don't want all that competition.
You've been down on your luck lately... maybe you haven't been laid in a good 5 or 6 months... maybe you haven't even felt a tittie in three, and it's getting to the point where you would fuck anything that had a pulse... or maybe even those without one.
After a few drinks and a shot or two at the bar, your jonesin for just a little nooky nooky. You think to yourself, "It can't be that bad. Every guy has his horror story about hookin up with that fat chick. It won't be that bad, and besides, my dick is so dry I would need a can of geritol to even get it out my zipper."
So, you set your sights on her and you head on over.
"Hi" she says back, quickly looking back down at her drink.
"I was just watching you from across the bar and thought I would come over and catch your name."
From there you continue to get a burn on until you are heading home with the whale of a woman who is ready to swallow you into her many rolls as she screams at you...
"Yeah fat boy, you like my rolls? You like getting lost in mamas love cracks?"
At the time you think, "it's been so long and this is better than nothing," but then... then you wake up the next morning and you see your limp dick on your stomach and you can't tell whether she is facing you in bed or not because her rolls have flattened out across the matress in a way that she looks more like Slimmer or the Blob then the whale you took home the night before.
We have all been there boys. Some of you actually hit that fat chick up at the bar... some of us have just kayaked the Platte through the Metro Area. It's all pretty much the same thing...
Anyone who tells you Union or Confluence is "good" boating or even worth the spit that dried up in one of fatty's rolls during your hot night, is nothing more than a boater stuck in Denver.
If you're jonesin that bad to be in the boat, just get yo ass into the hills or to the bar. Cause hookin' up with the fat chick will be a better use of your time than boating the South Platte.
Just ask Rasdoggy or cecil or the rest of the chumps who told you to go... they probably hit up the fatty's every weekend (or are married to one.)
It's the Chronic-(what)-cles of Narnia gentleman and I am going to blaze one up for all you fos out there who are going hook up with the fat chick at the bar or boat the South Platte this year...
I hope you're all on board cause this bus is ready to roll.