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Old 05-09-2007   #11
Owner: Class 5 Carvings
Paul the Kayaker's Avatar
The Fort, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 498
So if your a rafter and not a kayaker and feel left out, then splat big rocks in your raft and give you customers a good ride. Personal fav is pineview splat above 3.5 for all you poudre guides, really gives your customers something to remember!!! Plus your tips get bigger when they fall out and you "save" their lives and pull them back in.

Thoughts of wisdom - P the K

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Old 05-09-2007   #12
Andy H.'s Avatar
Wheat Ridge, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1995
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,909
I've hosed down commercial custys with a water cannon before but now that I know its OK to REALLY splat them I'll start reaching for that soggy half tomato left over from lunch!

As for rafts actually splatting, there's a good rock just before the Hectic takeout on R Right where I've been in a paddle boat and we all got into the back and splatted the rock in a raft. It was a fun move going WAAAY up on the rock and the newbies in the group got a real kick out of it.

-Andy (the rafter)

Nothing in the world is more yielding and gentle than water. Yet it has no equal for conquering the resistant and tough. The flexible can overcome the unbending; the soft can overcome the hard. - Lao Tse
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Old 05-09-2007   #13
Owner: Class 5 Carvings
Paul the Kayaker's Avatar
The Fort, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 498
Andy the rafter, I also recomend the killer bridge splat if your ever on the poudre, so at the end of the rapid be right going left and try to splat the pillar, it's a great move. Good one too old friend with the water cannon!!! Your feller rafters probably never see it coming, try the mystery guide move sometime as well, this one goes like this.

1. Aim for a big rock in the middle of the river
2. Just miss it and jump from your raft to the rock
3. Sit there and watch your customers raft with no guide!!!
4. Meet everyone at the take out

Trust me when your crew realizes that they successfully navigated the river without you you'll get a huge tip, and if they pin or flip they will have so much fun which will alos lead to a big tip, either way you cannot lose and you dont have to work hard guiding and telling stupid stories!!!
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Old 05-09-2007   #14
raftus's Avatar
Boulder, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,128
As long as you don't hit the custies I say go for it. Splatting the bow of my boat would be fairly impressive.

Speaking of rafts doing rock splats - were were running Slaughterhouse last summer following a commercial trip. The owner of the company, his daughter, and another guy were in a mini-me behind us. In one of the drops he splatted a bit too big, flipped the boat, and went on a swim. I rescued his daughter who was so used to swimming that in the middle of a class IV rapid she was holding her paddle, a dry bag, and swimming like it was her bathtub. When I hit her with the throw rope she calmly shifted the paddle to the hand with the dry bag, then grabbed the rope a few seconds later despite the fact another rapid was right below us. She was completely unfazed. Apparently rock splatting is a common activity on Slaughterhouse. Or maybe her Dad just flips a lot. Either way you gotta love a girl that keeps her composure during and after a swim.
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Old 05-09-2007   #15
Caspian's Avatar
Englewood, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1978
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Originally Posted by bigdrop View Post
It all depends on your crew. However the best rock to splat in the EAST is postage due, at the bottom of sweets falls on the upper G.
Not just in the east. Elevator eddy, Sweet's right above, and raft carnage in the Box make it best in the USA by my measure.
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Old 05-09-2007   #16
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185 lb. waste of space, Keeping Glenwood Springs real
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 917
So as P to the K has stated there are usually some hotties on the raft. I prefer the splat to come down and as the girlies are staring draw jopped you lean up and plant a big one (with some tongue) on her. That will help you get the ultimate tip at the bar later that night from the rafter's custies.
970-217-21 six six
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Old 05-09-2007   #17
????, Colorado
Paddling Since: ????
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 32
splat the splating raft!

take it a step further, find a guide that will splat on command, come in right behind, and dig in! weird shit will happen, so be prepared. be shure the custies' are wearing helmets cuz court sucks
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Old 05-10-2007   #18
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 169
Originally Posted by bigdrop View Post
It all depends on your crew. However the best rock to splat in the EAST is postage due, at the bottom of sweets falls on the upper G.

i always thought pillow was the best splat rock on the gauley!

if someone thinks runnning into rocks with a raft on purpose isn't okay, they are lame.

my favorite is to ask if they can see the invisible rock then yell hard foward. keep asking if they can see it and most of the time they ignore the giant obviuos rock you are about to slam in to.

good fun!
if i'd known it was gonna be that kinda party...
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Old 05-10-2007   #19
iliketohike's Avatar
Durango, Colorado
Paddling Since: 94
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 176

This is what I've learned so far.

Splating commercial rafts is not only ok, it will win me praise from guides. Further, I must try to kiss attractive females in the raft while I am in a bow stall, and I can feel free to throw refuse at passing rafters...and if I am feeling especially ballsy I can try to land in the raft when the oppurtunity presents itself.

Awesome. From now on this should be part of our river etiquit: further,,, not splatting commercial rafts is rude, and could leave them feeling left out and unwelcomed on the river. I've now found something to entertain me during flat water stretches. And if any hot headed guide gives me greif for my exploits I will fight back and refrence mountainbuzz as the authoritative voice in this realm.

The only thing left to due is attempt to steal their PBR while splatting and kissing the attractive clients. It's gonna be a fun summer...Thanks all
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Old 05-10-2007   #20
WhiteLightning's Avatar
Eagle County, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2002
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 928
PBR on commercial boats? Whcih outfitter is that? That sounds like my style of guiding! Yes, I agree to be cool to you so long as you say "it's common practice tip your guide some Benjimans! Don't be a stingy bastard" Bonus points if you tell them that their guide is "famous in these parts, best guide on the river" or whatever. If you do that, we'll tell the Betties that you are a well known pro kayaker/model sponsored by Trojan Magnums.

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