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Old 07-25-2005   #41
Lyons, 80540
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 25
I really wanted to let this $hit slide, but I can't. It's too personal and I want to vent for a couple of reasons: A) I see that two good friends of mine (De La Boot -story below about his nickname- and BillyD) have apparently had close friends / family pass from taking their lives. Either that or they are simply more compassionate than the average person on this forum. B) If I educate one person about suicide then my work here is done. I'm not looking for sympathy and I am not looking to haze those that made jokes about all this. I know this is a forum where people joke around and try to ruffle feathers... I don't want to open up my personal life on the web, especially on a kayak forum, but my intention is to educate some people regarding this thread. Writing this is also good therapy. I've learned that bottling things up is the worst thing one can do.

This is going to be incredibly long winded.. be forewarned.

First, my only brother and my closest Aunt committed suicide. I can tell you that they were NOT crazy. It seems many people think that when some one kills themselves it means they're nuts. Hell, if I didn't have all this happen to close family members I'd probably feel the same way. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I can't imagine feeling so much misery that I'd want to kill myself but some people do experience temporary insanity sometimes because of depression... maybe bi-polar disease. Either that or they are in so much pain they cannot stand to be around one more day (a la Hunter S Thompson). But, be assured these people are far from being crazy. Those that are mad at your friends for taking their lives seem to think that in doing this act they were selfish people. Not true... those that attempt suicide by making superficial cuts on their wrists may be looking for attention but when you're successful at it you've thought long and hard about it and you want to make sure the deed is done. The last thing I think that is on their mind is how it will affect others.

My brother Sean committed suicide when I was 15 and he was 16. He was the #1 wrestler in his class in the state of FL, we was dating the hottest chicita in our school, he had more friends at that age than I could ever have. He got straight A's and worked a 20 hr a week job. I, on the other hand, wore the same Iron Maiden t-shirt every day, worshipped the ground Vince Neil walked on and wrote the Van Halen emblem all over my notebooks instead of paying attention to my grades. If you took a poll in our school asking who they thought could possibly take their own life, 99 out of 100 would've picked me. I was dark humored, had few friends and didn't really give a f*ck.

One night I walked in my brothers room, and was like "hey dude, what's going on?" He was on the phone with his girlfriend and he just said "get F outta my room!" Then he proceeded to put his entire fist through his bedroom wall... I was like, "man, this cat is angry about something." The next day things went normal until between 3rd and 4th period when I usually see him walking down the hall with all his jock friends... he wasn't with the group that day and I thought it was kinda weird. Typically they'd all walk by me and he'd punch me in the shoulder and call me “dirtbag.” After school I went home... went through the garage and it smelled weird... I went inside walked into my brothers room and saw a note, addressed to me. It said that he wanted me to have his car and he wanted me to take care of our mother. I was like man, he must've run away... I'm getting on my mo-ped (yes, I had a mo-ped - I already told you I was a tool in my early high school years) and going to look for him.. I went in the garage, opened the garage door, rolled out the ped.. went back in to close garage and noticed the car seat was laid all the way back... and he was in there and all red & purple... I rolled the car out of the garage and called 911. I kept trying to wake him but he wouldn't wake up. The ambulance came and he was pronounced dead.
He had picked up three friends that morning and dropped them off at school and said he "forgot" his notebook and had to go back home. When someone on this thread mentioned that the lady in the Poudre should have just killed herself by carbon monoxide, "like everyone else," it really got to me. He was scheduled to wrestle that night in the State Championships. My dad went to the match straight from work like he did for every match. The police came and escorted him out.

My Aunt, my mothers youngest sister, committed suicide this past January. She was awesome. She was a Head Ski Patroller at Attitash in New Hampshire. She was a paramedic and a volunteer firefighter. She was also drop dead gorgeous. Everyone loved her. She taught me to ski
New England ice like it was butta'. She came to all my ski races and cheered me on. She was a triathlete, a kayaker and unfortunately, bi-polar. She's do weird things every once in awhile but we all considered it mood swings. In January, not long after Christmas, she decided she couldn't deal anymore... she had a failed marriage... her new restaurant went belly up... she had a disease and all these things combined I guess made her do this terrible deed. A whole bottle of pain relievers.

In any event, these two people were not "crazy." Maybe temporarily. They both accomplished so much, they both were good people and if I read a thread like this about either one of them, I would find you

and bum rush you with my club foot like an aging DIO fan.

This woman that ended her life near Super Collider (and yes, I have run this rapid many times) was a Special Ed teacher. She spent her life helping others and the least we can do is send our condolences, not rag on her for taking the wrong line. Death is tragic no matter how you.. yes this is a forum about kayaking and no we're not here to be politically correct.. but don't tell me to suck it up and chill out. Just think about family members that are affected by tragedies such as these and do think about what how her family members would feel if they read all this.

