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Old 07-11-2005   #1
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 116
unfortunate tresspass incident

This happened earlier today...

I live on an alley-way. It is usually very quiet and I like to sit on my property and take in the view of my neighbor's beautifully trimmed yard. All of a sudden a van.... yes, a van drives off the main road and on to my stretch of alley. I was horrified! (this usually never happens).

I shook my fist, but they seemed not to notice as their windows were rolled up and were probably listening to that new wave music or high on pot or something.

Next thing I know, someone is walking up the alley in the opposite direction and to avoid the van actually stepped on to my property. All of a sudden it is my fault you were confronted by an un-for-seen obstical??

The pedestrian obviously must not have seen the fist shaking either because he/she was on my property for what seemed like an in-ordinate amount of time and stepped off my property to continue up the alley-way.

It is happening everywhere. All the time. Should I put up a bunch of signs or just call the cops?

thanks for your support,

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Old 07-12-2005   #2
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You should've probably just shot her.

You may need to post some sort of "warning" sign... just check with your local, friendly law enforcement officers first, they'd be happy to give you the low down.

But, yeah, definately, shoot first, think later.

Maybe Team America style?

And just for good measure have some dead animals or their parts littering your front lawn... that might keep people off as well. Poaching is key.
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Old 07-12-2005   #3
mvhyde's Avatar
Technology Partner, Littleton, Colorado
Join Date: Feb 2004
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In Medieval times.....

I think you could offer them the option of being drawn and quartered, or perhaps indefinite servitude (especially handy if the trespasser is female, then you get a concubine).

Trespassing is a serious crime, have you thought about calling the Detartment of Homeland Scrutiny? I am absolutely sure that Agent J. Joe Lowe would apply pressure on this vile and revolting slimebag. Did they have a mullet? You know how those mullets are, you blink and they're mating with your sister and all of the sudden you have a whole freaking family of mullets like I saw at Wally-Mart last month. That is a truly frightening experience (they all had Slayer and White Lion t-shirts on, pushing 3 carts full of generic potato chips and Little Debbie's cakes. Is Little Debbie really all that little after eating all those little cakes?).

Perhaps Wisegirl is truly wise and you should just shoot them. But you may need a permit. Contact your local Colorado Wildlife Office.
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Old 07-12-2005   #4
Tiggy's Avatar
Steamboat Springs, CO
Paddling Since: 1995
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see if they have ane good weed first then shoot em...lmao :P
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Old 07-12-2005   #5
Highlands Ranch, CO Paddling Since: 1993
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 482
I'm pretty sure you don't need a permit to shoot them..

I think it is covered under this state law "The Make My Day Law"

But if it is a female that whole concubine idea doesn't sound too bad.
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Old 07-12-2005   #6
Lafayette, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1983
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Posts: 32
The perimeter of your property should be enclosed in razor wire.
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Old 07-12-2005   #7
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 80
You should create unforeseen obsticles with a threat equal to or greater than those likely to be encountered in the alley. For instance, take the van rolling down the alley. If you, say, had a few strands of razor wire at the edge of your land, then she might have thought twice about portageing the van.

If your alley is plagued with other obsticles such as speeding cars, gang members swinging bats, or even a melodic yet violent encounter between the Sharks and Jets, then you might consider upping the ante by installing a few of my personal favorite -- the Pricess Di Charitable Land Mine. These suckers are guaranteed to mame without killing (thus saving you money and time in court.)

Be creative! The playing child be be stopped by sprinkling shards of glass on the curb. Loitering teenagers may be confined to alleyway by a number of fans creating a wind sufficient to keep them from sparkin' a bowl on you front lawn. Pedestrians will certainly contemplate facing a speeding truck head on if they know setting foot onto YOUR land may result in appendage removal.

Let us know how it works out.
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Old 07-12-2005   #8
Andy H.'s Avatar
Wheat Ridge, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1995
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,910
What you really need to do is to make the property line difficult to determine, make your property appear as a very inviting place to loiter, perhaps even install something that will attract folks to loiter there. Then when someone steps onto your property, come down and yell at them, threaten to have them arrested or, better yet, just quietly call the sheriff to bust them if you haven't had a chance to kick your dog that particular morning. Whatever you do, DON'T post a sign saying something like "Private Property, no trespassing" - that will only encourage folks to keep moving along and prevent you from enjoying the activities listed above. This seems to give a landowner at a good eddy and wave on the Fractions great pleasure so its worth a try.

Nothing in the world is more yielding and gentle than water. Yet it has no equal for conquering the resistant and tough. The flexible can overcome the unbending; the soft can overcome the hard. - Lao Tse
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Old 07-12-2005   #9
skeeter's Avatar
Louisville, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1990
Join Date: Mar 2005
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I was once in a similar situiation, except I also owned the land on the other side of the alley (big back yard). I threw up a barbed wire drag-net across the river.

That sure did the trick.
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Old 07-12-2005   #10
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Thought-criminal, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
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Posts: 989
Hounds. Mean ones. And starve them. They can languish in cages (prodded with sticks at your leisure) until a proximity sensor is tripped at the edge of your property.'s off to the races. You'll likely never see them again -- which is good..their bellies will be full of evidence -- but they're cheap at the pound.

I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot. -Jack Handy
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