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Old 09-05-2005   #1
Gary E's Avatar
Jackson, Wyoming
Paddling Since: 94
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So there I was

So it's a beautiful day in Bailey Canyon and I've just arrived at supermax, where I break open my lunch of chicken neck bones and M&M's, when a group of punk kids show up and butcher the rapid... So, as I'm laughing at these pukes, I realize it's Todd Gilman and Evan looking like a bunch of carping, no paddling scrubs, slicing and dicing the rapid... It made me sik to when I realized this is the next generation of bad asses, what a shame..

So back to my lunch when I see on the horizon the great old school monster Rasta.. I have to smile, as I know Rasta will show these punks how to run the shit-- when all of a sudden this pebble rears it's head and the legendary Rasta flips trying to catch the eddy off the right just above the top slide.. I watch in disbelief as Rasta starts with a pathetic carp and then takes one hand off his paddle to pull his skirt--- I was like WTF is this choad doing?

So I wait with a warm feeling in my heart, as I know the aftermath is going to be well worth the price of admission-- I might have thrown a rock or two just to make sure when he drug his sorry wet carcuss out of the river he didn't hesitate to check out and start breaking the pieces of gear that stayed on his orca type body...Then it happens, an explosion like the one I used to watch when the m80 had been dropped in the pumpkin.. If you listened real close you could still hear the kids screaming and crying, "why,why"? No this shit isn't funny to me, I'm just telling you what is was like from my perspective dammit... Meanwhile Evan and Todd are watching in horror as this bearded clam is looking for his brothers and sisters under the crux move in the drop..

I was sitting on the rock above Rasta wondering what excuses we'd hear when he managed to get out from under the rock---probably nothing I hadn't heard before "the paddle got ripped out of my hand"--"my skirt blew" my personal favorite "i'm too fat" or maybe his personal favorite, "I haven't been paddling that much" whatever it was gonna be, I was ready to give him the chunder kick in the nuts and backhand for including me in this pathetic display of whitewater kayaking...

So if any of you should meet Rasta in your travels, don't be afraid to walk right up, say "hello choad" and throw the kid a rope whether it's on the hike in, the hike out or during the shuttle, let this yardsale queen know you have his back and will risk blowing out a disc to reel (i.e. harpoon) him in..
Gary E

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Old 09-05-2005   #2
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 20
Hey you shit talking fuck...that was pretty funny.

But you western boaters are still fucking pussys. Why don't you come back east and let some fuckin' people show you down some real shit...I don't want to hear this "I have a bone to pick with Leland cause he took me down the Ramsey Cascades (Class IV you pussy) when I havn't been in a boat for a while." What a lame ass excuse.

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Old 09-07-2005   #3
Gary E's Avatar
Jackson, Wyoming
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kymeat,don't think you could show me anything I haven't already aced in your town,so saddle up and do your 100% green runs and then spout to all the fisherman how much of a badass you are..They are the only ones that might really believe you...

Cannot wait to hear how your runs went with gang green in south america this winter..I'm sure you will come home from a week with RD still peeing on yourself wondering where your paddling skills are or if you even had any to begin with...I'll let him know when he hits CO this month how badass you are and how you want the sharp end,so you can swing your little pecker in camp,as I'm sure those folks have never paddled with someone as stellar as you...

Now get your steriod punk ass fingers off the key board and go do a few laps,so you don't show feeling scared and weak as RD wont have any of that..Big expectations over here for such a mouthy fuck with no name..See you in April,off the couch once again paddling in your backyard..
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Old 09-07-2005   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 557
gary, are you boating. thought you were hurt. lee is trying to rally a crew to raft gore this weekend. since you're such a bad ass, i thought you might be up to the challenge. but i know you are a little scared of gore, so i understand if you don't want to go.

forest was supposed to boat with us on sunday, but he used the old "its my kids birthday party" excuse again. maybe next year forest.
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Old 09-07-2005   #5
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 60
Gary you sir, should be a writer. Such witty and comprehensive prose is rarely seen on these boards, or anywhere for that matter.

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Old 09-07-2005   #6
Gary E's Avatar
Jackson, Wyoming
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Nick I'm still destroyed..Shoulder is rehabing ok,just takes a while and getting my right one done next thurs..Tell the boys hello and be safe..

ps-fights coming up on the 17 pf sept,let me know..
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Old 09-08-2005   #7
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DP - cinematographer, Boulder
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Gar how did you do yourself in? Was it pulling the Rastachum from his near demise? Or perhaps a little Deliverance mutilation on old Bailey?
What gives old man. You better stop all this Ultimate ass grabbing no holes bared stuff before you really get laid up.
Just looking out for ya!


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