Tragedies happen but please don't look at some deaths being more "insignificant" than others... Don't be angry at anyone for dying. Just grieve and be f*cking sad. Death sucks... I don't have an Aunt to ski with when I go home, I don't have a brother to jokingly call me dirtbag and grow old with, I can't help but feel sick to my stomach when I see my mother knowing she lost one of her two sons and her youngest sister to something she maybe thinks she could have done something about... I can't tell Max Sullivan how much the Yankees suck. Death is tragic, now lets let this thread pass on as well.


PS- The De la Boot story
5-6 years ago a bunch of us took a hot summers day off paddling and went to a Lynyrd Skynyd concert in some hump of a town in east CO.
With me was a bunch of close friends include Josh - now known as De la Boot. We were in the parking lot of the show.. listening to red neck music, playing frisbee trying our damndest not hit an aging harley rider, when someone from this savage redneck posse decided to have a "shotgunning" contest with Bud pounders.. we all sat around the cooler with pounders in hand.. somebody said, "ready, set, go!" Then someone shouted,"stop." Someone wasn't quite ready so we all stopped except Josh who already poked the whole in the can.. so he downed the bad boy. Then not but a minute later we were all ready and did another. The contents of two bud pounders in this young mans was stomach was too much for the unseasoned pounder.. this created a gag reflex and he "booted" in the middle of our little circle. From then on he was coined "bootin Josh" until one day he was renamed "de la Boot," so the ladies would not be privvy to his habit of hurling at concerts.


Juan E Thyme is offline  
Old 07-25-2005   #42
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 498
A couple of people have refrenced a sentance in my post. First of all I offered it as opinion not science. It is an opinion shaped by experience. I like Jaun and a few others in this thread know way more about suicide aftermath than I care to. How you choose to deal and how I do is our biz and quite frankly I din't expect you to change how you feel about this. And no matter how you try you won't reshape my feelings. It seems even people with personel experience are split on this. This can be a cold hard place at times and nothing is ever really gained by staying and arguing an opinion in a thread that veres like this one did. As always no malaice intended. sj

sj is offline  
Old 07-25-2005   #43
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 89
Sorry about your losses, Juan.

I think people will be sensitive enough not to disagree with you. You've pretty much shut everyone down by playing the sensitivity card.

But, I'm going to call you on it. I have the same credentials as you: my mom committed suicide when I was a teenager. Yea, no fun.

For several years I've had to deal with my sensitivity to suicide. When people make jokes about it, lots of different emotions can happen. But, who am I to shut down people having fun when no harm is meant? I can play the holyier-than-thou game and shut people down, but where does this lead us? If we removed all insensitivity from our life, it's like removing all danger from our life. Life becomes boring.

I think it is very valid to take the jokers perspective, NOT impose your own perspective. If no harm was intended, don't take any and learn to deal with your emotions.

I've learned to deal with my emotions. I thought the jokes were pretty funny. I still miss my mom.
stiff is offline  
Old 07-25-2005   #44
Lyons, 80540
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 25
Calling me out? Like I said.. I don't want any sympathy and I'm not playing any kind of card. I wanted people to know that everyone that commits this act is not "crazy." I got the feeling that some people thought this type of death should be looked at as a more insignificant tragedy. I do think a lot of people think this way. I've learned to deal with my emotions also and wouldn't have wrote this if I haven't. Like I said, I wasn't hazing people for joking about it, I was merely trying "educate" people a little more about the subject. I think if you saw a thread about your mom, similar to this, you'd be less than thrilled and I would think a bit hurt.

I'm sorry for your loss too.
Juan E Thyme is offline  
Old 07-25-2005   #45
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 85
I've got to say Juan E Thyme has as good a grip on his emotions as anyone else I've met. There are no cards being played, the story was just to let people know suicide can be just as unsuspecting and hurtful as any other death. I think the biggest mistake is snapping on someone who is senstive to a death with comments like she deserved to die, or it was her choice. Those are the people that need a little education. I agree some of the jokes were funny, just like when you make fun of someone that makes the Darwin awards. Its always just a good idea to try to think a little bit before you post.
BillyD is offline  
Old 07-27-2005   #46
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 20

my thoughts go out to all who have lost someone close, especially in a tragic way. i personnally would beat the shit out of anyone i heard talking negatively about such a tragedy. and i love jokes, but have some heart. And yeah, the Yankees suck.
clevedave is offline  
Old 12-23-2010   #47
Greer, South Carolina
Paddling Since: 2011
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Found this by accident. This was my Aunt.
Nunya is offline  
Old 12-24-2010   #48
chopsville, mo
Paddling Since: 2007
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 9
small world.....keep your head on people.......happy winter......mauler
hillmooley is offline  
Old 12-24-2010   #49
El Flaco's Avatar
Golden, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1984
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,879
I'm going to close this thread. If any of the people that posted flippant comments about this poor woman's suicide want to contact her nephew directly to apologize, do it through PM.

El Flaco is offline  
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