Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-29-2006   #11
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 480
I spoke with my lady about this issue and she has agreed not to fling any more tampons out the window when crossing the Platte.

Like it or not, all of us are the result of a sexual act.
Geezer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #12
ACC's Avatar
dropzone, Colorado
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 845
Originally Posted by Carl Spackler's no big deal

ACC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #13
sundown's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by rasdoggy
"What do you want to do? Live forever!"

Funny Sh! pun intended
sundown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #14
smoke emif ugotem's Avatar
He's a part-time Disco champion and a full-time Woman Lover, Colorado
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 37
Have you ever gotten drunk one night, brought the ugliest girl in the bar home only to wake up the next morning with a headache and your limp dick laying on your stomach??? Yeah, that's right gentleman, you know the night I am talking about...

You walked into the bar and she seemed a little heavy. Even in the low-lighting you could tell immediatley that she was the only one of her friends that wanted to smoke your poll. At first, the subtle rolls of fat you could see squeezing their way out from under her belt line was enough to make you squirm, but in a very strange, putrid and curious way, you were somewhat drawn to her...

You and your friends sit around talking about all the good putananey there is for the taking, but you know, those girls are the hard to get... they're the ones all the other men in the bar have been eyeing like a new power drill in the Walmart check-out aisle and you don't want all that competition.

You've been down on your luck lately... maybe you haven't been laid in a good 5 or 6 months... maybe you haven't even felt a tittie in three, and it's getting to the point where you would fuck anything that had a pulse... or maybe even those without one.

After a few drinks and a shot or two at the bar, your jonesin for just a little nooky nooky. You think to yourself, "It can't be that bad. Every guy has his horror story about hookin up with that fat chick. It won't be that bad, and besides, my dick is so dry I would need a can of geritol to even get it out my zipper."

So, you set your sights on her and you head on over.


"Hi" she says back, quickly looking back down at her drink.

"I was just watching you from across the bar and thought I would come over and catch your name."

From there you continue to get a burn on until you are heading home with the whale of a woman who is ready to swallow you into her many rolls as she screams at you...

"Yeah fat boy, you like my rolls? You like getting lost in mamas love cracks?"

At the time you think, "it's been so long and this is better than nothing," but then... then you wake up the next morning and you see your limp dick on your stomach and you can't tell whether she is facing you in bed or not because her rolls have flattened out across the matress in a way that she looks more like Slimmer or the Blob then the whale you took home the night before.

We have all been there boys. Some of you actually hit that fat chick up at the bar... some of us have just kayaked the Platte through the Metro Area. It's all pretty much the same thing...

Anyone who tells you Union or Confluence is "good" boating or even worth the spit that dried up in one of fatty's rolls during your hot night, is nothing more than a boater stuck in Denver.

If you're jonesin that bad to be in the boat, just get yo ass into the hills or to the bar. Cause hookin' up with the fat chick will be a better use of your time than boating the South Platte.

Just ask Rasdoggy or cecil or the rest of the chumps who told you to go... they probably hit up the fatty's every weekend (or are married to one.)

It's the Chronic-(what)-cles of Narnia gentleman and I am going to blaze one up for all you fos out there who are going hook up with the fat chick at the bar or boat the South Platte this year...

Peace out!!!!!!
I hope you're all on board cause this bus is ready to roll.
smoke emif ugotem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #15
Fuzzy's Avatar
Knife Fork of the Spoon Paddling Since: 1984
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 365
don't swim
Fuzzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #16
Lakewood, Colorado
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 82
wow. Maybe I will go find a fat chick instead, and next time I won't ask for advice.

Ignorance is bliss?
woodboat75 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2006   #17
IkayakNboard's Avatar
, Colorado
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 169
Golden WW park would be a much better option right now. Doesn't smell like a retirement community, and has 5 times the flow (50cfs vs 10). I was there a few weeks ago, had the place to myself, and although it wasn't great, it was wet.

IkayakNboard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2006   #18
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 335
Most of the good rivers in Latin America are actually pretty clean in remote pristine areas with many sping fed beautiful turquoise runs, I have even drank from travertine springs something I havn
t done here for the last 20 years. Anything thru or below a city would be nasty though.
What in the hell do fat chicks have to do with Union?

cayo is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Topic Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Union chutes water quality spthomson Whitewater Kayaking 26 05-02-2007 09:18 AM
Union chutes GCass Whitewater Kayaking 1 06-20-2006 12:04 PM
Union Chutes Flows DanOrion Whitewater Kayaking 0 08-24-2004 06:31 PM
What levels are good for Union Chutes? allgood Whitewater Kayaking 2 06-09-2004 02:51 AM
What is the optimum level for union Chutes? kentboater Whitewater Kayaking 0 02-28-2004 07:14 PM

» Classified Ads
Wavesport XG 48

posted by rendock

Wavesport ZG 48 kayak, fun all around boat, hardly used...

Pyranha Burn 3 XL

posted by Rendezvous River Sports


Immersion Research...

posted by jasons

2014 IR supermodel drysuit. I'm 5'10", 150lbs and figure...

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities

Copyright 2002-2012 Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:53 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.