I really wanted to let this $hit slide, but I can't. It's too personal and I want to vent for a couple of reasons: A) I see that two good friends of mine (De La Boot -story below about his nickname- and BillyD) have apparently had close friends / family pass from taking their lives. Either that or they are simply more compassionate than the average person on this forum. B) If I educate one person about suicide then my work here is done. I'm not looking for sympathy and I am not looking to haze those that made jokes about all this. I know this is a forum where people joke around and try to ruffle feathers... I don't want to open up my personal life on the web, especially on a kayak forum, but my intention is to educate some people regarding this thread. Writing this is also good therapy. I've learned that bottling things up is the worst thing one can do.
This is going to be incredibly long winded.. be forewarned.
First, my only brother and my closest Aunt committed suicide. I can tell you that they were NOT crazy. It seems many people think that when some one kills themselves it means they're nuts. Hell, if I didn't have all this happen to close family members I'd probably feel the same way. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I can't imagine feeling so much misery that I'd want to kill myself but some people do experience temporary insanity sometimes because of depression... maybe bi-polar disease. Either that or they are in so much pain they cannot stand to be around one more day (a la Hunter S Thompson). But, be assured these people are far from being crazy. Those that are mad at your friends for taking their lives seem to think that in doing this act they were selfish people. Not true... those that attempt suicide by making superficial cuts on their wrists may be looking for attention but when you're successful at it you've thought long and hard about it and you want to make sure the deed is done. The last thing I think that is on their mind is how it will affect others.
My brother Sean committed suicide when I was 15 and he was 16. He was the #1 wrestler in his class in the state of FL, we was dating the hottest chicita in our school, he had more friends at that age than I could ever have. He got straight A's and worked a 20 hr a week job. I, on the other hand, wore the same Iron Maiden t-shirt every day, worshipped the ground Vince Neil walked on and wrote the Van Halen emblem all over my notebooks instead of paying attention to my grades. If you took a poll in our school asking who they thought could possibly take their own life, 99 out of 100 would've picked me. I was dark humored, had few friends and didn't really give a f*ck.
One night I walked in my brothers room, and was like "hey dude, what's going on?" He was on the phone with his girlfriend and he just said "get F outta my room!" Then he proceeded to put his entire fist through his bedroom wall... I was like, "man, this cat is angry about something." The next day things went normal until between 3rd and 4th period when I usually see him walking down the hall with all his jock friends... he wasn't with the group that day and I thought it was kinda weird. Typically they'd all walk by me and he'd punch me in the shoulder and call me dirtbag. After school I went home... went through the garage and it smelled weird... I went inside walked into my brothers room and saw a note, addressed to me. It said that he wanted me to have his car and he wanted me to take care of our mother. I was like man, he must've run away... I'm getting on my mo-ped (yes, I had a mo-ped - I already told you I was a tool in my early high school years) and going to look for him.. I went in the garage, opened the garage door, rolled out the ped.. went back in to close garage and noticed the car seat was laid all the way back... and he was in there and all red & purple... I rolled the car out of the garage and called 911. I kept trying to wake him but he wouldn't wake up. The ambulance came and he was pronounced dead.
He had picked up three friends that morning and dropped them off at school and said he "forgot" his notebook and had to go back home. When someone on this thread mentioned that the lady in the Poudre should have just killed herself by carbon monoxide, "like everyone else," it really got to me. He was scheduled to wrestle that night in the State Championships. My dad went to the match straight from work like he did for every match. The police came and escorted him out.
My Aunt, my mothers youngest sister, committed suicide this past January. She was awesome. She was a Head Ski Patroller at Attitash in New Hampshire. She was a paramedic and a volunteer firefighter. She was also drop dead gorgeous. Everyone loved her. She taught me to ski
New England ice like it was butta'. She came to all my ski races and cheered me on. She was a triathlete, a kayaker and unfortunately, bi-polar. She's do weird things every once in awhile but we all considered it mood swings. In January, not long after Christmas, she decided she couldn't deal anymore... she had a failed marriage... her new restaurant went belly up... she had a disease and all these things combined I guess made her do this terrible deed. A whole bottle of pain relievers.
In any event, these two people were not "crazy." Maybe temporarily. They both accomplished so much, they both were good people and if I read a thread like this about either one of them, I would find you
and bum rush you with my club foot like an aging DIO fan.
This woman that ended her life near Super Collider (and yes, I have run this rapid many times) was a Special Ed teacher. She spent her life helping others and the least we can do is send our condolences, not rag on her for taking the wrong line. Death is tragic no matter how you.. yes this is a forum about kayaking and no we're not here to be politically correct.. but don't tell me to suck it up and chill out. Just think about family members that are affected by tragedies such as these and do think about what how her family members would feel if they read all this.
Tragedies happen but please don't look at some deaths being more "insignificant" than others... Don't be angry at anyone for dying. Just grieve and be f*cking sad. Death sucks... I don't have an Aunt to ski with when I go home, I don't have a brother to jokingly call me dirtbag and grow old with, I can't help but feel sick to my stomach when I see my mother knowing she lost one of her two sons and her youngest sister to something she maybe thinks she could have done something about... I can't tell Max Sullivan how much the Yankees suck. Death is tragic, now lets let this thread pass on as well.
PS- The De la Boot story
5-6 years ago a bunch of us took a hot summers day off paddling and went to a Lynyrd Skynyd concert in some hump of a town in east CO.
With me was a bunch of close friends include Josh - now known as De la Boot. We were in the parking lot of the show.. listening to red neck music, playing frisbee trying our damndest not hit an aging harley rider, when someone from this savage redneck posse decided to have a "shotgunning" contest with Bud pounders.. we all sat around the cooler with pounders in hand.. somebody said, "ready, set, go!" Then someone shouted,"stop." Someone wasn't quite ready so we all stopped except Josh who already poked the whole in the can.. so he downed the bad boy. Then not but a minute later we were all ready and did another. The contents of two bud pounders in this young mans was stomach was too much for the unseasoned pounder.. this created a gag reflex and he "booted" in the middle of our little circle. From then on he was coined "bootin Josh" until one day he was renamed "de la Boot," so the ladies would not be privvy to his habit of hurling at concerts.