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Old 02-25-2013   #61
BCJ's Avatar
Grand Junction, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1978
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 523
Drug a poorly lashed wood oar down the highway from Westwater to I-70. Ground off about 2" of the blade.

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Old 02-25-2013   #62
boulder, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1999
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 298
Oh the long sad list...

On the Dolores, on our first day we soaked my ipod and our only camera.

Or on the San Juan, after a great trip, 50 yards from the takeout, my wife pulled the bowline, which was wrapped around the GoPro attached to the bow. It detached and was never to be seen.

Or the GC trip where we packed the groovers so tight and firm that we clogged the whole drainage at the Flagstaff KOA. Unfortunately, while trying to loosen things up with the hose and shaking the groover, the pressure built up and the lid blew off and sprayed my buddy from head to toe.

Or the 3rd day into an 18 day GC trip where I flipped in Indian Dick rapid! I soaked a friends SLR camera.

Or the Ruby Horsethief trip where my daughter left her only shoes at a lunch stop 30 minutes into a 3 day trip.

Or another Ruby trip where the up river winds were so strong that I jumped off the boat to prevent us from blowing up river. Unfortunately landing between 2 rocks and nearly breaking my leg. I couldn't walk for the rest of the trip, but was the only person capable of rowing. Who knew one legged rowing could be so hard.

Or the time the trailer disconnected from the hitch.

Or the time a mouse snuck onto our boat. My wife being terrified of mice refused to get on the boat. We insisted it was gone and 'found' it the next day while going through some rapids. I never realized how much harder it would be going through a rapid while being struck repeatedly on the head.

the list goes on and on. live and learn...hopefully.

May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
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Old 02-26-2013   #63
Conifer, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1998
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
Green River Fail x2

So I met some friends on the ABC’s to fish camp for a 3 day trip. I had my 14’ raft with one passenger and gear. 3 buddies rented a Dory to fish from. During the first day we fished the top section as slow as possible it was getting late and we were ¼ mile from the ramp when the guys on the dory bumped a rock and the guys leaned the wrong way. It scooped the dory and pined it with the inside of the boat up stream evenly between two rocks. (Read thousand dollars of fishing/camping/ boating gear floating down the river not rigged for a flip)

Lacking anchors and angles required to pull it off we had a guy hike to the ramp and hitch to get my Subaru. We proceeded to load my raft/ frame/gear/ and the recovered gear from the dory onto and into the Subaru with 5 guys to the nearest camp ground it was late we got a fire started to dry off and were working off the stress with a few beers. When an adjacent camper cam at us intending to fight us with his raft paddle. Keep in mind that we were not “That Loud” and it was not “that Late” 9:30 in the summer in an established camp ground. I talked the psycho down and we proceed to bed.

The next morning we set off to recapture the dory at 3am to get there when the power company reduces the flow due to usage. We packed everything up not trusting our gear at the camp ground unattended with the psycho. With the lower flow my friend and I were able to wade out to the boat and rock it back and forth up the rocks until it was finally dislodged and had our buddies pendulumed it to shore. Were we bailed it out. It floated back to the ramp (kind of) were we loaded it on the outfitters trailer and floated B in search of missing gear.

5 Guys on my raft floating B we did not find much but my friend and I got to fish a lot for the effort exerted on the others behalf.
The three dory guys packed it up a day early and ran a shuttle for my friend and I were we ran A again in my raft. After another long great day fishing I drained the battery packing up the gear into the Subaru in the dark on the boat ramp. After a few hours we got a hold of a ranger to jump us for the drive home.

Green Fail x2

A few years later on a family trip to abc’s we had a trailer axle barring burn out on I-80 limped it to rock springs and spent a night fixing it.
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Old 02-26-2013   #64
Old Guy in a PFD
Tucson, Arizona
Paddling Since: 1967
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,022
This story was told to me. I was not there, I don't recall the river or even the state, and cannot verify it's accuracy, but it is too good not to share.

So this group had a fun day on river, and stopped at an old homestead to investigate the ruins that included an old rusted out car body.

During their investigation they discovered a rather large Goose with a broken wing, hiding in the car hulk. Being resourceful types they decided to put the Goose out of it's misery and enjoy roast goose that night.

As it turned out, confronting even a wounded goose in an enclosed space is risky business. A pitched battle ensued that was resolved in favor of the guides only after one of them employed a paddle as a club, giving the goose a resounding whack on the head.

The somewhat bloodied but unbowed group decided to move along to their chosen camp, a few miles downstream before plucking the goose, as it were.

However, in the middle of a rapid the demised goose turned out not to be so demised, and proceeded to extract revenge for the rude behavior of the guides.

Just as we entered the top of the rapid we heard a loud HONK! and from the bottom of the boat emerged an enraged, biting, flapping, scratching demon from hell, bent on destroying us and sinking the boat. It fended off a feeble attempt to subdue it and proceeded to inflict painful bites and scratches on it's tormentors. It was amazing, the ability of that thing to find unprotected skin and effectively inflict painful, bloody wounds.

