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Old 06-06-2006   #1
Denver, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
The annual Golden antics / darwin contest is on.

Paddled lower clear creek into Golden on sunday, and the darwin lottery is in full swing. Saw two guys in jeans, shirt and tennis shoes jump in above the bleacher hole. Stood up in waist deep water, swam head first through the drop. Stuggled to get out, standing in waist deep current. Shit eating clueless grins all around. The array of PFD'less folks makes me wonder when someones gonna die on clear creek. I wanted to say something to them, but they were speaking spanish and I thought foot entrapment would be a hard concept to get across. Oh well. I hope no one gets hurt.

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Old 06-06-2006   #2
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 44
Fun for all

Okay, let's do the checklist:

cotton dungarees - check; cotton tee shirt - check; no crampy stupid life jackets - check; no dorkomatic helmet- check; bare feet-check; three or four beers on a hot day to get my courage up and judgment down-check; lots of friends to watch me drown-check; one really hot slow-witted babe with low self-esteem who may think this moronic stunt is cool enough to let me feel her up later at the kegger-check. Ready boyz, watch this!!!!

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not a spoon.
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Old 06-06-2006   #3
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 480
Like it or not, all of us are the result of a sexual act.
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Old 06-06-2006   #4
the fort, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2001
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 672
Here are my two nominees for the Liquid-Based Darwin Awards. Neither of these occurred on CC, but still on the Front Range, so hopefully close enough.

1. This happened in 2004 on the Poudre. I was coming back down the canyon one night to see two guys on the side of the road at the big diversion below BTO. This is a nasty low-head dam with a bunch of stuff at the bottom of it. One of the guys is in his boxers with a tube in one hand and a beer in the other. The river's running about 3.5, so a pretty decent level. The guy in his boxers proceeds to wade out into the middle of the river in his boxers with innertube and beer in hand, hop into the tube, and go over the low head dam. I thought he would get munched at the base of it, but he paused for about a half second, then floated right through. He waded out, hi-fived his brah, then headed back up to run it again. I didn't stay for the second one, but didn't read about him in the paper.

2. THis happened last year at the A-Hole in Lyons. I was there playing at the A-Hole on a Friday afternoon. It was pretty hot. Early July maybe? There were a few on-lookers there, one of which was pretty lit. He has a couple of kids with him. Don't recall any spouses or s/o's, but they may have been in attendance. I had just climbed out of the boat to pack up and head home, when I see this dumby standing on the rail of the footbridge over the river right below the hole. He proceeds to jump off the bridge into the pool downstream of the hole. No idea how deep the water is there, but the flow was pretty low. Next, he jumps in upstream of the hole, swims downstream into the hole head first, and climbs onto the bank of the river unscathed.

No embellishment on either of those. None needed!!

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Old 06-07-2006   #5
Denver, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5
C-Hole Shennanigans

When the Town Run on the Yampa through Steamboat gets low enough the "rubber hatch" comes off and hooligans start to tube it unsafely in high numbers.
I once watched a three year old girl get surfed in the C-Hole with nothing on but a pool innertube around her waist. She was in a full-size tire tube and the thing flipped on her very quickly. Of course I peeled out to do a rescue with a buddy of mine. She was shaken up and didn't want to get back in the tube. Her mother forced her into the tube and went on her way. I can only imagine that she was surfed 100 yards downstream in the D-Hole as well.
As soon as I got back to the eddy a tuber was sitting in it and said,
"What are you guys, like the lifeguards?"

No we are not. And I'm tired of doing rescues for unsafe tubers while trying to have some fun down there.
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