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Old 11-05-2012   #21
Salt Lake City, Utah
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 11
Every day that I had to guide and convince the clients that we were actually on whitewater on a river that I will not name in Montana

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Old 11-05-2012   #22
don't bogart that
rpludwig's Avatar
Frosted Flakes N of Baytuckey, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 180
Years ago we carried porta potti 100 toilets. The problem was that as they got full they would build up gas and each day they would need to be burped before use. We had been on the lower salmon for five days with a group of twelve and my buddies toilet was approaching critical mass. In his rush to get thing set up in a state of turtle tail, he forgot to burp his toilet and put the goods down. He was looking directly into the bowl when he pulled the little slide in the front, the gas relieved, blowing the entire toilet bowl contents all over his face and upper body.

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Old 11-05-2012   #23
Canon City, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 427
On a different Yampa trip, we thought it was the kayakers' turn to empty the groovers. We sent our buddy up the hill with the two boxes, and went about cleaning, drying and rolling the boats. Hour or so later, we're about loaded up, and somebody says, "Has anyone seen Dan with the groovers?" About this time he comes stumbling down the hill, looking pretty green. "I'm sorry guys, I can't do it. I got one done, but I can't do it," he says as he chirps in his mouth. I walk up to empty the other one so we can go home, and I can't find the supplies- no RV hose, no hose for the water, nothing. So I come back down, and ask the kayaker where the pickle jar is. He knows nothing about any hoses or parts, so I ask him how, in the name of a giant box of poo, did he get one of them emptied without the hoses. He proceeds to extend both arms out, holding an imaginary rocket box, and starts shaking said box up and down over an imaginary pit toilet.
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Old 11-05-2012   #24
Rojo's Avatar
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Paddling Since: 1985
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 184

One time,,, We deduced that the air cavity in the full groover was feeding oxygen to the poo reaction and decided to carfully fill the headspace with water, eliminating the air supply in an effort to avoid the daily burping rituals.
Later that day, understanding that H2O has lots of available "O" component and realizing the error the "Captain of the shipt" admitting defeat and proceeded to burp the bulging rocket box. That days rapids had not been gentle and the agitation and sun's heat had produced a well-mixed, highly pressurized foamy soup. Great care was taken to release the latch just slightly,... before the big bang. Some had even ran down to the small eddy beach at Grapevine thinking a tube had popped. The secret was out and the cover was blown literally, and like a Claymore mine everything within 30' and 180 degrees was covered with an estimated gallon of poo-goo. Soap and buckets prevailed, but fits of laughter continued through the night.

Luckily this was before the days of the dreaded Noro-virus and the only result was a great story, and a greater appreciation of chemisrty.
I believe it was later on that same trip that I forgot the fiberglass custom molded groover seat and we had to resort to our wobbly backup standard seat.
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Old 11-05-2012   #25
Boulder, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2000
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 328

I was guiding on the Deschutes river in Oregon. I had a father and his two sons in my boat, probably 14 and 15 or so, teenagers, not little kids. One of the kids asks to jump in the water and go swimming. We were in some flatwater between class II-III rapids so I say sure. He hops in and is just floating around. We were getting pretty close to the next set of rapids, so I yelled at him to swim back to the raft. He just kind of nodded, but continued floating. I figured he was peeing and just had stage freight or something so I let him stay there for a little while. Now we were really getting close to the next rapid, so I told him he needed to get back in the raft right away. He was a couple feet from the raft, but still would not come up to it. Finally we paddled up to him and I grabbed him by the shoulder straps and basically pulled him on top of me. It was at that point that I noticed that "mud" seemed to shoot out of his shorts into the water. After a second I realized that the water was probably 20 feet deep right there and the bottom was not muddy. Then his brother says "dude is that poop, did you poop your pants?" The other brother kind of sheepishly says "yay, I had to go REALLY bad". The silly thing is, there are outhouses like every mile along that river and we could have stopped at any time.

We made him jump back in and clean all the poop off himself, then paddled to shore and splashed down the raft.

It sucks to be pooped on, but I had a story for the next couple of years to tell custies.

Any of you ever been pooped on by a client?
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Old 11-05-2012   #26
Colo Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1980
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 599
I was starting to feel bad that I couldn't think of a good story, until I read these last few.
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Old 11-05-2012   #27
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Seattle, Washington
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 365
We've sure had some good ones!

Dad has managed to get to the putin various times without the tent. Without any lifejackets. Once ... without the boat itself! I've shown up with no seat in my ik several times, which requires some creative rigging.

But for full on epicocity, I think our best adventure was on the Jarbidge.

This was over July 4th, and it was easily in the 90s. We were wrapping up the JB Falls portage and the raft with the pump and big repair kit and pin kits was downstream in an eddy, but out of sight/earshot.

