I hope you don't stop kayaking. Five years ago I started kayaking after my oldest teenage son (just (JUST) turned eighteen) was killed in a really horrible car accident (trust me--it was as bad as it gets). Of course we were devastated. It is a life sentence dealing with something like this. HARD time on the Cross. It does get easier with time, which is on your side, I want to assure you. One day the next year we all (my wife, other son, and daughter) went to the local zoo and they had these kayak rides around the park water way for $5. We started to feel a little better for the first time in a long time (that whole experience is going to be strange for you too). But we did it again. And again. Well, within a few months time I had a garage full of kayaks. It's been therapy for us that is better than anti-depressants or therapy alone (and its used for wounded veterans--Project River Runner (Welcome to Team River Runner! | Team River Runner
) and cancer victims through First Decents (First Descents > Home
). Check out those websites--it will do you some good when you are ready for it. It is about re-connecting with life. Again, down the road a little probably. I'm speaking from the perspective of 5 years later.
Kayaking. You should not give this up. But if you do, find another outside sport or activity to replace it. Listen, I've been there. For me, the only thing I could do in the beginning was distract myself with things. There's nothing else you can do. But then it becomes about living strong and though you may not be ready now (be patient with yourself) your next goal in life (like it or not) is figuring out how to live life again. Won't be easy and my heart goes out to you. I'll pray for you and your fiance today on my paddle. In fact I'll dedicate my paddle to you both today.