Go Back   Mountain Buzz > Whitewater Boating > Whitewater Kayaking

Click Here to Register

Quick Links
Buzz Forums
Home / Portal
View by Forums
View w/o Forums
Partner's Forum
Access & Safety
Kayaking Forum
Kayak Trip Planner
Kayak Gear Talk
Rafting Forum
Rafting Gear
Rafting Trips
Snowriders' Forum
General Boating
SUP
Lost & Found
Betty Buzz
The Eddy

Photo Gallery
Creeking
Rodeo & Freestyle
Snow Riding
Member's Albums
Upload Photos
Classified Ads
Whitewater Kayaks
Kayak Accessories
Rafts/Accessories
Other Boats
Skiing & Boarding
Want Ads
Industry Jobs
Place an Ad





Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-26-2011   #1
 
Wack-Attack's Avatar
 
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2007
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11
River jokes!

So summer is around the corner and though there is a lot of hostility towards commercial guides on here, I think it is time to poke some fun at ourselves. Well also so us commercial people can get some new jokes to work the tips. I want to hear all of your great boating jokes.

-What did the egg say to the boiling pot of water?
I'd love to jump in you and get hard but I just got laid this moning.

As a dirty yeti female raft guide on no other than the Ark, I feel this one is only ever so fitting considering my fully earned "douchette" status.

-What do groovers and a female raft guides have in common?
[I]If the seat is still warm then you know your buddy was just there.[I]

"ewwwaaa... thats soooo grossss, but as an Ark guide I really just don't give a shit"- The fearless honey badger
__________________

__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-2011   #2
 
Medford, Oregon
Paddling Since: 1990
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 88
What's the difference between a guide and god?

God dosn't think he is a guide.....
__________________

__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #3
 
tmaggert's Avatar
 
Carbondale, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2002
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 99
Whats the difference between a female raft guide and a laundry machine?
A laundry machine doesn't follow you around all summer after you drop a load in it.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #4
Cpt. No Scout
 
idahofloater's Avatar
 
In a Van, Down By the River
Paddling Since: 91
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladderboy View Post
What's the difference between a guide and god?

God dosn't think he is a guide.....
so true! its not even funny.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #5
Kjirsten
 
TakemetotheRiver's Avatar
 
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 05
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,439
What's the difference between a female raft guide and a bear?

One is big, brown and hairy and the other one's a bear.

How do you find a male raft guide in the dark?

It's not hard.
__________________
"There is NOTHING--absolute nothing--half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats. Look here! If you've really nothing else on hand this morning, supposing we drop down the river together, and have a long day of it?" -Wind in the Willows
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #6
 
whip's Avatar
 
Salida, Colorado
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 474
Waddya call a raftguide who just broke with his/her boy/girl friend?







Homeless!
__________________
No amount of money is worth your free time!
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #7
 
montuckyhuck's Avatar
 
The Bitterroot, Montana
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 446
This one is all about presentation and can really go either way. I've actually told it around a campfire of lesbian feministas and was not acuasted. It even got a laugh.
Q: how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: two...one to screw it in and one to suck my dick

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a priest?

One is dangerous around children and one is a plastic bag.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #8
Kjirsten
 
TakemetotheRiver's Avatar
 
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 05
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,439
Lightbulb Jokes...

How many raft guides does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10- one to screw it in, and 9 to exaggerate the size of the hole...
__________________
"There is NOTHING--absolute nothing--half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats. Look here! If you've really nothing else on hand this morning, supposing we drop down the river together, and have a long day of it?" -Wind in the Willows
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #9
 
Eagle, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 80
What is the difference between a raft guide and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund eventually matures and makes money.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2011   #10
 
Wack-Attack's Avatar
 
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2007
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11
Hahaha... Yes keep them coming.

Another on of my favorites is a little longer but is great for between rapids.

So a priest and a raft guide die at the same time and while waiting at the pearl gates learn that there is only one spot open. Naturally the priest feels that he has nothing to worry about since he devoted his whole life to preaching gods word. On the other hand the raft guide is a bit worried remembering all the trouble he cuased (especially at disco).
St. Peter returns to tell them that God has decided to let the raft guide in. When the priest questions his choice St Peter responds with "yes but you did devote your life to god but, when you spoke people slept and when the raft guide spoke people prayed!"
__________________

__________________
  Reply With Quote
Post Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Topic Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Taylor River - Texas Developer Trying to Close River to Public Chief Niwot River Access & Safety Alerts! 48 02-01-2010 11:35 PM
DEATH of the river, who's participating, whos river/community is next? Updated Poll! jonas_f Whitewater Kayaking 15 07-10-2008 04:54 PM
Big Thompson River... Sweeper completely arcoss river kayak-kid River Access & Safety Alerts! 0 06-28-2008 10:16 AM
Salt River AZ or Gila River NM multi-day, any Betas? tuckermax Kayaking | Trip Planner 8 03-17-2008 03:06 PM

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

RV & Travel Trailer Communities

Our RV & Travel Trailer sites encompasses virtually all types of Recreational Vehicles, from brand-specific to general RV communities.

» More about our RV Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002-2012 Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:54 PM.

Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.



eXTReMe Tracker

Whitewater Rafting & Kayaking News!

Stay up-to-date with all the whitewater news in your inbox.

unsusbcribe at anytime with one click

Close [X]