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Old 04-29-2013   #1
caspermike's Avatar
Bozeman, Montana
Paddling Since: 1999
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,507
Bear river festival good times

If you have never been to the bear than you were just like me! I didn't know what to expect heading down to merica USA. Being on the border of mormanville, Hicksville, and Merica it was a giant melting pot of nasty ass cheese and rotten meat forming the most appealing Stromboli in all the land.

When you reach the Putin and you hear a loud sound of rusty steel and as you turn around you witness the river pinching one off in front of you thanks to the power corp. don't be alarmed if you feeling like the water is a little dirty down stream cause the amount of cow dung nearly rivals creeks from central wyoming. It's all good thought the amount of Monsanto run off and extra Roundup keeps all the bacteria to a minimum. A you paddle down stream in the vast waff of smells you reach the first gorge under the grace bridge. With couple sweet body circs on the right and some sweet lines down the left you reach a gracious boof. The lip doesn't look as good as you want it to but whatever man its all good you are in merica in a valley the majority of the world is clueless about..

You continue down stream through some good read and run , one of which is a super sick lateral that gives you the good feeling, as you hit it you are side juiced and squirted In a triple cork 1640. It's all good though the run out isn't nearly as bad as the north fork of the little wind! As you cautiously avoid tetanus through the junk yard you are transfixed at the beautiful site of decades of trash piled up two stories high below a house who undoubtedly has a problem with bath salts! You really start to enjoy the shit covered smiles on your buddies face! Watching your buddies drop horizon line after horizon line it all starts blending together like some frat boys margarita. After some good read and run including quality mank you get a taste of the good stuff only cause you need to rinse your mouth out due to the intense cottonmouth. Swishing the brown water a couple times and giving a good gargle it feels good to be alive!

You reach Boo Boo and Yogi is nowhere in site you send it down the flume on the left and back to the right blasting through the crux straight into a rock placed by the devil, or so the Mormons said! You try and boof it and are immediately rock rejected 3 feet to the right in a fury of Jackie chan moves you pirouette into the correct channel to bounce down a couple of sweet steep mank. It's good you think as you paddle down stream to the first of the waterfalls coming in off the right. These waterfalls are picturesque blueish white but still leave you to question how clean they really are.

As you paddle out to the take out hopefully its not your first time in a race cause more than likely you took the wrong channel and screwed your self but that's not to worry cause the beautiful bedrock class four all the way to the take out is as good as the entire trip. You blast through a couple holes and find your self side surfing next to a rotten cow carcass. You feel the beneficial bacteria take action immediately! As you paddle under the bridge you feel like two laps required to even out the immune system in a sort of shock session.

A you head back to the party you look for Willis cause with out doubt the merica locals should always know how to party unless your in Utah. as the church sermons start calling those back through an ancient rams horn you could hear the screechy vibrations that are sound flowing with the wind from mormonville and like a pack of cattle they move back to the sounds of their pastures. As the cattle train takes off the keg stands commence and the sound of chanting hicks who undoubtedly can't count past 12 become louder. You feel an overwhelming sense of true community. One that may not be perfect, may not be good looking till I showed up, and a couple inches shy of the tallest piles of stacked shit. I truly felt honored to flip some dirt burgers with APs shovel and lend my BBQ skills. The smiles were bigger than any personalities known to man. Everybody was having a good time. As the night wore on you know that life is grand and sometimes you gotta take the shit sprinkles on top of the dirt burger to truly see everything for what it is!

Life is short and sometimes the flow of poo water is enough to flow with so take the shit and serve it up and smile cause it will make someone else smile even if they are smilin at your poo grin!

All in all I really enjoyed the Bear River and the people who attend. The festival was a lot of fun and the community isn't shy so get out their meet some people and more importantly don't be a stuck up local at your river denying the smiles of other paddlers cause you are to sick! Take other paddlers out even if it might take away from your ooh so epic lines!

I love community and without it kayaking is nullified

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Old 04-29-2013   #2
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 140
Thanks Casper Mike - that was an enjoyable read. Glad you had fun.

Laramie Deb

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Old 04-29-2013   #3
glenn's Avatar
BZN, Montana
Paddling Since: 2008
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,489
Damn, now I want to drink the poo water.
The sunshine walked beside her
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Old 04-29-2013   #4
caspermike's Avatar
Bozeman, Montana
Paddling Since: 1999
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,507
You would love the poo water glendo!
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Old 04-29-2013   #5
Paddle_like_Hell's Avatar
Austin, Tejas
Paddling Since: 2005
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 113
Ya, that description looks to be pretty accurate.
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