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Old 07-27-2009   #31
Mad Scientist/Creeker
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 803
Alright you snaggletoothed wannabes, why no shit talk yet? Well, it's like Leif said, nice try on calling the race while Cutch is doing a family float on Ruby/Horsetheif. Although this does highlight the incredibly small chance of a repeat for Switchback since he's been looking like an old man with a sunhat, and a hairy back, rowing the the flats more than creeking this summer.

And... Jacobi, Ronto and hot pants are four words I don't want to hear in the same sentence this year.

Where have I been. You fools don't get up early enough to paddle with me. I don't get out as often as I used to, sure, but while you little mank whores are out breaking your boats on back crunchingly low runs of obscure class V just to post on your fake little bike shuttle blog, I'm out running high water laps on Big South and working on covert ops of classic uncovered gems (see below) just so one day you can get the balls to run'em when the beta's all there.

As for the old men, I ain't one of 'em yet. I told JJ not to call me if he didn't run Double Trouble last weekend... and he still callled! Mainly to bitch about how Frenchy rushed him and how Marty wouldn't sack up to run it first!

We all know Marty's the shit but he's definitely forgotten his rugby days. Maybe he would show up for some competition if we held a polo game, instead of the race, in the pool above the dam on the Filter Plant. Boatercross, that shit's way to rough for Marty. Come to think of it, his absence throughout the entire history of the race is making me question if he is really a Kiwi, or if he just faked the acscent to pick-up Michelle and now he's stuck with it.

Leif, you might be gone but your mom's still hanging around. I think I saw her in a convertable rabbit with Patrick's sister and Jacobi the other day. You've seen those MILF teaches teen episodes right? Kind of suprising that Patrick's sister passes for a teen, but you know, suspended disbelief. And yeah, my sister's hot... but you know she only likes black men.

Now who wants some.

Where I've been.
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Evan Stafford
Cub boater: "What do the spiders mean?" Old fart boater: "Trust your intuition." CRCII
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Old 07-27-2009   #32
tj@cu's Avatar
Boulder, Colorado
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 983
I don't care when we have the race as long as Keck can be there, that way no one will have to worry about getting last.

I think we can rule out Christ-Ian winning cause i'll give him some of his redman sauce the night before.

Evan might have a leg up on the competition with his bald head but I'm not sure if it can make up for his arthritis.

Yourealdad and his seventh grade GF should be putting one on the ground soon so he might miss out.

I might actually have to get my back waxed for this one just to make sure I get the belt.

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Old 07-27-2009   #33
Owner: Class 5 Carvings
Paul the Kayaker's Avatar
The Fort, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 498
The Hot Pants are my secret weapon, and just because Jacobi and I high five 3 times over head doesn't mean we do everything together. We do plan on taking one and two though...

Evan, you only get up early to do laps on bridges, or surf the hole, pineview and anything above has lost it's appeal to you I guess.

JJH, don't complain about boating with Frenchy and how he rushed you, you went boating with Frenchy, you knew that was going to happen. I ran the BS with him a few weeks back and we werent even allowed a break for lunch. I got him back though by making him drive the shuttle while my key was down in my boat at the takeout.

Again, does Marty have a computer? Or is that too new of an innovation for him.

Lief, anyone can run mako falls, on a shamoo, so your plop and drop boating in the Pac NW doesnt impress me. Try doing those drops tandem on an inflatable couch with beers in hand and I may be interested. Oh ya Kev and I highfived 3 times over you mom's head last weekend, totally sucked.

Patrick, I dont have anything bad to say about you, but seeing your sister stumble out of my house multiple times into the bright morning sun for a nice long walk home always made my heart tingle knowing Kev was doing business.

ToddG, I may have a beat ass CFS you can ride, sorry the Everest is reserved that day, cannot let actual talent compete against me in my own gear.

For the rest of you, bring your blinders, mine and Kev's upper thighs havnt seen the sun in almost 30 years!!
P the K
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Old 07-27-2009   #34
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 273
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Evan, I bet the middle kings was better. Besides, getting your walker down to the put-in might be challenging.

Tom, you can't make fun of Kevin. Wasn't your girlfriend a freshman highschool last year? Plus, instead of running the middle kings with me when you were at the take out, you drove back to colorado so you could fly to pennsylvania, so you could drive back to colorado with your girlfriend. Who's the boy toy now bitch! WHIPPED!!!!

Kevin, anyone who walks double trouble is way to big of a pussy to be my real dad.

That buckle is coming back to my peoples! RED POWER!
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Old 07-27-2009   #35
Fort Collins, Colorado
Paddling Since: 03
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 51
I would be in if it is on the 2nd. I'd probably kick most of your asses, so on second thought maybe you should have it later so that I can't make it.

