Things guides don't like to hear custys say:
"I'll paddle, I've done the Gauley once"= He'll throw in a token backstroke just as you get set up to run the biggest drop on the run
During the middle of the safety speech: " you know, we already know all about this stuff, we canoe all the time back home in Iowa"= someone invariably gets scared and drops their paddle and then doesn't say anything, OR, they watch you self rescue and wonder why you decided to go swimming through that rapid.
"wow, there sure are a lot of waves for such a calm day!"= no concept of basic physics or nature.
"would you might shooting me with that bear spray, I don't want any of them coming around me"= it's not like deep Wood's OFF for Christ's sake, (although the though of spraying a customer with bear spray is charmingly refreshing...)
unfortunatley,the list goes on.....