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Old 02-11-2013   #21
Dipshit with the most.
carvedog's Avatar
Bellevue, Idaho
Paddling Since: 1991
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,497
A buddy got a Selway permit after I picked up a pre-season Middle Fork. over the weekend my wife was asking about spring boating plans and I mentioned that I didn't think I could do both. She says " you know it's your slowest time of year ( it is). My don't you do both, you know you want to."

She has her issues but me going on the rio doesn't seem to be one of them. I love my wife.

Do you think I need to worry that she wants me out of town for some side action?

My wife does love to boat and we do several family outings and longer trips whenever we can. I do give her 'girl' time whenever possible so she can get away with her buddies unencumbered at least for a long weekend here and there. It doesn't match with the time I take for high water spring trips but I try.

I have also made arrangements for babysitting help when I am gone for a week so she gets a respite from being on 24-7. Stock the fridge, treat the kids to some dvds and whatever else to make it easier for her.

Other than that not sure how to make it easier for the OP.

Sometimes the shoulder is quite warm when coming home, and sometimes toward the cool ( but never cold). That is more jealousy that I got on the river and she didn't.

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Old 02-11-2013   #22
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
Paddling Since: 2004
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 302
I'm told that I'm intolerable when I don't get on the river enough. Try that angle, just be incredibly cranky whenever its been too long. I think other men act this way with regards to sex instead of boating.

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Old 02-11-2013   #23
adgeiser's Avatar
Denver,, exhaustion
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 578
I agree with the give her some attention crowd.

Remember we all need different types of time... I.e. me time, us time, guy/girl time...

And remember boating is a hobby, you choose to marry her.
I have told my wife that she is more important than kayaking but she also understands how important kayaking is to me.

We also will set aside a " non-kayaking weekend" once every 2-3 months.... It just really sucks when that pre planned weekend happens to hit when your favorite river peaks.
"We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around here" -Edward Abbey
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Old 02-11-2013   #24
jimr's Avatar
Donkey Town, Colorado
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 145
Wow y'all have it bad if your ladies/man don't respect your passions, life and what makes you happy! I mean what's the point if your significant other doesn't support your passions? Isn't marriage all about acceptance and compromise!?!? Been with my girl for almost 10 years I do what I want and she does what she wants as long as there is no cheating involved, and we both know that the other person is always welcome to join in on our adventures... I must be lucky...sounds like you need to have a serious family meeting to resolve this issue and put it all on the table I couldn't imagine being in your shoes...there has to be a trade off for both of you at the very least... best of luck
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Old 02-11-2013   #25
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 21
An idea.

Maybe the problem isn't your boating. I would recommend some light reading: The Original Kama Sutra (978145280338: Vatsyayana: Books
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Old 02-11-2013   #26
MT4Runner's Avatar
Kalispell, Montana
Paddling Since: 1997
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,436
Originally Posted by lhowemt View Post
OK, there are kids involved, correct? So going on the statistics (and my own personal experience) being how women do a substantially greater share of work around the house which includes inventorying, planning, shopping, and then the actual work at the house, it may be beneficial to you to make sure that you are doing your share, at a minimum, in HER eyes. With kids, she's (again I'm assuming) doing the majority of the work so you going off boating may just seem like her getting left with the kids yet again. Have you sat down with her and discussed the distribution of labor and responsibilities? Do you make sure to take some time to take the kids so she can go run off with girlfriends or just get errands done without also being a "mom"? How about planning (yes, planning is a lot of work) babysitters so you two can go do fun stuff that does not include managing the kids? Now I am not accusing you of anything, just talking about a lot of issues that friends with kids have that may be useful to think about. Doing your share of "guys" chores may not be enough. Do you clean the toilet AND the wall next to it? If she feels like she's getting left behind to yet again babysit (although a mom would never say that, it can feel like it) I wouldn't be surprised at all at her reaction.
You hit pretty much every nail on the head. I got in 48 days in '04 and almost got divorced. It wasn't the boating. It was my attitude and my participation around the house.

I did take a break from boating (visible to my wife) so she could see that I was more committed to the family. We also bought a 2nd raft and I took them out on a lot more Class I-II stuff. I'd rather raft with my family than kayak with the crew...even though I love kayaking a lot more than rafting.

I clean the kitchen (and not just the dishes) and now vacuum...including the edge of teh walls where the dog hair accumulates. Chicks notice those messy parts, and I guess it's good karma if guys clean there where we wouldn't if we lived solo.

I got in 35 days in '12 and things are great at home. Issues with getting time to go on the rio have nothing to do with the river.

OP, if you have no kids, Paddle Iraq has your advice.
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Old 02-11-2013   #27
Heltown, Montana
Paddling Since: 1993
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 59
To the OP- Not sure how long you have been married? I love my wife for sure and I also love quiet so I guess I would take silent treatment as opposed too most of the alternatives. Ya get home tired, go to bed, wake up tomorrow and everybodies talking again. Good luck in your mindscaping.
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Old 02-11-2013   #28
The Mogur's Avatar
Oregon City, Oregon
Paddling Since: 1972
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 457
[QUOTE=Gnome79;303038]I have a spouse that is not all that thrilled with my boating addiction. Just wondering what other folks do to set the stage for a day on the water.QUOTE]

Recently Married Wife: What, you're going rafting again? Seems like all you want to do is go rafting. I mean, what's the point? How many times do you have to go down the same damn river? I figured you'd grow up and quit these outings with that bunch of delinquints you hang out with.

Husband: You're starting to sound like my ex-wife!

Wife: What!!? You never said you'd been married before!

Husband: I wasn't.
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Old 02-12-2013   #29
Renaissance Redneck
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Huson, Montana
Paddling Since: 1988
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 992
Get her a hobby!!!

She needs to find something that she likes to do. My wife has a couple of horses. I have very little use for those high dollar hay burners but I always make sure to give her plenty of time to play with them. And in return I get to paddle and she doesn't mind running shuttle.
"You're gonna be doin a lot of doobie rolling when youre LIVIN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER"
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Old 02-12-2013   #30
John_in_Loveland's Avatar
Loveland, Colorado
Paddling Since: 1990
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 149
Gotta put her first man. Run the GC one time or one last time, sell the kayak and get a raft that will hold you both and the dog. (Some unbreakable wine glasses at lunch stops can also help)

Finally figured out at 60 that while gravity sports are way fun, they eventually loose their luster while the wife gets better and better

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