What's the difference between a guide and god?

God dosn't think he is a guide.....

 

What's the difference between a guide and god?

God dosn't think he is a guide.....

so true! its not even funny.

 

Whats the difference between a female raft guide and a laundry machine?
A laundry machine doesn't follow you around all summer after you drop a load in it.

 

What's the difference between a female raft guide and a bear?

One is big, brown and hairy and the other one's a bear.

How do you find a male raft guide in the dark?

It's not hard.

 

Waddya call a raftguide who just broke with his/her boy/girl friend?







Homeless!

 

This one is all about presentation and can really go either way. I've actually told it around a campfire of lesbian feministas and was not acuasted. It even got a laugh.
Q: how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: two...one to screw it in and one to suck my dick

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a priest?

One is dangerous around children and one is a plastic bag.

 

Lightbulb Jokes...

How many raft guides does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10- one to screw it in, and 9 to exaggerate the size of the hole...

 

What is the difference between a raft guide and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund eventually matures and makes money.

 

Hahaha... Yes keep them coming.

Another on of my favorites is a little longer but is great for between rapids.

So a priest and a raft guide die at the same time and while waiting at the pearl gates learn that there is only one spot open. Naturally the priest feels that he has nothing to worry about since he devoted his whole life to preaching gods word. On the other hand the raft guide is a bit worried remembering all the trouble he cuased (especially at disco).
St. Peter returns to tell them that God has decided to let the raft guide in. When the priest questions his choice St Peter responds with "yes but you did devote your life to god but, when you spoke people slept and when the raft guide spoke people prayed!"

 

What's the difference between a female raft guide and a hockey player?

The hockey player showers after three periods.

 

I's like to add to this one:

A hockey player showers and changes pads after three periods.

 

What's the first thing a female raft guide says after sex?
Soooo....do you guys all work for the same company?

 

Wow...just wow.

 

i'll throw a clean one in here:

Why are rivers so rich? cause they have 2 banks!

 

Maybe I'm just stating the obvious, but, how do you know a raft guide's lying?

A: His/her lips are moving.

 

Do you know the difference between a female raft guide and bowling ball?

Two punchlines:
1. If you really HAD to, you could eat a bowling ball

2. You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball

 

What does a river guide and a stage coach driver have in common?
They both have to look at 6 horse's asses all day.

 

Guest on a luxury lodge-to-lodge float in AK:
"Ahh... I wonder what the poor people are doing today..."

Me:
"Rowin' your ass down the river."


and a joke:
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?
Mick says, "Hey you get offa my cloud!"
The Scottsman says, "Hey Macleod! Get offa my ewe!"

 

What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4......

 

a joke a coworker said to me while I was making a PB&J sandwich that made laugh out loud profusely...

Q: Do you know the difference between jam and jelly?

A: I can't jelly my dick into your ass...

haha!

 

It is called KY

 

How many raft guides does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two Answers:
1. Doesn't matter, none of us have electricity anyway.
2. Raft guides don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in sleeping bags.

 

where do you hide your money from a dirty Ark guide?

under the soap. they'll never find it.

 

since i am also of the 'female raft guide' tribe, this one seems relevant:



Q: If the stork is the bird of conception, what is the bird of contraception?


A: The swallow!

 

Not on here yet--really? Here goes.
How can you tell a female raft guide is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

 

Not on here yet--really? Here goes.
How can you tell a female raft guide is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

What is the leading cause of death for female raft guides?

Toxic sock syndrome

 

How do you know when a raft guide walks into a bar?

When he walks in he will let you know he is a raft guide.

 

A female raft guide pouring coffee for a male raft guide, asks how do you take your coffee? He says, like I take my women and she replys, sorry we do'nt have any fat ugly coffee.

 

What do you call a dirty yeti ark river guide with 4 quarters on her head?

All you can eat under a buck!!

What do you call a dirty female yeti ark river guide with a runny nose?

Full!!
Wahh ah ha haqhaha hah ha ha

 

whats the difference between a raft guide and poverty,
A TIP MOTHER FERS