4 self support IKs decide to run that last little ledge in the falls. First boat goes, and promptly wraps. Full symmetrical wrap. Took 4 people and a z-rig to even budge the boat. It took 2 hours to get the boat unwrapped, due to poor anchors, bad technique, and generally half-assed rescue skills. Once that boat was freed and the paddler had all his gear drying in the sun, we got to deal with issue #2.

Shortly after the wrap occured, the second boat entered the water, lightly bumps a rock, and pops -- an 18" tear in a tube after not bleeding off pressure in the heat. Paddler has diarhea and is frantically trying to handle it, a trashed boat, and a bench covered in nothing but poison ivy. It took another 90 minutes to get the damaged boat repaired.

Luckily I had a small pin and repair kit with me, but I had to lead both activities, which really slowed us down. But a decade later, that patch is still going strong. The raft sure was confused when they waited for us for 4 hours!

We made Cave Draw before dark and earned our beers that day. We were pleased, if nothing else, that we handled it ourselves and didn't need to be bailed out.
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Old 11-05-2012   #28
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Albuquerque, New Mexico
Paddling Since: 1985
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 184
Shuttle from Hell, Litererally

Three vehicles from Snake River put-in to Heller Bar sounds easy enough, but our planned shuttle rep was Sue at Scotty's General Store. Apparently that may say enough as I have since talked to many people that have had problems with Sue. Hopefully the situation has improved since this catastrophic shutlle back in 2008.
After stopping at Scotty's and passing the vehicle/trailer inspection (watch that the brakes don't heatup on the descent down into the canyon or else let them cool sufficiently), we arranged our shuttle for the two rigs and stated that the tandem axle trailer would have a small SUV loaded, I think it was a Montero. I'll say that we never intended to hide the third vehicle and having a trailer of adequate size to haul one of our own vehicles and save a third shuttle fee seemed innocent enough. At that point Sue flipped out screaming something about inter-state vehicle transport and she refused to shuttle our group even if we left the trailer empty and paid for the third vehicle to be driven. We had just spent two days driving up from New Mexico and as the only shuttle service for the Snake River stretch she had us over a barrel and made it clear that her intentions were to leave us stranded and cancel our trip.
After several frantic calls from a local outfitter we found our savior in the form of All-Rivers Shuttle Service based in Whitebird. Understanding our predicament they agreed to run our shuttle even though it was not their standard "territory".
My story should have ended there as We launched from the put-in site below Hells Canyon Dam and had a great trip until days later, within site of the take-out at Heller Bar. Two members of our group had passed on the last nights river camp option and planned to go on around the corner to the take-out and start home early. After dinner we walked down from camp along the old runway to pick cherries and I had sickening vision of all three vehicle key sets locked up in my vehicle. Sure enough the next morning we pull around to the take-out and start de-rigging on the rocky beach. I was unable to find our vehicles but did locate our two now-grumpy party members who had slept at the boat ramp, or at least spent the night there with their de-rigged boat.
More frantic calls, and walking to every river based business at Heller Bar, and brainstorming all sorts of options. Turns out that All-Rivers dropped two drivers at Pittsburg landing to hop on the regular scheduled tourist jet-boat upstream to the Dam. But without the keypad access code and the planned hide-away key they were forced to hop back on the jet-boat and re-direct their return ride from Heller back to Pittsburg. All-Rivers Shuttle Service, being the saints they are, already had the company owner enroute to pickup three drivers for the one-way trip back to the put-in, where the Montero was able to continue back to Montana, and the remaining two of us raced back to Heller to load up and start our all-night two-day trip back to NM.
After costing everyone a boring day sitting at the take-out I tried to redeem my actions by making Ladder Golf sets for everyone for Christmas that year. Most have forgotten and one member has even passed (R.I.P. Larry), but I will never forget that shuttle event.

In retrospect, as this is my worst personal river travel tale, I feel very fortunate that we have never had any serious accident or injury.

Now raft flips, poor weather, and drinking stories, that is an enitrely seperate affair.
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Old 11-05-2012   #29
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 883

I didn't think I really had one to share, until that last post reminded me of the time I arrived at the river, unloaded everything, and then discovered that I'd left the tubes for my cat in the garage.


Rich Phillips
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Old 11-05-2012   #30
wildh2onriver's Avatar
irvine, California
Paddling Since: 1987
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,197
6-7 years ago rigged for a Yampa trip, we stopped at a liquor store off the interstate in Rifle to supply our boat with beer. I had all my pfd's strapped together for my family of 4 plus 3 more for some other passengers, which I pulled off the cooler that was in the back of my truck with a topper. I put them on my trailered boat to load the cooler with the goods and ice and must of forgot to replace the pfd's, because they weren't there at the put in.

$1200.00 worth of top of the line jackets, knives, storm lighters, etc, gone. The next morning we were able to rent more from an outfitter, so the trip was saved. Someone told us that same day that they'd seen a car go by with a pile of pfd's strapped to the roof...

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