Gnarrows Race... oh so close

[Paul the Kayaker]

Ya ya ya big metro bouldenver talkers. I mean I understand your excuses, you hear them every day from women who won't go home with you, and because of it your confidence is so low you have to pretend your going to be out of town knowing that the dates may not change and your off the hook. Its ok I mean stay on clear creek and walk around rigo a few more times and this will all pass over. Cutch I know you won by 14 seconds but that was only because my team mate was nowhere to be found. I tube that faster than 30 minutes! So as usual it seems like the FC crew will be the only ones to step it up again, its ok boater cross for many is scary! That buckle will never leave town!

P the Positive

[lotsawater]

J.J. I pulled this chart off the internets as to help you decide how much longer you can expect to have that rapidly receding hairline. Your so ugly even your hair is trying to get away from your face. Anyways I hope this chart helps. I think you are somewhere around a stage "VI" but it could be a stage VII I dunno. I hope this helps buddy.

ps. Sunscreen

[GAtoCSU]

You bitches better bring some peaches if I show up.. I'll be collecting them.

I like peach pie btw.. And I'll take that belt buckle to get polished so I have some more bling bling...

Scott

[adrock]

Pretty sure I'm the only one outta all you mthrfckrs that's got a full head of hair (other than Kevin jew curls), and I'm gonna style that shit up nice for Thursday. Pagel, Ive got a transition in the front yard ifn you want er. fuck it, fly back early, what, you think work is a good reason to miss this shit? You need a good whoopin on the fusbal table, ya' aint gonna like it.

[lotsawater]

I for one am against postponing the race for Kyle. His huge head would pop if we postponed a fort collins event for somebody that doesn't even live here. Phuq him and his couch. There is a reason his nickname is "Switchback Mountain"

[yourrealdad]

I say get it while the gettins good. I was up there today polishing off my whiteline boof and I haven't seen a boof like that since I went to Tijauna and saw the ol Leif's mom and senor donkey show (there is supposed to be a tilde above the n in senor but I don't know how to do that). Oh and just in case you thought I could be beat because my boat fills up with water faster than poo in JJ's Depends, I got a new shell today. Uh oh, somebody's closer.

[Force]

This thursday, next wednesday, it don't matter as I'm going to smoke you all. Level is 2.1ft as of this Sunday at 5pm and is looking to be optimal for race lines with a good chance of some carnage in places.

Lotsalikecock - you better lay off the colorado ruben as those love handles will do little to help your performance other than giving you extra floatation when you're swimming out of white line. allthough i hear my mom likes having something to hold onto when she's giving it to you with her strap on and she tells me your handles work great. i'm honestly a little surprised your into that and wouldn't have believed it until i saw her mounting you from the rear last week on the narrows. wow... your a giving person...or shall i say a taking person.

Yourrealsister - please apply some vagisil to your nether regions before the race as you might be a little sore after the prelims and ps a new hull will do little to help your performance if you're still running the sneaks.

Paul the boyfriend of yourrealsister - are you sure you remember the lines up on the gnarrows? as i haven't seen you on the water in awhile but i did see some sweet footage of your swimming in DT. hopefully your boys knew how to fish you out. i figured you had sold you boat and taken up rollerblading since then. you know the hardest thing about rollerblading? telling your dad your gay.

JJH - stop watching my race lines as you ain't got the skills or hairline to follow what i've got planned. i'm taking that belt buckle from you whether you like it or not.

Dotcom - you better figure out the line on super collider as surfing the hole is no way to win the race but will provide some good friendly rubbing all winter long.

Frenchy - i've heard about your plans to bring the long boat and while some may consider it cheating last years final four may allow it due to your old age as thats the only way you're making it into the finals this year.

[lotsawater]

Peachy

This is a race down a class V streatch of whitewater, it is NOT one of your redneck comps her pall. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.
This isn't like that picture I saw of your last family reunion.

[GAtoCSU]

Hey,

Don't knock the mud training until you try it. I'm going to be so far in front of you that I'll be able to set safety for you at the lower narrows so if you swim again I'll be able to fish your ass out

Scott

[adrock]

Fellas, some very funny shit. JJH, way to kick it off, I have a side cramp from laughing at that post. As you may or may not know I've had some pretty important shit to do in this 100 degree heat, like brand beer, license music, lift stones, move dirt and drink a shit ton of Blue Paddle, but if I can lay off the sauce and the rock for an evening I might try to find my nuts, my boat, my camera and my way up to the gnarrows for either some filming or some racing depending on weather or not I feel like swimming out of white line.