On March 1, 2009, a group of 4 extreme kayakers tackled the infamous royal gorge section of the arkansas river at gut wrenching flows of 568.429 cfs. We think that this is the highest that the river has ever been run on the date of March 1, by 4 boaters, when 50% of the boats were orange. Guinness is checking the records as I type.
Recent reports that the gorge was "ice free" meant little to our hardcore expedition. We prepared for the unknown by bringing extra supplies such as hot tea in a thermos, cliff bars, some gummi bears, and a breakdown paddle. With fear in our hearts we launched, wondering if we would ever make it to the end of our journey and the ice chest of cold take out beers waiting for us.
Once on the water we encountered fierce rocky class III rapids, with class V brain freeze consequences for flipping. Battling freezing cold hands and legs cramped in playboats, our crew pushed into the depths of the gorge where no other living creatures dared venture (except tourists with flashing cameras and a few pairs of mating ducks, oh and the folks on the train).
The depths on the inner gorge challenged our crew to the max. One gnarly rapid forced water into my ear, and forgotten ear plugs meant that I had to paddle the rest of the entire rapid with water in my ear, and my equilibruim comprimised. Another boater flipped after an incredibly brave and purposeful surf of a monstrous hole. Only his skull cap saved him from a brain freeze that could have required a climbing evac led by Sylvester Stallone, who has on standby at the rim of the gorge monitoring our progress.
We emerged from the gorge unscathed, and the sight of the truck quickened the pace to reach our victory takeout beers.
Please, for your own safety do not attempt this kind of stunt. We are trained professionals, who have spent countless days learning to kayak on the internet.
As a final note, I would like to thank our sponsors....
-Modelo in a can
-Mr. Grippy's duct tape emporium
-Expedition grade chips and salsa
-Fruit Slammers extreme gummi fruits