The decision for each member of the party came down to protecting oneself from the enraged goose, abandoning ship, or risking being impaled on rocks or flipping in a big hole mid rapid. It became clear, the Goose was not interested in negotiation or in the taking of prisoners. Attempts to either subdue it (again) or pitch it from the boat failed and the goose took advantage of the general confusion to repeatedly attack any skin, limb or hair that came within striking distance.

The wrath of a woman scorned is nothing to the wrath of a wounded enraged goose in a boat in the middle of a rapid.

The wounded goose extracted revenge in the form of many cuts, bruises and lacerations before departing the boat and heading for shore. Turns out the broken wing wasn't so broken after all.

Dinner that night primarily involved alcohol.

The moral of the story?

If it ain't yours, don't touch it, and beware a goose with a wounded wing. It well could be a flesh eating demon.
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Old 02-26-2013   #65
Land of Lovin, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2006
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,449
Originally Posted by Schutzie View Post
The wounded goose extracted revenge in the form of many cuts, bruises and lacerations before departing the boat and heading for shore. Turns out the broken wing wasn't so broken after all.
This is hilarious! I bet the goose had a nest nearby, they pretend to be hurt to draw you away from their babies. LOL, that'll teach 'em.
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. - Voltaire
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Old 02-26-2013   #66
I'm right 50% of the time
brendodendo's Avatar
Paddling Since: 1977
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 857
Brand new propane tanks do not contain propane, but compressed air.

Crappy 5 gallon water containers will get holes in them and leak all your drinking water out the bottom.

When the sign says last gas for 150 miles, you should probably look at how much gas you have in your tank.
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Old 02-26-2013   #67
Rainy Northwest, Washington
Paddling Since: 1980
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 460
Coming off of Cataract Canyon on a commercial trip. Big heavy bucket boats. We had arranged for a big patio boat, the Wahweap Lady, to meet us and haul us off the lake. The lake level was high in those days, about 30 miles of flat water. Had a swim in big drop 3, so we were running a couple of hours late. When we got to the meeting place, the Wahweap Lady wasn't there. WTF. We tied together and began to push the giant flotilla with a 7.5 horse. Slow going. I eventually hitched a ride to Hite on a passing speedboat. I rented a powerboat, and headed back up the lake to help tow the group out. I told them what we had to do, and asked for extra gas. They insisted we had enough. Are you sure? Oh, yes. End of the story, power boat ran out of gas as well, we ended up paddling down the lake in the darkness, into the we hours, with ticked off customers having missed flights. Oh, and this was a no-alcohol trip.
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Old 02-26-2013   #68
Old Guy in a PFD
Tucson, Arizona
Paddling Since: 1967
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,022 alcohol...............isn't that illegal?
..........Certainly immoral and against boatman union rules...............
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Old 02-26-2013   #69
Old Guy in a PFD
Tucson, Arizona
Paddling Since: 1967
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,022
Took a group from a local strip bar on a two day upper Colorado. Picked em up at State Bridge and they had-count em-18 coolers for a 25 passenger trip. One cargo boat, 3 paddle boats.

Got them to consolidate, they worked it out so they had 9 duffle bags and 15 coolers. I looked like a container ship heading into New York harbor. Had em stacked 3 and 4 high by God, had to stand up and row.

My wife, one of the guides, had a fool try and get in her boat wearing Ostrich skin Cowboy boots. She suggested he might want to change into tennis shoes. His response;
"Darling, if I'm going to die today I'm dying with my boots on"
Her response;
"Well if you're planning on dying today would you get in a different boat?"

Entire bunch was drunk and mostly naked by lunch. The only problem was, there were only ancient girl friends of ancient bar bums. Enough wrinkles and fat and sags visible to scar my innocent psych for life. No one under 35, average age probably 50. Really.

Make camp and we're hauling those damn coolers up the bank and I open one. It's half full of ice and water and has a single 12 OZ. bottle of orange juice floating in it. I think I'm going to be pissed until someone pointed out that that was the "VO and water" cooler.

It wasn't water boys, it was VO and ice.

Found a cooler of really good (read; no screw tops) wine, a cooler of some very tasty Jack and coke, and another cooler of something that had Tequila as the main ingredient. I learned later that it was my introduction to something called "Yucca".

Don't recall what dinner was that night, who fixed it, or who ate it. Pretty sure I had nothing to do with it.

By dark everyone had cornered a cooler and a Sierra Cup. Things got pretty dim after that.

I do recall someone offering $500 for a lap dance, and thinking that would make the rent payment, but my wife was already asleep and it seemed too much effort to wake her up.By the time it occurred to me to offer myself someone else had stepped in and done the job.

Rolled off the next day four hours late but got a $250 tip.

Could have been my favorite trip ever except for all the old people standing around in their skin. Jesus.
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Old 02-26-2013   #70
Pugetopolis, Washington
Paddling Since: 96
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 767
Lookin forward to making some stupid memories in 2014. Finally won today! SYoTR

Edit: my fail involved a few of us getting attacked by wasps(hornets?) on Lodore. Three of us got stung as we were droppin in for Hells half mile. I only got it once,my friend got it about 18 times. Sucked....

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