I don't post much, so in case you don't know this is Natalie speaking.
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Old 07-27-2009   #36
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 393
Cutch! Pick a date already! That run is already 'low side of good'. If it gets any lower some mank enthusiast like Keck or Tom will win since the rest of us won't be interested in subjecting our boats to that level of abuse.

Since some of us are still getting it done on the weekends maybe the race should be on a weeknight (don't make it too late...I hear the Foco geriatrics have an early curfew on weeknights.)

Anyone who thinks the race should be held on a prime Crystal Gorge weekend looks like a weak biatch who is afraid of racing against people who actually run the shit.

It's hard for me to comprehend how any Fort Collins boater has the balls to talk shit in this thread after a Denver boater who had never run the Narrows kicked all your asses last year. On your home run! The shame!

Not that I think the aforementioned Denver boater stands a chance at the buckle this year...unless there is a rafting category.

Kevin, it's a kayak race, not a bike race. Sorry you've been training for the wrong thing.

ToddG - do you even kayak anymore? I'd let you borrow my boat but I'm a little concerned that you've forgotten how to roll. It would be kinda sad for your mom to see you lose to a bunch of Front Rangers after all the shit you spray about the PNW.

It looks like between Tina and Natalie we can have a ladies division. That's good news because I'm guessing they'll both beat me.
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Old 07-27-2009   #37
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Bozeman, Montana
Paddling Since: 1999
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,507
im going to beat all your ass's in my Walmart raft. sissies. tom and christian your boof better be solid cause im giong to knock you both out in whiteline, steal your boats and S.U.P. both of your cracked ass jefes to finish line, like a pair of gay ass roller skates.

ohh can't wait to take the buckle back to a real state where you should actually wear a buckle to hold your britchs up, not to look like a bunch of flamming metro sexuals at a panic at the disco rave at the Mish.

evan bring that remix again ill set the log up for that epic swim.

jj, marty, frechman i don't even have to worry about you guys ill leave the raft for you guys to swim to after i steal tom and christians boat.

anybody wearing hot pants, kick your self in the ass and wait at the filter plant for us, we will meet you there just keep waiting.

nobody really has to worry about the pnw crew they don't paddle mank anylonger and todd nobody around fort collins boats so i doubt you will beable to find a boat let alone a paddle.

as for the girls. ill give a head start and jabs and haymakers are allowed.

keck or cutch you even boat anymore?

thanks for the whore patrick. deffentelly needed one just make sure you take her to the vet before heading up the canyon with our winnings we don't want some nasty imbreed disease!
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Old 07-27-2009   #38
Mad Scientist/Creeker
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 803
Originally Posted by caspermike View Post
im giong to knock you both out in whiteline, steal your boats and S.U.P. both of your cracked ass jefes to finish line, like a pair of gay ass roller skates.
Evan Stafford
Cub boater: "What do the spiders mean?" Old fart boater: "Trust your intuition." CRCII
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Old 07-28-2009   #39
boof512's Avatar
Teacher, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 308
I was not trying to call the race... However the term "shit or get of the pott" came to mind since I had not seen any posts about a 2009 Gnarrows race.
Evan.. Nice job on photo shop.. you guys really look like you are running the shit..that must have taken some time to make it look that good...give me a call so we can get some narrows pre-victory laps in today..
Kyle- Turn your computer on and name a time and a place for the race...then maybe the shit talking could get bumped up a notch (aka. a come back by lotsa's)
Nemi-Who goes for a T-rescue in the middle of green bridge.. then carps his roll and swims in class 3????
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Old 07-28-2009   #40
Mad Scientist/Creeker
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 803
Talk about balls, Doublet you're too busy jerking off to Fred's POV Crystal Gorge video to come on an exclusive first descent much less sack up to race the Gnarrows on a week night.

First rule of Gnarrows thread shit talk - YOU HAVE TO RACE TO TALK SHIT!

All these comments coming outta Boulder are getting outta hand. Put down your Natty Light and get off the Fraternity computer for long enough to realize that we drink real beer up here, our parents don't pay for it, and you've never even had the balls to show up to the race before... so why should we believe your coming this year.

And Christian.... 2.5? Please! Learn to read the gauge before talking shit about our backyard run and trying to inflate your pint sized ego. 2.2 on Sunday and if the Gnarrows aren't gnarly enough for you, why don't you run Boulder Creek instead? The nasties coming off the half naked tubing hippies making Wigston rich should be gnarly enough.

Evan Stafford
Cub boater: "What do the spiders mean?" Old fart boater: "Trust your intuition." CRCII
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