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Old 04-27-2011   #1
montuckyhuck's Avatar
The Bitterroot, Montana
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 451
To the Ark guide who stole my heart

I tried calling the number you gave me but it was out of service so I figured you must be late on your phone bill. I also posted to missed conections on craigs list but figured you might see this first. From the moment I saw your tanned hairy legs I knew you were the women of my dreams. From your Chacos all the way up to your uni-dread tied around the sun bleached hair bun I truely love every inch of you. I don't usually find tattoos atractive but found the tribal desighn on your lower back to be very tastefull and apealing. I can't belive you got us through the grade five Zoom Flume! That thing is HUGE!!! I guess it is your second year though so you must really know your stuff. I totally understand that you and Haviere from Noahs are just really good friends. I'm not the jelouse type. When I kissed you the taste was intoxicating. What super market did you get your lunch from? I asked about the "fumunda" butter at king soopers but they said they hadn't heard of it. Where did you say Haviere got that? I have been thinking about getting into river running for myself and was looking at one of those Remix XP's. Is this a good boat? Anyway, that was a magical afternoon and I hope to hear from you soon! Hope you can get that skunk smell out of your life jacket soon. What are the chances of a skunk getting to your life jacket while you and Marko were in the bushes talking about the next rapid? Crazy!
Love always,

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Old 04-27-2011   #2
over the horizon
BmfnL's Avatar
Carbondale, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2003
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 267
Hoo boy. The gauntlet has been thrown down...

And dude, don't ever smell her jacket. If you're gonna drink the milk anyway, don't smell the bottle.

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Old 04-27-2011   #3
islandertek's Avatar
Rocky Mountain Hooliganz, Rocky Mountain High
Paddling Since: 2007
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 364
FUNNY!!!! I love least most have a good sense of humor on here!! Ha Haaaaa!! Almost as good as......
"I think what RiverTrollish is really trying to say is that he is upset he can't score with the female ark yeti guides. I know the feeling! You're paddling down browns, beautiful sunny day, hundreds of prepubescent teens cheering as you throw your first cartwheel. Then as you hit your roll on the fourth try, you see some seriously majestic armpit hair; braided.

Shes fucking beautiful! A hint of a mustache shadow her upper lip. Her scent is strong enough to attract hobos from three miles away. A chin beard trickles down into her cleavage, increasing in thickness as it travels south. Shes strong as a mule, and probably not into guys, but hot damn!

So the next time you guys feel like arguing with rivertrollish, at least know where hes coming from. Hes just simply a heartbroken fellow who doesn't have a Sasquatch of a female river guide to hold him in her arms when hes feeling blue." quoted from -"Smauk2"
Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today - James Dean
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Old 04-27-2011   #4
kclowe's Avatar
Aurora, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 453
Wow! We must really need water, and soon!
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Old 04-27-2011   #5
dillon, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 281
Freaking hilarious...
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Old 04-28-2011   #6
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,302
Awesome. So Ark valley.
Kyle McCutchen
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Old 04-28-2011   #7
rg5hole's Avatar
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 06
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 450
yes, the remix XP is the SHIT!
I've never boated before, but I have posted a lot on Mountain Buzz!
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Old 04-28-2011   #8
Fallingup's Avatar
Summit County, and Idaho
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 261
I also had a love affair with an Arkansas guide…. He smelled like pbr and BO (just thinking about that smell gives me the shivers). He was strong and powerful, the way he rowed that Saturn raft down browns with beer in had just made me melt.
He wore a white t shirt under his wal-mart pfd and you could catch a glimpse of his lucky strike smokes rolled up in his sleeve when he pushed his oar blade through the water. We were approaching zume flume one hot day and he was working the oars real good like… The camera woman on the bank was getting all worked up just watching him. I got a bit jealous to say the least, so I jumped right on his lap while he rowed that bad boy right on down through. That camera woman was working her shutter just has hard as she could.
That ark boy bout took my life that day as I nearly died of heartbreak when we got to the take out. You see, it was just never meant to be cuz he was really in love with a guide from the Taylor who looked just as hot in tight wrangler jeans and a cowboy hat. Damn! You never really know with those boys!
Please god… send me some water so I can get off Mountain Buzz and get me another Ark Guide!
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Old 04-28-2011   #9
montuckyhuck's Avatar
The Bitterroot, Montana
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 451
Disclaimer: I have never even been to the ark vally, just thought it was getting a ton of hate.
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Old 04-28-2011   #10
Gunnison, Colorado
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 73
Whoa, whoa, whoa, leave Taylor guides out of this....wait..actually, it sounds a little bit like Grif. Did he happen to have turkey legs and schlitz in his hands?

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