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Old 07-29-2005   #1
Lyons, 80540
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 25
OT - Men are from Mars

Bored at work... so I'm posting this. TGIF

You will get a real charge out of this one. Remember the book - "Men are
from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here is a true-life example from
the University of Phoenix. An English Professor assigned his students to
a joint writing exercise that quickly degraded - check it out...

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another
copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on,
back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in
the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).



(First paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks
that pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no
one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.


Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."



Get screwed.

Eat sh**.




(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A


Juan E Thyme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2005   #2
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 498
wow thanks for the laugh. sj

sj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2005   #3
FlyingFluke's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 41
Enjoyed your entertaining post at work. Please send more.
FlyingFluke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2005   #4
Eagle, Colorado
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 281
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AWESOME! i think i'm going to go drink some tea while i listen to bush's plan to get earth destroyed.
Alpine Arms
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